Moving On

[Steph123]

My husband died in March and I have just had his inquest as he died unexpectedly.  Now that the inquest is over everyone is saying to me you need a holiday.  I agree I need a break away but I don't know if I'm ready for that as my husband and I loved our holidays together and I can't imagine going away on my own the thought of doing this is upsetting me.   I feel that what I discovered about my husband's on line dating exploits and his death is now hitting me as I feel quite low I'm ok Monday to Friday when I'm at work but come weekends I feel sad.  Should I book a holiday on my own or should I wait until I feel stronger and how long does the grieving last as I feel really sad and low this weekend. 

[HeyJude]

It is going to take as long as it takes.  That is the nature of grief, everybody is different in how they process everything.  If you are the type of person who is comfortable taking a holiday alone then by all means try it.  I took a 4 day holiday about 5 months into my grief journey and I was fine.  Nobody can really answer this for you.  I've been in the process for 20 months now and I still get sad, I probably always will.

[Steph123]

Did you holiday alone or did you go away with somebody.  I don't know if I am comfortable holidaying alone as I've never tried it all I know is when I'm alone my thoughts go sad for some reason I can't remember the happy times I just keep remembering the bad times yet we did have a lot of happy times. 

[Ladymay65]

Dear Steph,

I so understand your trepidation about vacationing alone. I have a ten year old son and feel obligated to make sure he has fun this summer. It's hard to go and do things without his dad/ my husband. Summertime was always when he would come alive and the weather is a sad reminder of what we have lost. It's been 9 months since his passing and I wonder if the pain will ever get to be less.

Be patient with yourself. It's a slow recovery. I think most of us want to get on with our lives and have a hard time getting there. The death of our loved ones is such a reminder that our lives are finite and at least for me, it seems like wasted time, all this grieving.

Time away in nature might give you some peace. Being in god's creation somehow helps me see the bigger picture and helps me be not so sad.

Take care,

Sharon

[HeyJude]

Steph - actually I took my mother (85) to a little German town in Georgia for mothers day.  So I was not alone.  I don't know if I can do alone.  I can't even go out to eat alone unless it is a drive thru.  Now, if it was like a 4 day cruise and you knew there would be a lot of people around then maybe I could do that but I don't do good alone.  My mind just won't shut up, know what I mean?

[Steph123]

Hi I know exactly what you mean about your mind not shutting up.  I think people mean well and are trying to make me run before I can walk - I'll just listen to them but I will go with my emotions.  I feel like I am only now starting to grieve after finding out he may have cheated on me with internet dating sites and being busy sorting out his estate -  it is only now I feel his death has truly hit me - as I was so angry and hurt in the beginning I feel I have now hit the grieving stage.  I'm so glad I found this site as I feel this helps me realise I'm not alone and the feelings I feel are shared by everyone at some stage. 

[HeyJude]

Steph - only you know when the right time to run is.  Don't let anyone else tell you different.

 

I don't know how you handle it, finding out the information you did on top of losing him.  They are two such different emotions.  I'll keep you in my prayers.

[Caremal]

My first trip was not easy  yet I did it and my dog helped me to not be alone.   Not easy yet was a start.  that was over 2 years ago and now life is different for me.     Life changes for us left behind, we can curl up in a ball or go on - GO ON.  Easy hell no yet for our sakes we need to do so.   My husband said go on and be happy - for the most part I am.   Sure I miss him I always will - yet he still got sick and died - sucked for sure.   been a long time and for some reason I am back feeling like I miss him a lot more as of late.  I know for me this will pass.   thanks for letting me put this down and getting it off my chest.     Back to life    bye for now.

[Mylashes]

What I wouldn't give to get away. To a beach to sit,.scream& cry. Until I can't scream or run out of tears. On posts, from hearing friends& family saying" it takes time", sure dznt feel like it. I wish I could hold myself together, to be able to stop the tears , every time I think of him..I have a long way to go.