Lost fiancé to horrific accident 3 weeks ago

[Skysie]

I can't go on. I don't want to go on. I lost my fiancé to a indescribable truck accident 3 weeks ago. The image haunts me. I wish I went with him. I'm now living my own personal hell here on earth. We were to be married in march next year. Now Iam planning a funereal. We were starting our lives together. Planned for kids and buying a house. Now I'll never be married or have kids. I'm 30. I 'felt' him hanging around for the first 4 days. Now nothing. He has crossed. He left me completely. I love him and I want to go be with him...

[andysgirl]

I know where you have been & how you are feeling. I lost my boyfriend, soon to be fiancé, January of last year - I'm now just 35 and coming to terms with not only losing him but losing our future, my future is beyond words. It's devastating. I'm so terribly sorry for your loss.

It's only been 3 weeks, you are in shock and the shock will take time to come out of, 15 months later I'm still in shock that this is my "new normal". Please just try to be good to yourself, get as much rest as you can & lean on those who are around to support you. I know that doesn't sound encouraging & I'm sorry but honestly all you can do right now is take it one minute at a time. Cry, yell, laugh if something makes you laugh, scream, break plates, just do whatever feels right & go with whatever emotion comes to you moment to moment. And please don't fear that he's not with you, I assure you he is. I fear that every day but then I remember that her never leave me to go through this alone. Talk to him, write to him. He's listening. Hugs to you. Please be good to yourself. I'm here if you want to talk.

[Skysie]

Thanks for your advice.. I would very much like to talk to you...

[NEVERTHESAME415]

I am in hell with you. Three weeks ago I found my fiancée hanging from my closet  and I will never forget that image either.

Surviving the ship wreck of the first week is easy compared to the moments when you push yourself towards the shore and freedom from the

pain. Then suddenly you get pulled down by the grief or the ghost of your loved one reaching out to you. And down you go into the abyss.

Somehow a light reaches in and pulls you out.

I have found friends and angels around me. I feel the presence of a higher benevolent force comforting me and saving me for another day.

I exercise, do yoga, pray, go back to church after many years. Help others and live in the NOW. A  book I found on this site "The Power of Now"

by Eckhart Tolle has helped greatly. Talking to everyone who will listen. Bumper sticker wisdom " If you love someone....Set them free" also a song

by Sting. Doing Soul work which includes gratitude, exercise, sleep and laughter everyday.  That has given me the power to go on. But I know there

is a force which will pull me down and I will lose it. Its normal but so is acute pain. Learn to surrender and let it go. There will be moments of peace and

calm. Just look for it.

This is all I can offer you for it is all I have. Sorry for your loss sister.

[Shattered14]

I completely understand how you feel. I lost the love of my life 11 weeks ago. He was taken suddenly and unexpectedly. We were to be married next month, and I am devastated. I miss everything about him. I replay every moment in my head and wish I could go back and change things. I call Michael my husband because we were already married in our hearts. I gave him his wedding ring when he was buried. I have no idea how to get through all of this and I cant even begin to think of how to get through what would have been our special day. Just like you my future is gone. I know he was my soul mate and the only one for me so I no longer have a future. I only exist, wish I didnt and I want for my time here to be over. I wish I had some great words of wisdom but I dont. I try to focus only on right now because thinking of spending the rest of my life without him is too much. I try to feel him but I cant. I need to believe that he is still with me in spirit but it is an overwhelming struggle. I feel for all of you because I know the depth of the pain. I too wish I could see only the good times but instead I see the bad, the end and all of the things I wish I could change like our last hug and kiss. If I could go back, I would have hugged him tighter, kissed him longer. These feelings haunt me daily. I hold on to the hope that he is here somewhere and we will be united again some day. I wish the same for each of you.

[Austykatie]

So sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my fiance 1 year and 3 months ago due to a tragic snowmobile accident. I am fairly "young" and have 3 children. 

The best thing I can say is this is a great group of people! You will get alot of support, I suggest going into the chat room if you need to talk to someone. I remember when the accident first happen I had this panic about me and could hardly even breathe. I thought I couldn't make it another day and didn't even know how to function. Well I am still here, sometimes taking baby steps and its been over a year. The pain will never go away but with time coping with life will get alittle easier. 

 

I try and get thru one day at a time and remember that things happen for a reason. We may not know what that reason is but there is one. 

 

Peace and hugs!

[Austykatie]

I am in hell with you. Three weeks ago I found my fiancée hanging from my closet  and I will never forget that image either.

Surviving the ship wreck of the first week is easy compared to the moments when you push yourself towards the shore and freedom from the

pain. Then suddenly you get pulled down by the grief or the ghost of your loved one reaching out to you. And down you go into the abyss.

Somehow a light reaches in and pulls you out.

I have found friends and angels around me. I feel the presence of a higher benevolent force comforting me and saving me for another day.

I exercise, do yoga, pray, go back to church after many years. Help others and live in the NOW. A  book I found on this site "The Power of Now"

by Eckhart Tolle has helped greatly. Talking to everyone who will listen. Bumper sticker wisdom " If you love someone....Set them free" also a song

by Sting. Doing Soul work which includes gratitude, exercise, sleep and laughter everyday.  That has given me the power to go on. But I know there

is a force which will pull me down and I will lose it. Its normal but so is acute pain. Learn to surrender and let it go. There will be moments of peace and

calm. Just look for it.

