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I lost the love of my life


Anonymous1

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and I can't go on. It's been 2 1/2 years and it gets worse everyday. I have finally made a decision, I am clearing out and getting rid of my stuff and then I am going to kill myself.  My kids are grown and can take care of themselves.  I literally cannot go through this pain, loneliness and emptiness anymore.  

Sorry, but I had to tell someone. If you read this don't freak out.  Since I made this decision I feel like a weight has been lifted and I feel better now that I know I am not going to be here much longer.

 

Good Bye.

 

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I think all of us feel that way at some point, so I can certainly understand you wanting to check out, but what about your children? Mine is grown as well, but can you imagine how they would feel losing their other parent? Nobody understands our pain unless they've walked in our shoes. We certainly didn't ask for this and it does seen so unfair, but please don't give up. 2015 will be our year for healing and to find out purpose again. If you want to chat, email me at mendm1717@yahoo.com. Sometimes just talking to someone else who truly understands this pain can help.

PLEASE think of your children....they need you no matter how old they are.

Peace,

Marty

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I know exactly what your feeling Anonymous1.  I feel exactly the same way.  Everyday I hope that today will be the day I die.  I drive home every night from work not at all fearful of driving dark country roads because I am really hoping that I will get in a wreck and end this hell on earth.

 

I am not going to cause my own death in that I won't take my own life but I sure do look for any opportunity every single day that would assist me in crossing over.

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Hello Anonymous-

I am so very sorry for your loss and the immense pain you are feeling.  I’m sharing this because you need to know you are not alone in this, not to diminish how you are feeling. I lost the love of my life back in July and it has crippled me in many ways. There are days, like many others here, where I don’t care if I never wake up. I don’t care if I drop dead. Without my love, life seems meaningless, empty. Part of my soul was ripped out when he died and the world is without colour.

But, I would never go out of my way to end my own life.

I know that this will never get easier. It’s an adjustment. A wound that will never heal, and because of that perpetual open wound anything will irritate it. That’s where the adjustment comes in. I have to get used to that fresh feeling anytime it’s poked or prodded at. Whether it’s a reminder of how much I miss him, feeling guilty because he’s not here to enjoy something I know he would if he were alive or any other reminder that causes me to feel this hollow emptiness I feel in my soul without him.

You mention your kids are grown. Luckily, both of my parents are still alive. I may be well into my late forties, but I could not nor do not wish to even think about a world without them or their demise. I need and want them as much as they need and want me. They’re my parents – the two people in the world I am closest to (they’re my best friends), apart from my Rob. I love them dearly and like them, there isn’t anything I would not do for them. I have many friends who have lost their parents…. The pain and yearning they have is something I can understand, but not fully since I am still lucky enough to have both of mine.

Even though your children are grown, they will always need and want you and I know you love them dearly. If you did something like this, they would be left with many questions, guilt, and many ‘what if’s’, just like you are tormented with since your beloved died. However, they will live with the torment of losing their beloved parent without warning and wondering why they didn’t see the signs? They would be left with the legacy of blaming themselves. Wishing they had done something different for the rest of their lives.

Your time here is not finished. Your future awaits you and your family and friends want and need you.  We need you and want you. You have a wealth of love and wisdom to impart to this world and to receive from others.  It’s not the end-game; it’s just the beginning off with a very rough start. I know it sucks… but together we can see this through.

Please don’t end your life.  Please stay.  You have a lifetime of experiences ahead of you with family, friends, grandchildren… Your spouse would never want this for you. They would not want you to end your life – they would want you to live it.

If you need to talk, please message me and please reconsider your decision.

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Anonymous,

I have private messaged you some options for reaching out to talk to someone. Please let someone help you. There are many people who care.

Please let us know you are okay. Just for today, let us know.

 

ModKonnie

 

 

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