Both parents gone by age 65

[LadyV]

My dad was so sick, and suffered for so long. He had no quality of life and so many times we thought *this is it*, and we/I was ready. I spent so much time traveling the 300 miles to be with him in the hospital, the ICU nurses knew me. By this time my mother was getting sick, and had nothing left in her to give to him. She had been his caregiver for so long.....So I had to step up and do it all. My greatest joy is knowing that he did die on *his terms*, and although he was afraid of heart failure, where he told me it would take about six minutes for his lungs to fill up with fluid, and for him to die.

The last time I seen him was Father's Day, and saying I love you. The next weekend he wasn't feeling well and asked mom to set up a treatment for his lungs. She turned around to give it to him and he was already dead. He died instantly. <3

 

It seems like as soon as dad died, mom's health took a nose dive. All of a sudden she was diagnosed with pulmonary fibrosis and her MS got worse. She also had COPD, and within about 18 months, she too was on oxygen 24/7.

I am angry though! Her BFF who loved her like a sister, and was a retired nurse, and my *right hand* when I couldn't be there....she kept telling me that she thought my mom was acting like it was worse for attention, and playing on it. I could see it ....she was to a point, but I was NOT expecting her to die RIGHT NOW! We knew she was sick, and it was a joke between her and I, that she was going back into the hospital for the rest and attention. I thought it was just the same old routine. We laughed about her going back!!!!! Then I got a phone call from her BFF....I thought it was going to be the same thing...I run there (five hours each way), spend a few days there and she'll get better, and it's back and forth for a year or two.

When the doctor came in and told me bluntly that this was it, that even if she recovered from her pneumonia, there was nothing left in her lungs to fight.......I was so shocked. It was like the future bitchslapped me in the face.

How could we go from laughing and joking about it, to THIS IS IT, RIGHT NOW?

[Trish91]

Hi LadyV,

 

I'm so very sorry for your losses! I miss my mom every day, all the time. Sometimes I am not so sad, but most of the time I am overwhelmed by this longing for my mom, her voice, her guidance, her support, her laughter, her presence in this world. I miss her so very, very much. She died of long cancer, even though she'd never smoked a cigarette in her life, not even as a second-hand smoker. She did not work or was exposed to carcinogenic substances or had a family history of lung cancer. She died a few days after turning 67, and two and a half weeks after being diagnosed with that awful illness that showed no symptoms until it reached her bones and liver. I still cannot believe that my amazing mom, the light of my life, my best friend, my everything, left me all of a sudden.

 

I had been overseas, and when I returned home, my aunts were at the airport and hit me with the terrible news that my mom's back pain wasn't a herniated disc but actual stage IV lung cancer. I thought I was going to die, I really did. I knew a diagnosis like that is often lethal, but I never imagined it would be so soon and that there would be nothing to do, except provide palliative care.

 

My mom was the most active and energetic person I've ever known, and a really open-minded and kind person, who was younger than me in spirit and who never complained about anything.

 

I saw her die, I saw her suffer a lot the last few weeks of her life, and I'm grateful that the suffering didn't last for years on end. However, I wish I could have done something to keep her here with me, healthy and full of life, as she'd always been, for a few more years.

 

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I hear you and completely understand what you are going through. My dad is 70 this year, and has a pacemaker, so if he lasts another 10 or 15 years, that will be a miracle. He's got a history of heart problems, strokes and even Alzheimer's in his family, so I know that he can go at any time too.

 

Not having one's parents and their unconditional and unlimited love is the hardest thing for a human being without kids. I don't know if you have some, or if you are married, I'm married but have no kids, and thus, my parents and husband have been my life, and now that my mom is no longer in this world, I'm completely lost and feel like an amputee, as if a vital organ had been ripped off me.

 

Warm regards, and if you ever need to talk, I'm here.

 

Trish