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How to get last minutes out of my head


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My dad passed away on August 31st, 2014.  He fought until the last minutes.  I know he thought he had to be here for my brother and my mom as he took care of them.  We all took our turns to say good bye while he could still hear us and I know he heard us.  I know he knows that everything will be fine and that we will all be ok but what bothers me is his last minutes with us.  He opened his eyes like he was looking for all of us.  I knew it was time so I had everyone come over and I told him it was ok to let go and that we  loved him but I keep seeing him look around like he didn't want to go.  I miss him so much.  I live four hours away and left today to come home.  Yesterday was harder than I expected...I try to be strong but I packed up his clothes and sat in his truck and I couldn't stop crying.  I just wanted him to walk in the back door...I wanted to talk to him...to hear his voice.  I can't even imagine what my mom must be feeling.  They just celebrated 50 years in Feb. I know it will get better but it is so hard right now.

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