First time here. I have questions regarding guardianship of my 2 grandchildren

[roxannek500]

Our 32 year old son passed away on Monday April 28, 2014. He passed from unknown causes in his home. He left our 2 grandchildren, Breyanna - age 15 and Craig Jr (CJ) - age 13.

 

This is a complicated situation. My son never married the mother of our grandchildren.  She and her entire family have not been involved in their lives that much and the entire family are well known for being able to pull things over on the court system. (Welfare fraud, writing bad checks, child support, ect.)

 

My son was in a relationship with the "now" stepmother, they have lived together for 4 1/2 years and then married for 5 years.  Our son had full guardianship of our 2 grandchildren since they were 5 and 3 years old.  Our son never had any legal paper work written up regarding our grandchildren.

 

Needless to say, we have hired a lawyer for our step daughter in law to get full guardianship of the children.  We believe that the birth mother will sign over parental rights of the children, due to her passed with them.

 

The police also stated that because of the ages of our grandchildren, they will have a say as to where they want to live.  They both want to live with the stepmother that they have been living with before the death of our son.  We have a very close relationship with both children and have since they were born.

 

Here is the whole problem: if everything goes the way it should, our step daughter in law wanted the 3 of us to have guardianship and raise the children together. The lawyer said there can only be one legal guardian.  Our step daughter in law has always been known for her strong controlling attitude.  She has made it clear that she wants and need our help with our grandchildren lives.

 

My husband and I recently found out that she has a slight drinking problem.  How or do we bring this up to her before the court date is set? How do we make her aware that we are concerned without her getting upset with us and possibly keeping our grandchildren out of our lives after she gets full guardianship?  We live in the same small town and are in walking distances of each other.

 

 

[Heartlight]

Hi roxannek,

 

I'm sorry about your son and the situation you find yourself in.  I'm glad to hear that it won't be as difficult for you as if the birth mother were involved more.

 

I am not sure what the laws are where you live but I know there are some jurisdictions in Canada that have grandparents and their rights specifically mentioned in their family law.  It may be that you have something similar so that, in the event your daughter-in-law becomes unreasonable, you would still have a legal standing of your own in court and could initiate proceedings to exercise your rights even after she has full guardianship.  This is something you could ask a lawyer.

 

With regards to her drinking, anyone who has a problem but doesn't think they have a problem is touchy situation.  You may want to attend for some alcohol-counselling sessions yourselves to learn the best way to deal with someone with a slight drinking problem.  It would be my suggestion that any and all communication you have with her - if and when you mention the problem - always be centered around how much you believe in her and are happy she was with your son and how good she is with the children and how you are happy to be there in support of her and that you want to be there for her, especially in difficult times.  Being honest in communication is, in my opinion, always for the best, but expressing it in the most supportive ways are sometimes the tools that we need.  Not being accusatory or defensive but learning how to be honest and supportive are what your own counselling sessions may be able to help you with.

 

I wish you great luck and, again, I am so sorry about your son

 

<3