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[Tobysmom]

Well I guess I am joining out of sheer desperation.  I lost my wonderful son Toby 6 months ago in a horrible car accident.  He was on his way to work and driving about 85 miles an hour when he lost control, hit an electrical pole and was killed instantly.  The worst part, well maybe not the worst, but it was about a half a mile from home so I pass the crash site daily. I was actually sitting in the traffic while the road was closed and the cut my son's dead body from his car and had no clue he was there.  i was texting and calling him to make sure he got through on his way to work with no answer from him.

 

So here I am now, 6 months later.  I haven't dealt with this very well.  See, I have another child.  She's 26 with two children of her own. Problem there is she is a herion addict.  All of my focus is now on saving her and haven't taken the time to grieve like I should.  I am stuck.  Stuck in this constant state of fear.  i have completely lost who i am.  I have become this needy, clingy person who can't let go.  Not even when it is exactly what i should do.  I am going from relationship to relationship and won't let go of the bad because I am soooo scared of loosing someone else in my life.  I need an outlet for this rage and sadness and thought this might help.  

 

I am so mad at Toby.  He KNEW not to drive that fast.  He knew that road.  It's twisty and hilly.  He had already had one accident on that road during his driver's ed classes.  Not his fault but none the less.

 

How do I let go of this???  How do I get me back???  I am so sick of feeling this way.  Any ideas appreciated.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

I am sorry about the loss of your son Toby. I can tell you there are no shortcuts in the grief journey and it takes a lot of time and processing...so be gentle with yourself.

 

I am giving you a link to another section that has a reference to a book I found helpful:

 

http://forums.grieving.com/index.php/topic/4873-grief-healing-my-journey/#entry120724

 

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Toby's Mom......we are so sorry you had to find this 'place'....but all of us on this site has lost a child...some have lost 2....and when I say 'child'...it doesn't matter if your child was 2 hours old....2 years...10...or 50....they are still your child and your grief journey will be as unique as your child is unique.....

     Please go to 'Loss of Adult Child' ....there are many active parents on that site.....and I and they will reach out to you...and you will find you do not walk this grief journey alone...many walk in your shoes....and many...like you...have very serious other situations they are dealing with...besides the dark grief.

     Grief like this is like no other......and grief is a very physical experience...and we tell parents to 'self care'....be kind and gentle to yourself.

     Feeling like you are 'going crazy'.....insomnia....anxiety....panic attacks....and desperation....are all by products of this grief....and losing a child. Anger is also common.

     Please tell us more about your boy....

  many parents are also dealing with other family that have addiction problems....and we understand that you are spread very thin. Do you have care/custody of your daughter's children ? Do you have a circle of support from family and friends ?

Each situation is different. We are here to hear you.

[Corkys Momma]

Làurie.I'm so sorry for your loss of ur son Toby. I to just lost my son n car accident and my son was speeding and didn't have seat belt on.he was killed they said instantly. He was killed Aug 28 2015 in clearmont county Ohio.out by east gate.he was 44 and just had his car 3months. He bought it from his brother. My oldest son is having trouble with quilt. It's so hard days run together your heart never stops hurting, you can't eat or sleep don't give you any rest..il going to a support group this coming Monday night. They say it well help.God please let it be okay. I joined this a few weeks ago. Never been on computer before. My oldest son got this tablet for me. It doesn't work like a full computer. My name on this is. Onelessbengla. Because my son Corky was the biggest fan from the time he played football in 4th grade of school. I pray you find some kind of relief n posting about your sweet son.God bless you and again I'm so sorry. Corkys momma

[Corkys Momma]

Làurie I've wrote to you before. I'm Corkys momma. I am having a hard time with copeing with my son s death.oct 14 was his birthday and as the day started , I cryed from the time I open my eyes, I gave birth to my son at 1:30 pm.as the clock tick each min. My heart beat harder I couldn't breath and went into a full anxiety attack. I know my son was older than your son. But as y read your post, your son and mine are so alike. I'm so mad at my son . he knew better than to speed and not wear seat belt. He was going 75 in 35 . they said he must of distracted and lost control. Was thrown out the passenger side and was killed instantly. You ask how to go on and ur daughter is n need. I have my older son. Which is feeling so much quilt . he sold his brother the car. And I have 2 grandchildren, my granddaughter is so dear. She's 20 and is so good no problems . my grandson who I raised from the time he was 2 wks old. He's 27 and a drug addict. I've done everything I can do. The day of my sons funeral my grandson was so stone, he stole money he , well just saying it was hell. I guess what I'm trying to say is , how I'm getting through this is praying and touching in on this site. Please hang n there. I'm 6 wks in to this journey, and God only knows how I'll get through this. Sorry this was so long just needed to get this off my mind . your in my prayers. Corkys momma