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lost 2 brothers and heir wives 25 years apart both in car accidents


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Ok, I'm the youngest and only girl of 4 kids, so you can imagine that I was raised to be "tough and strong". 25 years ago this Christmas we lost my 2nd to the oldest brother and his wife in a car accident. There was only 15 months difference between him and my oldest brother, so naturally everybody gathered around him and my mother (who had just lost her child). I was only 15 at the time, and expected to handle it, "be strong for my mom and oldest brother". I handled it.

Then last year my oldest brother was diagnosed with stage 4 hep c. Everybody thought that it was incurable and he was going to die. They found a treatment that could possibly cure him. On June 23rd he got a blessed call from his doctor saying that his latest blood work had come back clean and he was cured. He had been given a new lease on life!! Then on August 29th him and his wife were both killed in a car accident.

That only left me and 1 older brother. Everybody is naturally gathering around my mother (who admitting needs the extra support, as she has now lost 2 children) and my 2 nieces who were my oldest brothers daughters. My mother wants to talk about my brothers constantly... talk but not listen... my oldest niece calls me in the middle of the night because she needs to talk, again talk but not listen.

My older brother who is still with us just CAN'T bring himself to talk about it. He's the ONLY person in my family who can empathize with me about this loss, but he refuses to. And I do understand that he just can't deal with this yet, but that still doesn't make it any easier for me. Everybody expects me to be their sounding board when they need to vent, but nobody seems to give a darn that I'm hurting and might need to talk about it too, My kids are there for me, but they are both in college pulling full loads, and working full time jobs and they don't need the extra stress of my bellyaching about hurting and missing my brothers.

I'm just expected to "be strong and deal with it", but that's getting very difficult to do. Any suggestions?

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Hi D9C,

I am so very sorry about the losses of your loved ones. You've certainly been through much hurt. I would tell my family how I feel. I would just be honest and tell them I need help, too, and I need someone to listen to me.

That being said, have you considered going to some type of self help group, such as a depression support or grief counseling group? It may help you deal with some of the pain you are experiencing, and it would definitely help you to talk about your feelings.


We will be here for you,


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