mini panic attacks

[JennyC23]

My husband of thirteen years died of a massive heart attack 3 1/2 mo ago. I keep feeling these small panic attacks. They only last a few seconds, but the pain is phisical. I relize he is gone from me and feel a tingling in my stomach and weight pressing down on me. I had one a little while ago and it was so bad it made me wimper. Then it was over. They hit me in the weirdest times and from the strangest things. I never know when it will happen. Dose this happen to any one else? Is this normal?

[lostandhurt]

Yes, I have severe panic attacks. It feels like an elephant is sitting on my chest, it's hard to breathe and it feels like my heart is going to explode. My husband passed on February 11, two months before our 29 th wedding anniversary. In 7 days it will be 4 months for me and I miss him every minute of every day and night. The nights are the excruciating.  The panic attacks can come when you least expect like the tears. If you haven't seen a doctor you may want to consider doing so. The doctor told me lots of people have panic attacks after suffering such a loss. I am sorry for your great loss. It is a very hard thing to go through. Everyone says it takes time and they are right. All we can do is take it a day at a time. Sometimes minute by minute. Have you gone into the chat room? It helps sometimes to talk with others going through the loss of a loved one. You probably already have but if not you should try it. You don't have to talk about anything you wish not to. I know it helped me and still does. Sometimes we even talk about recipes and even make each other laugh. Laughter is good medicine. My heart goes out to you. I know how terribly I miss my husband so I can relate. My prayers are with you JennyC23. Hope you feel better soon.

[HeyJude]

Yep Jenny...those little panic attacks are completely normal.  The reality of it all is staring to sink in and it is a very hard pill to swallow.  We lost our husbands.  That, in and of itself, is devastating.  We also lost life as we knew it.  It is almost like the rug is pulled out from under our feet.  When I think of my Jerry I feel intense sadness.  When I think of my life now without him, that is when I panic.

[Dr. Pat]

Good Morning Jenny -

 

I too lost my husband to a sudden and completely unexpected heart attack. I'm also a mental health counselor so on both counts (as a grieving widow and as a health care provider) I can tell you that your panic attacks are normal. The good news that they will lessen in frequency, severity and duration. You can help that wanted outcome along by doing these things: 

 

1] Spend a minute every half hour to an hour just breathing - relaxing your body and mind. Sit or lie down. Breathe in through your nose slowly and fully counting 1....2....3....4. Then hold that full breath for another count of 4. Then slowly and evenly let the air out through your mouth counting 1....2....3...4..... 5.......6.  Use a phrase such as "all is well", or "I am well" as you exhale. This practice re-sets your alarm bells and lowers the threshold for setting off a panic attack. 

 

2] Realize that anything can set you off - you may not even realize what it was that triggered the attack. It could be something obvious, like seeing his sweater or his favorite cup. Or it could be something as little as a color in someone else's shirt that reminds you of a favorite shirt of his. Tell yourself when the panic attack hits that it will be over soon - they always end - all of them! The brain chemicals that get released during a panic attack take about 1-3 minutes to get reabsorbed thereby returning you to "normal" (your new normal). Breathing is important as you come down out of these so that you don't re-trigger yourself. 

 

I've started an online counseling service called Thriving Despite Grief.com. There is a free presentation (a webinar) on the home page. When you click on it you need to enter your email in order to access it. There is a sales pitch at the end of the presentation, but you do not have to respond to that. The ideas I present there will be helpful for you on this most difficult journey of your life. You may also feel free to email me back. 

 

All my very best wishes for your recovery,

 

Dr. Pat

 

[meashline]

It's happening to me all the time too... it's almost unbearable. I've had other tragedies in the 25 years we were together, and he was always there for me. And now he's the tragedy and I feel like I can't breathe. I know it's normal, but I HATE it.

[IMISSTAO]

I have panic attacks, too.  My anxiety worsened after a year; I think it is because I was so focused on our children, getting them into therapy and making their lives more bearable that I never processed anything myself.  Then I had an incident where someone stole my bank card and I had to go through this whole process to get it straightened out, and it just set me off.  Usually when something like that would happen, Tao would be there for me: making me feel better, making me feel I could bear it, making me realize that there's more to life than bad people.  But he wasn't there this time, and it sent me swirling in panic; it was like I realized fully how alone how I am and I have not really recovered.  Now I feel like I panic a  I t every little thing.  I am getting help now - I have started to see a therapist and I am now on Buspar daily and Klonopin for nighttime - but I think I could've been able to avoid meds if I had taken care of myself better earlier in the process.  I wish so much for you to not feel anxiety because it is so awful, but I think it is a bit inevitable to feel anxious a bit.  I pray you can find a good person to talk to about your feelings and get help sooner than I did.  I really believe my avoidance then is my nemesis now.  Please find someone to talk to.  I wish I wouldn't freak out over every little thing and now have to take meds, but it is better than feeling like I am choking all the time.  I miss my Tao.