Missing my brother

[christophersister]

It's just over six months now that I lost my brother completely unexpectedly. Most days I do not know how I get by moment by moment. I miss his SO much.  

[Heartlight]

Hello there, dear 'sister,

 

I'm so sorry about your brother.

 

I lost my sister completely unexpectedly also.  I, too, didn't know how to continue.  I actually went to see a counsellor because, as I stated to him, "I don't know how to be ok about being ok."

 

You see, for me, it wasn't just a matter of being ok in this life, it was that I didn't know that it was ok to be ok in this life anymore.  This world had completely changed and the person who knew me the best, who I thought of every single day of my 40-year life (and this is truth) was now gone and it seemed like half of me went with her.

 

And I didn't know that 'ok' was ever going to be possible and I didn't think that it would ever be right to even want to be 'ok'.

 

The loss of someone is one of the most excruciating thing in existence.  It is completely understandable that you are struggling, daily.  Please know this: it is natural to be feeling anything you are feeling.

 

What I found is that I just needed to find ways of coping with my extreme pain.  The counsellor helped me realize both that there was no alternative and that my sister would truly want me to be ok (as would your brother) so learning to accept my pain and allow myself to grief without judgement was the only thing I could do.

 

One of the good things about this website is that people can write here things that they may not feel comfortable telling to others.  Mourning is one way of allowing yourself to be non-judgemental towards yourself and what you're feeling.  It is the expression of your grief, it is the expression of your love and your loss and it is healthy to be able to do that.  If you have friends and family that you feel comfortable with, ask them to listen to you.  Ask for hugs when you need them.  Come here and write about your relationship and about your pain.

 

And please, please, don't judge yourself with regards to time.  There is no time schedule when it comes to feeling loss.  There is only honoring yourself and your relationship and everything you're feeling is natural.

 

Please remember to be good to yourself as you move forward.  Eat properly, even if it's mechanical, try to get some refreshing exercise... time with nature, for instance, can be extremely healing.  In time, you will be able to understand what you need to help yourself through each day.

 

<3

[staragenda]

I lost my brother in 2007.   I was living in Nevada when I got the message that he was on life support.   I took the Greyhound to Memphis and made it to Arkansas where he was in ICU.   He did come out of it briefly and there was hope that he might get better.   I have since learned that it is common for this to happen in the dying process.   It was like he had unfinished business before he finally crossed over.    He was my younger brother.   I should have gone before him.   It's not fair but it never is.    His body wore out at a young age.   He was only 50.

[ddsims903]

It's been almost 6 1\2 years since I lost my brother unexpectedly, and I miss him greatly. He was the greatest big brother a girl could ever dream of having. He was my only sibling and my best friend.