Members alyrayburn Posted July 8, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 8, 2014 Hi, my name is Alyson. Loss is not foreign to me, it has been for the most part, the biggest part of my life. The most recent has been a huge blow as my oldest daughter was the only one left other than myself of the family of 4 I had started 24 years ago. My sweet beautiful Carissa passed away June 18th of this year. She had turned 24 on May 16th and truly was an angel on earth. Like I said in the beginning, this was not the first for me. I lost my darling Judy on Dec 17th of 2010 and both of my girls father the year before that on May 1st. My Judy was just 19 years old and their father was 39. My family were all taken by a horrible disease called huntingtons disease. I did not know this disease was in his family as his dad had been adopted and there was no family history. This disease has literally taken so much from me, from this world and it is devastating.I have been involved for many, many years in the HD community. Sat on the board, spoken at National conventions, done education all over. Yet I find myself not able to get the support I need as I am always the supporter, not the supportee. All I ever hear is how strong I am, how others feel bad about their lives and think of me and feel better. It makes me want to scream. Glad my life got you off the bridge!!! I am no stronger than anyone else, I just dont have a **** bit of choice. After spending countless hours looking for local support groups that maybe deal in grief or loss of a child, with no luck at all, I landed here. I know the grief process, I know why I am so sad, so mad, why my brain isnt working right, etc..etc..But I am alone in the fact that unless you have buried, cremated or whatever you are forced to do with your baby, or stood infront of a crowd of blank faces and spoke of your childs life in past tense, or sat with the largest hole in your heart, you cant possibly understand. So this is me, this is where I find myself. In a cyberworld looking for those with broken hearts, those who are changed forever by the short lives of their beautiful children. Seeking sadly the connection that you never want to make with anyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted July 8, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 8, 2014 Alyson, I am so sorry for the loss of your precious daughters, Carissa and Judy; and your husband from this terrible disease.... There is a group of us that are quite active in the Loss of an Adult Child thread....some of us have had multiple child losses and there are a few that have a combination loss of both husband and child/ren... It has been a sweet group of moms that have helped me tremendously during this walk through hell...and there are not many who understand -- or even want to understand -- the depth of pain one goes through when facing such severe tragedy. We are an open-minded group and often discuss things at length over a myriad of topics that accompany deep grief. A few of the people have been on this thread for more than 7+ years. Please feel free to post there....here is a direct link, otherwise look in the Loss of a Child subforum...you will see the thread Loss of an Adult Child there... http://forums.grieving.com/index.php/topic/41-loss-of-an-adult-child/ You are in my thoughts and prayers this evening.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shorty16 Posted July 9, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 9, 2014 Hello Alyson,I have been on this site since June of 2008, after my 16 year old son, Brian died in a car crash.I post on the loss of an adult child thread. Even though my Brian was not an adult, I am accepted without question, and you will too.I know of Huntingtons Disease and it is a very tough disease. Please share your daughters with us if you can. Or just read.Hugs to youColleen, Brian's Mom forever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 9, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 9, 2014 Alyson....please go to 'Loss of Adult Child' site.....and you are so right....unless you have lost a child....there is no way to explain the depths of pain....heartache...suffering and grief....it is a dark journey where we get no map or compass....I lost a 'child'....John David....he was 42.....and it doesn't matter if your child was 5 days old....5 years old....50 years old....they are still 'your child'.....and many on that site has lost 2 children....we are hanging on to each other....some only by a thread....and we know your heart is shattered and in pieces....Please let us know more about your girls...and how you are doing.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members alley0018 Posted November 1, 2014 Members Report Share Posted November 1, 2014 Dear Alyson: I am so very sorry for the loss of your two daughters and also your husband. I truly understand how you feel. You see I lost my two adult daughters Christina and Jennifer ages 34 and 31 in October 1, 2008 and June 18, 2009. I feel broken and shattered. I can't sleep well and can't focus long on anything. I want to scream sometimes and wake up from this nightmare. The hole in my heart is so painful. Many don't understand. People don't like you to bring my children up. It makes them uncomfortable. I KNOW THEY ARE IN HEAVEN NO LONGER HAVING CYSTIC FIBROSIS, no longer having to worry about taking their anti rejection pills for their lung transplants but I miss them and just don't ever seem to be happy. The person I used to be no longer exists. So yes I know and all I can say is put one foot in front of the other and keep going. Stay as busy as you can till your exhausted and fall into bed. Believe in God even if we might be mad or disappointed. And keep close to those that can comfort and help you through. I will never feel like it will ever get better for me. I just try to feel what I feel and then try to keep going. Warmest Regards, Ally Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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