How do you grieve, and how do you know when you are done?

[JennyC23]

My husband died in the middle of my semester in collage. I spent a week sitting by his bed side in the hospital and went back to school the day after the funeral. I had to keep pushing the pain back. Keep it down so I could function. Most people could not understand how I was able to go back at all but my choices were to sit at home alone or go to my favorite place where I have friends and I could learn somthing instead of dwelling on it.

           Now I am taking the summer off to deal and I hope to be finnished by the fall semester. Dose this sound rediculous? Will I ever be finished? I recieved my Deans list letter a few days ago. The worst perod of my life and I made the Deans list. Weird. I am a single mother of three boys now so finnishing school is my only option. I certianly can not support them with minimum wage work.

[MissingDaniel]

Hugs to you, Jenny.  I am very sorry for your loss.  I, too, am amazed that you were able to go back to school so quickly.  I went back to work the week after the funeral, but I was not worth much for quite some time.  I still don't feel like I function at 100% while at work, so kudos to you on making Deans List.  It sounds like you are channeling your grief into something constructive (school) so you can make a better life for your sons.  Good for you!

 

As for being finished by fall, I don't know that that's the best way to word it.  You may have gotten through some of the most intense feelings, but I don't know that you are ever "finished."  You learn to deal with it, and you learn to function, but the loss is still there.  I think most will tell you that you never really get over it, but you just adjust to the new reality.  I wish you the best as you work to get through this very difficult time.  Be good to yourself!

[HeyJude]

Hello Jenny.  I am very sorry about your husband.  I am getting so frustrated at the number of young men who are dying.  It blows me away.  My husband wasn't "old" by any means, he was 57, but we spent 33 yrs together and had a wonderful life.  There are so so many young women who have their mates just snatched away at such an early age.  It isn't fair.

 

Anyway, you are something else girl!!!!  Listen, there is no right or wrong way to grieve.  It very well could be that your throwing yourself into your school work IS your way of grieving.  There is absolutely no rhyme or reason to this thing we call "grief".  Everyone's journey is so incredibly different and unique.  My mother for instance.  My dad passed away after they had been married over 50 years.  She didn't sob and live in fear like I do.  She just got on with her life, she never really skipped a beat.  And my parents had a wonderful relationship.  She moved in with us after dad died and I honestly don't know what I would do without her.

 

I wouldn't even plan grief.  I wish I could do that.  I would say I can only grieve on the weekends when I'm alone but it doesn't work that way.  Just keep doing what your doing because that is what is working for you.  Congrats on making the Dean's List...that is awesome!!  Your kids are lucky to have a mom like you.  If I were you I would just kinda go with whatever feelings you may have at any given time.  That is pretty much what I do.  I can be perfectly fine for several days and then there will be a day that I miss him so bad I cry all the way home from work.  I wish we could say "I have three months to get this grieving out of my system" and them force it.  That would be fantastic!!  But it doesn't work that way.

 

And stick around here with us.  Sometimes just writing takes such a huge load of despair off our shoulders.  Glad your here with us.

 

Judy