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Help Dealing With Emotions Post Sister's Suicide


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Tomorrow, marks the 6 month anniversary of when I lost my oldest sister to suicide.  After her passing, I knew things would never be the same, but I had hoped that time would help to heal those wounds. However, it hasn’t and I’m losing hope and patience.



I wrestle almost daily, with emotions.  The usual culprits after a passing – guilt, sadness, and anger.  The logical side of my brain understands what happened and wants to heal, but the emotional side of my brain is much more powerful.


When I try and interpret these emotions, I come out with this:


  • Sadness – I understand it, and where it stems from ( missing my sister and seeing how much my family/her friends/her children are hurting).  It’s also the one I feel I handle the best. I’ll let it out, even if it means I’m crying in the middle of a Luke Bryan tailgate.


  • Guilt - The guilt stems from not being able to do more to help her, for not her hugging her the night she committed suicide because I was mad at her for upsetting the rest of my family, for not finding her that night (She kept telling us she was just going to go to a hotel so she could relax, we tried to look for her but were unsuccessful).  I definitely still struggle with this, but for as hard as the guilt is to swallow, I just try and remind myself, that  it doesn’t change anything, and that I am not 100% responsible for her actions.


That leaves one emotion left, and it’s the one I struggle with the most.  I don’t know if it’s just me, but I just cant’ seem to find a way to deal with the anger.  And it’s widespread.


Myself – For my role in letting this happen. For having anger, that others are following a different grieving process. For snapping at people who don’t deserve it


 My sister - Why did she have to do it? Why did she get to take the easy road? Why wouldn’t she get help? Why would she hurt her family so much? Why would she hurt her kids so much (even if the rest of the family was angry, her kids always loved her)? Didn’t she love me enough to see me get married one day, to see me chase a dream, to see me give her a niece or nephew?


My parents, particularly my mom –  

I cannot imagine, losing a child.  And I get that the weight on her from this, is much higher than what it is for me. But I can’t help but feel like she has given up on me, and my other sister.  While we are adults, I still don’t think it’s acceptable.


Everyday isn’t horrible, but my mom has been horrible for the most part since her passing.  By horrible, I mean sad & or angry.  

With her anger, I’m constantly made to feel like I am never good enough. That no matter how hard I try, I’m not going to ever bring her happiness.


With her sadness, it’s just a complete shutout.  I beg her to tell me how to help her, and all I get is radio silence.



I’m not sure how much more I can take.  I’ve tried talking to a therapist, but her advice was useless.  She wanted me to find a healthy activity (e.g. Go take a walk). That’s all stuff I could have googled & have tried, but guess what the problem is still there after the walk, the exercise class, the drawing. With a small income, I’m not going to pay people $200/session  for useless advice.


Does anyone have suggestions on how to deal with this?

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I am so very sorry about what you are struggling with. Six months is not a long time when dealing with such a profound loss. You deal with your emotions by simply talking about them as much as you can. You journal, you blog, you talk to whoever will listen, but you keep talking. Exercise helps most people by stimulating the brain chemicals necessary for you to feel better. In your grieving, it just may have been the wrong time for you.

The anger is difficult, but perfectly normal. Your mother is dealing with her own personal nightmare. It's not that she's given up; she's lost in her own grief. Please continue to understand she will need much more time to begin to process the complete devastation she feels with this.

While private counseling may not be for you, consider an emotional support self help group; they are usually free. Your mother and sisters should be encouraged to attend one, too, either with you or separately. Look through your newspaper to find one in your area or call a local funeral home and ask them about any support groups.


We will be here for you,


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