Lost my angel,

[rlsmith]

My dear wife, best friend and soul mate lost her 16 month battle with colon cancer on valentines day this year. Today is my birthday, Wednesday would have been our 20th Anniversary. I miss her so much. I feel so alone and empty. She was everything to me. My beautiful wife was only 52 when she passed. I turned 47 today. We always planned on growing old together, but those plans where ripped away. I really don't know how I am going to live the rest of my life without her. My mother passed away a day after our anniversary 2 years ago. Between my birthday, mothers day and our anniversary, I don't know how I will make it through the week. I think May will become my worst month.   

[sim-law]

I relate very much with your situation, my wife didn't make it through cancer treatment due to complications, mainly due to cfs which made her too weak to fight when she got pneumonia. The days, months years ahead seem overwhelming. I have not had time to go through any anniversaries yet but am already dreading them.

Just spent the last hour roaming aimlessly through our home and everywhere are little things she treasured. I am not looking forward to the task of clearing out her considerable amount of clothes, shoes and bags many of which are almost new but at least these can benefit some charity.

My mother probably has so long to live either now she is in a home with Alzheimer's and gradually getting worse.

Hope you get through the week.

Simon

[rlsmith]

Thank you Simon. I know how hard it must be on you. I wish I would wake up and realize it was just a bad dream. The sixteen months of chemo seems like a blur now. I never missed her chemo treatment. But right now it seems like a dream.

[HeyJude]

I am so sorry for both of you gentlemen's losses.  My husband of 33 yrs died at the age of 57, 16 months ago.  I still have problems and suspect that I always will.  Just last night I woke up in the middle of the night facing his empty side of the bed.  For a split second my brain went to that place - "Hummm, I wonder where Jerry is".  I hate that so much because for a second everything feels all right again, like maybe he just got up to get a drink.  But then I slam back into reality.  Guys, we are here for you whenever you need to talk.  This is a very long journey that we are on.  We really need each others support.

[Dr. Pat]

Hello RL:

 

I was your age when my first husband died from bone cancer - multiple myeloma. You are on the most difficult journey you'll ever have to get through. Thank goodness for blogs such as this - to help you realize you are not the only one. It happens to every single couple - 99.9 percent of couples lose their spouse. Precious few die together.

 

I've recently lost my second husband of 18 years. I couldn't believe it could happen to me twice. While he was dying by inches of 3 different kinds of cancer, he actually died quite quickly from a massive heart attack. It was the day after Thanksgiving. His heart was the one "good" organ he had. I'm pretty sure that was no accident - I think God said "well done, let me spare you this slow dying and I'll bring you home now (it took 15 minutes)." 

 

I'm a mental health counselor and am just beginning an internet based access to counseling for those who live too far away from counseling help or who don't want to go find one. There is a free seminar (webinar) with some really helpful information in it on the website (thrivingdespitegrief.com). Granted, there's a sales pitch at the end, but you can ignore that. You are still so fresh in your grief journey, this can give you some definite guidance about coping and moving on. 

 

All my very best wishes for you,

 

Dr. Pat

[sim-law]

Rlsmith,

Hope you made it through the day, I have been trying not to think too much about the future or I get overwhelmed. Just made it home from shopping yesterday before I fell apart.

If you want to email any time let me know.

Simon