born just to die

[Naleana]

My husband and I have been together for over 10 years, married 7 of those. We had a hard time getting pregnant a miscarriage and a false positive on a home test among the set backs. After 3 1/2 years I found out I was pregnant last December. The next few months were wonderful the 2 of us sharing the ups and downs. He teased me about morning sickness and laughed when I banned his favorite food from the house because I couldn't stand the smell, just to start carving it 3 weeks later. I had a big day planed for the 20 week ultrasound (actually scheduled for our 21st week because of work issues) that included lunch and shopping with both of our moms. That would have happened next week.

 

2 days ago I got home from work and was cooking dinner when I started cramping. The pain was intense and I called the advise nurse. She told me it sounded like I was having Braxton Hicks, but she would have a doctor call me. The doctor called back and told me to go in to the hospital. They strapped some monitors to my stomach, and we heard the baby's heart beat. As the doctor was checking my cervix she let out a little "Oh" of surprise, then her face went blank and she said "This doesn't feel right. We need to do an ultrasound." I could already feel tears as I held my husbands hand. She told us the cramps were my body's way of getting prepared for labor. The amniotic sack had already passed the cervix and I would be having my baby in the next 24 hours. 

 

At 8:20 am yesterday morning I gave birth to my son, James Lucas. He lived for about 3 hours. In that time we held him, talked to him, and told him we loved him. 

 

I miss him more than I ever thought possible.

[shorty16]

Naleana

I am so sorry for your loss. The 3hours you shared with him will someday become very precious memories. Now, the emotion is utter loss and sadness.

Our 16 year old son, Brian died on 6-19-2008. This road is very hard. We talk on the "Loss of an Adult" thread. Neither of our boys were adults, but we are accepted without question.

Hugs to you

Colleen, Brian's Mom 4ever

[bethree5]

I am so SO sorry for your loss. 

 

Reading your post helps me a great deal.  I hope you understand that by posting here, you not only share your loss, but help give perspective to others.

 

We too struggled to become pregnant.  We had been in infertility treatment, trying for 4+ years; his zygote implanted during the week we were scheduled for a home visit re: adoption.  We were blessed to bear another two sons in short order after George. Yet I so related to your post title 'born just to die.' Even though our beautiful child was with us for 23 years.

 

I will always remember the feeling I had, just before and after George was born. I even shared it with my father-in-law, though he didn't understandt:  I felt crushed by the responsibility of this child-- as though I were at the bottom of a deep trench & wondered if I could possibly manage the task set before me.  He was a gift from God, for sure, and the most wonderful person, but his life was filled with suffering and ended far too soon.  As did the life of your son, James Lucas.

 

God bless.