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Friend moved to another country, we lost touch and found out she died


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I am putting (digital) pen to paper to try and sort out my feelings as I have been knocked off my feet by the news of the death of a friend.  I am trying to understand why this is hitting me so hard.


My wife and I became close friends with a couple that we first met when our kids started school together in 2007.  They were an English couple who had moved to Australia for work reasons.  


Over a year or two we spent many weekends hanging out with them, particularly in the warmer months.  We were lucky enough to live on a few acres at the time, so on the weekend we would sit around a campfire, talking and chilling out with a few drinks while the kids ran around with sparklers or glow-sticks, looked for possums with torches, and generally had a blast the old fashioned way.  


Unfortunately their marriage started to go downhill.  The husband had to travel overseas a fair bit leaving the wife to manage the kids.  She did not cope well & started abusing alcohol.  Their relationship got worse, and in the end it self-destructed and they split up.  He left her and relocated to an Asian country, so she took the kids back to England.


For me and my family, that was a grieving event in it's own right as we had all cherished those times and all of a sudden, their marriage was gone then they were gone.  They got so caught up the acrimony of the split that they kind of just ditched everything around them, and we never even got to say a proper goodbye to them in the end.  He just kind of never came back from a business trip, and she was so beside herself and so out of it the few times we saw her, then she packed up and left.  We had a few phone calls over the next few months but they petered out and we drifted off on our on paths.  I understand that is how life goes, so although our family was sad to see them go like that, we were thankful for the great memories.


Fast forward 7 years to August 2014, and we were sitting at the dinner table talking about those good times.  After dinner my child (now a teenager) decides to look them up & found all of their Facebook profiles.  The only change appeared to be that the children (also now teenagers) were in Asia with their Dad while according to her Facebook page, the Mum remained in the UK.  My son decided to contact his friend to see how life is, they end up chatting on-line for a while & this is when we found out that the mother died late last year.


Since I found this out, grief is hitting me in waves.  It subsides only to come back in anywhere from 10 minutes later to a few hours later.  I don't understand why it is so strong it is nearly overwhelming.  I been through the loss of my mother, two of my brothers children, and a good friend.  I should be coping better than this.  


There is virtually no record of her life or her passing online, which for me compounds it because it feels like she never existed. The families twitter and facebook accounts have virtually zero mention of her life or her death.  I feel like there is no closure.  


Writing this is therapeutic for me as I needed to get it off my chest, but any input would still be welcome. 


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Hello, my name is Maya. I am so sorry about the passing of your friend. Hearing about someone's passing when you never expected it to happen can be so upsetting and disorienting.

Personally, I've found a lot of comfort in what I learned from the Bible about what hope there is for our friends who have passed. Acts 24:15 says that there will be "a resurrection of both the righteous and the unrighteous." If it would bring you comfort to learn more about a hope of seeing your friend again, you can find out more here. http://www.jw.org/en/publications/books/bible-teach/real-hope-for-your-loved-ones-who-have-died/

If you ever need to talk with someone, feel free to contact me at my email address: mayadoub@ymail.com

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