Lost my wife

[LostMyBaby]

I recently found this site and certainly wished I found it sooner. I've been reading a lot of the posts and I have to say you all are some amazing people in responding and support. So many things that people say and feel I have the exact same feelings. Just very hard to try and keep going day to day but we have to.

 

I lost my wife of 29 years 4 months 23 days and 2 hours on January 31st of this year. The absolute worst day and week of my life. Leading up to that day I had a terrible feeling something bad was going to happen except I thought it was going to be me. In December I was diagnosed with kidney cancer and surgery was set for January 27th. Having the feeling something was going to happen I gathered all of my life insurance stuff together for her, made sure she had all banking information etc. I had my surgery and was able to go home on the 29th. I went to lay in bed and my wife came in and said she was going to the grocery store would be right back. Time went by and she didn't return then the dog was barking. I got up and looked out the window and saw the ambulance. She stopped at the end of the drive to get the newspaper, somehow tripped and fell into the ditch breaking her neck at c1 c2. She passed away 2 days later.

 

To this day I still hurt (maybe even more) and cry daily wanting to be with her. As everyone here says "we were soul mates", she was 13 years older than me and the LOVE of my life. Each year she would get more self conscious about her age and each year I told her it didn't matter, she was beautiful. Tried my best to spoil her rotten from our very first date until right to the very end. That is something I miss dearly and the hugs, oh what I would give to have one of her hugs. We were loners and just loved being together in our country home so we didn't really have any close friends. You just kind of lose touch with people over the years so now it's me and the dog, who is good company but can't quite have the conversation that I need at the end of the day. The house is cold and empty and I just go through the motions in taking care of things that need done.

 

Thank you all for looking out for each other and understanding. We are a group that so many people we know don't understand what we go through daily. I go to work each day and put on my "work face" but inside I am torn apart. Sometimes I'll be sitting in the office and a song plays that I just break down to. As everyone says it takes time, easy for them to say. Don't know if I really want to get over it, I feel if I heal I will forget and that is something that I just don't want to do.

 

Thanks for being here, Dale

[sim-law]

Hi Dale,

Your story is one that I can relate to and I understand how lonely you feel with just your dog (I just have my cat)

I don't think you will ever forget your wife even if you do manage to get some healing, I know I never will forget mine. I think most people only ever get one soulmate and I feel blessed to have met mine but it does not make the parting any easier does it?

Peace and Hope

Simon

[HeyJude]

Hi Dale and welcome.  I was reading a story in this months issue of Readers Digest.  It had to do with a man losing his wife.  A couple of sentences stuck in my mind.  One was "I don't miss having someone to do things with as much as I miss having someone to do nothing with".  The other dealt with the loss being like losing a limb, that you have phantom pain and you really don't ever want it to stop.

 

I used to love doing nothing with my husband.  Just being. Just having someone to just be with.  God how I miss that.  We were great at doing something, anything but those times where you are just with them, no conversation, no special project or place to go, just being.  That is what I miss so much.  And his hugs...he was a teddy bear and gave the best hugs ever!

[LostMyBaby]

Simon, I hope that I will never forget. She was always the one saying that we were soul mates and after losing her I realize how lucky I was to have found my one and only which does not make parting any easier at all.

 

Judy, I love what you quoted "I don't miss having someone to do things with as much as I miss having someone to do nothing with", that was us to a tee. I could just sit and reach across the end table and hold her hand forever. I still sit here and reach over hoping that she'll be there.

 

Virtual hugs to you both, Dale