coping with watching my husband die

[ConnieE]

I an new here. I was looking for somewhere to say all the things I have been feeling. I am watching my husband die of pancreatic cancer that he has now survived for over 7 years.

He is disappearing little-by-little. He sleeps most of the time and he won't eat or drink much. I have run out to buy things at the store that he says he wants just to get something in to him. I don't want to bug him about eating or drinking, but I don't know what else to do, either. I am fearful and it is effecting my thinking. I am so distracted that I have begun to have accidents and I forget things that I used to be able to remember, such as things at work. I have to work because he can't, obviously, but I am afraid that I will be fired. I am under so much stress right now with all of this. I love him and he is going no matter what I do. My heart hurts.

[ModKonnie]

ConnieE,

I am very sorry for what you and your husband are going through. Of course feel free to say anything you feel like saying. If you are mad, tired, angry, fearful, hurt, lonely or anything else, we will listen to you. Feel free to rant, rave, cry, brag, nag or anything else.

 

We will be here for you,

ModKonnie

 

Have you thought about those nutritional drink supplements like Ensure? Will those help him get something down? Does your company have any type of family leave act? Can you work part-time yet sustain your living? Are there others to help you? Don't be afraid to ask for help. Most people desperately want to help but don't know how to.

 

 

[msmom]

Connie,

My heart breaks for you. I was the caregiver for my son and had to watch similar things. Heart wrenching as we want them free of pain but desperate to not have them leave. Something that was very informative we received from hospice was a small booklet that explained what to expect. Sadly, we did not receive it until the day before he passed away. If you can get your hands on it tomorrow it would be very helpful. I'm sorry we didn't get it sooner as I would have done a few things differently. It explains how the body naturally starts to shut down and they sleep more, stop eating, drinking.  The most important thing it says in there we should all be told is this: the sense of hearing is the last to go. So speaking to them even if they can't respond with loving words, saying things they suggest that are universally good, playing soft music, comforting them are all things they can hear. If you can get hospice to come in asap (if not already there) that would be great. They can come within a day or two and ease so much of this burden for you of trying to do it all. They are amazing. I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. My son had cancer. It doesn't matter that we all know it's coming -- we can never prepare ourselves for it adequately. Shouldn't have to. Warm hugs of support. Wish I could do more.

[Chyloe]

Hi Connie, I am new here also, and your story sounds scarily similar to mine.  My husband had adrenal cancer for almost 7 years, and he passed on 24 June 2014.  Just 17 short days ago.  We have 2 sons, a 15 year old whose birthday was on 18 June and a 10 year old.  I am lost. 

 

I also worked right up until the end and his mother did most of his care as he had not been able to work since April 2013. 

 

He was transferred to palliative care on Monday 23 June and he passed at about 7.30 am the next day. 

 

My heart hurts also, for you, for me and for my beautiful boys who now have no daddy.