lost my 1 year 4 months baby

[yosh]

I lost my boy, he was diagnosed with many things. firstly it was bronchitis, meningitis, tb, a bacteria called streptococcus found in his blood, he was treated with many different antibiotics, tb treatment but he ended up in ICU and later hours died due to liver damage. its been four months now and I still feel like it was yesterday, im angry with myself bacause I feel like all I did was be next to him all the time and allowed the docs to do whatever, even when they we not sure just suspecting, im angry doctors I do not trust them and I feel that sometimes they just do things, im angry at God, He gave me an awesome boy without any defects but as small as he was God let him suffer n let satan take him away from me. I feel like I wasn't a good mom and all. its too painful and wat ive taught myself is to live through the pain because I dought it will ever go away. worce of to months after my baby's death im pregnant, Aa IM TOOO SCARED, im not ready but still abortion is against by beliefs. I just don't know :'(...

[lonesomemike]

I am sorry about your baby. My oldest daughter lost one after 3 days. She never got to hold him while he was alive.

[mydeepestthoughts]

I would like to first all say that I am sorry for your lost. No one really can say that they "understand". Perhaps, I can ease your sorrow by pointing you to a source that has giving me,and others who have lost love ones to our greatest enemy death,some relief. It's a quote from the bible,that will soon be fulfilled on this earth,it is found at Rev 24:4 which reads "and he will wipe out every year from their eyes,and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore,the former things have passed away". Since we can see death,sorrow and suffering all around us, this is clearly a future prophecy. Some may say that this is unrealistic, and will never take place. I encourage you to examine the attached link to a publication on our website www.jw.org entitled "Would you like to know the truth" there it give real answers to questions like "Why does God allow suffering?", and "What happens to dead loved ones?" http://www.jw.org/en/publications/books/?start=36

May you find peace, and comfort.

If you have any questions, please feel free to respond.

[shorty16]

Yosh

4 months is but a few seconds on this journey. Your entire world, as you knew it, has changed.

Anger and guilt is something I am all to familiar with. These emotions zapped my energy.

It is ok to feel these emotions at such an early stage. As time goes on, you will learn to replace the anger and guilt with loving memories.

This takes a long time. Please join us on Loss of an Adult child thread. My son was only 16 when he died. All are accepted here.

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever

[redrose1982]

Hi Yosh.

 

Its been a few months since you posted, but I only came accross your post now.

 

Like everyone says no one can say they know how you feel as everyone feels different in their losses.

 

I can tell you this that I understand all the emotions you are going through.

 

I had a perfectly healthy 10 month old daughter. She wasnt a day sick in her life. We had her once at the doctors with a slight fever when she was teething and everyone was dont worry about it if it happens again. Its just teething.

 

We lost her on the 27the of June to meningococcal sepia. Basically a different version streptococcu.

 

We rushed her to hospital the Wednesday night at around 10 of the 25th of June after she had raised temperature, started throwing up and breathing funny. Only the Thursday night at 7.30 did the doctor diagnose her with the meningitis and septicemia. She passed away at 6 the Friday morning. We didnt leave her side.

 

And I still feel guilty that its my fault. Why did I listen to people and get normal medication for her fever.(Ponstan and mucospect) when I should have insisted on getting something stronger for her.

 

But whats worse she had the fever two weeks before we took her to hospital and she was all better. Even the Tuesday night before rushing her to hospital she was so full of energy at day care and 10 at night she was still busy playing and was so bubbly.

 

I to am angry at the docs.... angry at God... just plain angry at everything and everyone and COMPLETELY blame myself.

 

I was her mommy... how could I not see there was something wrong. But being a first time mommy I went on what everyone kept telling me. Even the daycare said that she was absolutely normal during the day the Wednesday we rushed her to hospital.

 

So now the daycare teachers have experience...surely they would have picked up something.

 

Now I feel soooooo empty and all I want is my little girl back in my arms!!!

 

[1Samuel27]

Sept 5, 2014 God called my 10 month old baby boy .. a week prior to his calling he was sick with an ear infection and fever ...Dr placed him on antibiotics and ear drops .. he was back to his normal happy self the morning of his passing he had a febrile fever we called 911 and paramedics came they said he was fine and was just a febrile seizure and to just watch his fevers .. i gave him motrin for fever than he was back to his happy normal self .. I took him to my friend that day she watched him .. 430 pm that day I got the horrific call that she had found my little angel Sammy lifeless and unresponsive. They were unable to revive him and they did confirm he had passed in his sleep. Autopsy report not complete but they were able to tell me that he had a very enlarged abdominal lymphnode and an enlarged spleen. Which could be due to an infection. Very hard to believe , because he showed no symptoms and was his happy self.. GOD Has Been My Ultimate Strength. Missing my Little angel every second of the day.