The day my dreams died

[stpps163]

On October 10 2014, I had snapchated with my boyfriend. He was at work and I was at school at USM. I remember that day I wanted him to come see me so bad. We were about 70 miles apart from each other. Even though we were long distance, we still made it work for one another. Anyways I started saying how the previous days I was sad because he wasn't up here with me. I remember his reply, which was awwww....All of sudden I remember he had this look on his face. A look that I couldn't describe...It was kind of like a sad look and I told him that it looked like he was in his feelings..I remember he told me that he was a guy and that men never be in their feelings...Also, then he told me that I should go out and do something . However, I told him that I was with my friend Quenna and we were walking around campus. He said good. After that, we talk some more, around about 8 I had snapchatted him and told that I was done with my project that I was doing. His reply was good!!!We snapchatted somemore until around 12ish AM he sent me a snapchat and told me to Go to bed. My reply was No thank you!! So after that he sent me another one that says "We are out" with a picture of motorcycles getting ready to go..After that snapchatt, I sent him another one and watch TV for a little bit till I fell sleepy. Before I went to sleep, I had a feeling that somebody was going to get into a accident so I went ahead and said my prayers. The last thing that I pray was "Lord please protect Vincent on his motorbike and I went to sleep. Around 4'oclock in the morning, I had woke up..I was tossing and turning so I got up to used the bathroom. I can't back and check phone to see if he had snapchatted me back but he didn't . I had got a random text from somebody asking me if I was at work (Days later I called that number and it was out of service).Anyways Something had told me to go back to sleep and not go on facebook, however, I did anyway. The first thing that I saw was RIP Vincent!!When I saw that, my heart just drop.. I wanted to scream but I just couldn't scream.. I wanted to cry but I just couldn't cry...Everything was turning into a night mare...All I could say was No No..After I say that, I called his cousin and she told me what happen, but she sounded so unsure...After I called his cousin, I had call his mother and she said yea baby we just left him..and I just busted out crying. October 11, 2014 was one of the hardest days of my life...I had lost my best friend..The first person I used to talk in the morning and the last person I talk to before I went to sleep..We were known each other for three years..I would have given him the world if I could. I love him so much...We had planned our lives together..We suppose to have five kids together..two we had already name...When he died, I felt like my dreams died..Basically like their is no one that that will take his place and I would never find someone like him. I am very close to his mother..and she would called me her daughter and law..so I feel like I would always be her daughter in law..I have a question, can I still be apart of the family even if he had died?

[sisawesome]

Aw sweetheart don't worry about it. If it hurts you to be part of his family alot and it keeps reminding you of him, maybe you should take a break from him. But if you are that close with his mother, maybe reminiscing old times will help you get over your grief. Just follow your gut instinct and you heart. You'll know what is right. I hope you feel better soon hon!

[kande]

Talking as if they are still with us helps.  I know I feel my fiance when I get home and we do our usual "how was your day" evening conversation and I always keep an open chair for her as if she is sitting next to me.  Feel your heart and embrace this pain and look for signs.  Keep note of your dreams as they can still communicate.