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No "God" would take a baby.


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I was raised with complete faith in God. All we had to do was pray, and we would be healthy,happy and at peace.

"One day the Lord will appear, and all that was bad on earth would be gone."

"Do on to others as you want done on to you." "Two wrongs don't make a right."

And "The Lord is my Shepard..."

Until one day, I lost faith in all of that nonsense. Now I really don't think that any of that is real, and the bible is just as much of a fairytale as the 3 little pigs.

Because after living a good life, did my best to help others, love and care for my family, and friends. Then WHY would "God" take away my baby boy at only 6 months old?

(When I say my... He was like a son to me)

My best friend had him, but atfter the wrong man and some bad choirs she was sent to prison. Her mom already taken her 5 other kids, but couldn't care for a 6 week old baby. So I stepped in and raised him as my own, until his mom could be here.

My biggest regret, I suffer with everyday is not letting him have a "Mama". He instinctively called me mama, but out of honesty and respect for my friend I would correct him every time. I would say "no no no. Mamas not here, I'm auntie Hollie". That began him saying "Mama, No No No" as he believed THAT to be my name.

I can't move forward. I am still cloudy, I forget what I was doing within seconds, I can't leave home without anxiety and panic attacks. I stay in my house and don't care if I ever see anyone. I just took his things down from our room a week ago. People think I'm crazy. Am I? I can't enjoy anything because I feel guilty if I smile. I miss him so much, I dream of him, I wanna join him sometimes. I just don't know how to exist again.

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Dear Son2be,

Your feelings are completely understandable. All views are welcome here.

When we experience a profound loss, we question everything in our life's ...including our faith. We have a new life that none of us want. We are forced to exist without our children. In the beginning, this task seems impossible. We want our old life back....now.

As time goes on, we have no choice but to breath in and out and put one foot in front of the other. During those steps, we learn to live in this new life.

I have been on this journey for 6 years. I still have difficult times, but my family has found a way to survive.

I post on the loss of an adult child thread. My Brian was not an adult, but I am accepted without question and you will too.

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever

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