Not Able to Care for My Health

[shorty16]

Betty

 

I too feel your pain.  My 16 year old son Brian died on 6-19-08 in a car accident.  I too feel the pain is getting worse - not better.  I started smoking after quiting in 2001.  The physical pain of actually thinking he will never come back is too much to bare.

I am trying to work 32 hours a week, but find myself leaving at 12.  I have 2 other children that need me.  They lost their brother.  I have an 18 year old daughter who is a freshmen at UWisconsin Milw. and a 14 year old son who is a frshman at the same high school his brother should be a senior.

Brian is missing the best part of his school life - Seniors.  I ache every day asking myself how a 16 year old can die.  How can that happen.  Why does that happen.

Betty, whether you like it or not, we are examples to our family.  We can be a bad example or a good example it is a choice.  We have a choice and you and I must choose to live and live in a way that we would want our other children to live.

I too want to stay in bed an die, but I know that would destroy my family and I cannot do that to them right now. 

Thinking of you

Colleen

 

[tanmanmymagicman]

Oh Betty, I tell ya I feel addictions are the devil's works.  Oh how it destroys people and families;  I have a long list; where would I start;

So, so, sorry for your son!!!!  So, so sorry you are feeling bad; Please just don't feel alone;

My husband is in week 1 of a 28 day rehab for drinking and coping;

Shorty, if I am remembering your names????? My husband cannot, accept that our 16 year old son is gone and he has almost destroyed his life over it.

Drinking and driving and I will be honest I was only worried about if he killed someone but felt if he died it might of been a blessing for him.

I hope this treatment will help him; its the best place that our insurance would cover; so far so good. he sounds like a different person on the phone.

My heart does ache for everyone on this site; honestly I feel it; but it also helps me alot to know all of you. 

I am going to post whenever I have time; I want to help anyone I can; it will help me too.  BLESS ALL OF YOU!!!!!!!  Sleep what is that??????????????????????????:?

Cindy; I miss you Tan;

[heartbeataway]

Betty,

Talk to someone professionial, and do it as soon as you can.  It might surprise you but the second year can be the hardest.  The first year, you focus on the "firsts" and you're numb, grieving and trying to do "the right things" whatever they are.  Then the second year starts and most folks think you should be "over it" and "moving on".

But, you're in a sense just beginning your life without your child .......

For the first few months, I would go to sleep at night and the last thing I would whisper in my mind was, "please don't let me wake up".  This would be after laying there for hours.

This journey is NO FUN!  It's tough and it's not a journey that you can prepare for.  You just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other and as you journey on, you will find that it gets softer.  You find that you learn to live through the pain and the loss. It will never go away and you will never forget.  But you worry that you will.

My husband and I watched a video called, "The Space Between Breaths". It's compiled of the stories of other parents who have lost and lived and want to share their stories with the hope that it will help others.

In the video, one father makes the statement that he wants to do whatever he can to make the kind of difference that his daughter would have made in the world.  We both really liked that.

We try to be the parents that he loved and was proud of.  We want to continue to make him proud.

It still hurts every minute of every day.  Certains situations are much harder to get through than others.  I still can't do family events where it's reunion atmosphere.  Our nephews wedding is an example.  It's too hard to see everyone together and for Jason not to be there with us.

But we still trudge along and God willing we will keep his memory alive while keeping our spirits intact.

And we did all of this, one minute, one hour, one day at a time ......

I wish you peace of heart.

By the way, our son died April 28th, 2007 of a rare undiagnosed heart disease.  He never knew he had it.  His first manifestation was sudden death.

Bonnie

[heartbeataway]

Hi Betty,

I'm so glad you made an appointment with a therapist. Please make sure that you make it there! If you don't "connect", then don't be afraid to choose another one.

It's important so you need to be comfortable with the person or it will not benefit you.

I didn't realize that you have also lost your husband. You do need a support system!

Bless your heart!

You might consider joining the Loss Of An Adult Child site.  Many of us do not venture outside of it.

You have come to the right place for solace.  We are all on the same journey just traveling at different paces and starting at different times.

Blessings,

Bonnie

[tanmanmymagicman]

Hi Betty, you can't do it all at once; My going through that with your son ;  We are mortals with faults and defaults; I take Xanax every day (almost) try not to take it before 6pm so that helps me cope;  I hope I don't take it forever but I have taken it for years just not in this stronger dose for restless legs.

Thank you for the email; I know the best is yet to come for you; Bless you.

Cindy

Having trouble posting a picture of my son; it came out really small.  I am not a computer person and do not have alot of patience.