This is all I can offer you for it is all I have. Sorry for your loss sister.

So sorry to hear of your loss also. Sudden tragic death can just be so hard. This is a great place to come for support and comfort! Peace

[Austykatie]

I completely understand how you feel. I lost the love of my life 11 weeks ago. He was taken suddenly and unexpectedly. We were to be married next month, and I am devastated. I miss everything about him. I replay every moment in my head and wish I could go back and change things. I call Michael my husband because we were already married in our hearts. I gave him his wedding ring when he was buried. I have no idea how to get through all of this and I cant even begin to think of how to get through what would have been our special day. Just like you my future is gone. I know he was my soul mate and the only one for me so I no longer have a future. I only exist, wish I didnt and I want for my time here to be over. I wish I had some great words of wisdom but I dont. I try to focus only on right now because thinking of spending the rest of my life without him is too much. I try to feel him but I cant. I need to believe that he is still with me in spirit but it is an overwhelming struggle. I feel for all of you because I know the depth of the pain. I too wish I could see only the good times but instead I see the bad, the end and all of the things I wish I could change like our last hug and kiss. If I could go back, I would have hugged him tighter, kissed him longer. These feelings haunt me daily. I hold on to the hope that he is here somewhere and we will be united again some day. I wish the same for each of you.

I am sorry to hear of your loss also. Wow I haven't come to the site in about a month or so as I have had so much going on and It saddens me to see all the sudden losses here just in one post. My heart goes out to everyone but I can really relate with sudden and unexpected loss. 

 

I myself considered myself married to my fiance as we lived together and lived as though we already were married. 

 

Just take baby steps and keep faith that things will get a little easier. I know it probably doesnt seem like it now, but each day is a day you made it thru! 

 

Peace

[Frenchie's Doris]

I am sorry for your loss..

 

You have found a place where we have all felt the loss and can share our experiences and grief - everyone here has been through it.... some are fairly new to this sadness... like myself... and I know that there are some who still visit the site even after some years... and it seems to me that we will never be the old "us" and trying to find the "new" normal is a battle and a journey to take and everyone of us will find our own path.

 

I lost my partner 4 months ago.... heart attack at only 38.   I can't tell you how you may feel in a month or 2 or 3... each person's journey is different. ..... but from the time he passed away til about a week after we buried him... that time was the worst blur.... and then people faded away and i was left on my own... and the lack of that support really hit hard.   i still have good friends and family... but that immediate outpouring of shared grief from other people seemed to pass so quickly.... Even his sister said "oh I've had my life on hold for a month - time to get back to normality".  

 

and now after about 4 months .... the reality of acknowledging he is not hiding somewhere playing with me and he cannot come back to me.... that reality is sinking in and yes that sucks. 

 

I have read so many things and articles and found various websites offering words of help and wisdom.... for me, outpouring on this forum is something that helps... knowing that someone else who also is in pain may be able to empathise and understand ... something my other friends and family can't understand as they haven't really experienced a loss of a partner - some have experienced the sad loss of losing a parent or a friend - but not of a loss of a partner.

 

Please hold on.... I am just existing - but every day i try to be more positive - and put a smile on someone else's face - even if i don't feel like smiling myself.   Not always possible as somedays are down days and some are up days.  Do what you feel you can, when you can.

 

My partner was always so upbeat - every cloud had a silver lining - he'd say "what cloud".   So I try (not always succeeding) to be more positive and see something good in each day, and hope that somehow I am making him proud and he is with me supporting me in my new journey.

 

i wish you well.

 

 

[Victoria90]

Its been one week today and i feel stuck in a mental prison sleeping is hell eating is hell smiling feels quilty and i have so many feelings raging thru my body all at once until i truly cant feel at all and i forget think he still can be coming back and when i finally get out my head and remember it starts all over again idk whether I should go to counseling church a medium ive never read so much in my life trying to find peace nothing feels right and i know it never will i have to get out of this hell he was my brothers best friend for 15 years my best friend for most of that time when my brother went to jail he has been my roommate my security for a long time when we fell in love it was so perfect and now i hate every thing and anything i once enjoyed cant feel any thing and wish i could find any kind of any thing to just let it ease even just a little

[Just here]

Victoria I totally understand what you are going through. I lost my fiancé tomorrow will be 3 weeks and I still hope he will walk in the door then reality sinks in and I’m alone. He was my everything best friend, lover, and sole mate. I haven’t been to counciling yet or know if I can talk someone in that environment. I take sleeping pills only way my brain will shut off but it’s still crappy sleep. I feel like I’m in a nightmare and hope I would just wake up out of it! You are so right I feel like I waited my whole life to feel the kind of love, friendship, and happiness then it was all taken away with no warning. We all deal with grief different but if you need someone to talk too I’m here!

[bambina]

Just here, 

I'm so terribly sorry for your loss and I completely understand. I lost the love of my life on June 6 very suddenly and unexpectedly from an aortic aneurysm that burst. There were no warnings. Just one day he was here and the next he was gone. It's been a little over two months now, and while I'm crying a little less and feeling more accustomed to his absence, the pain is still very profound and I miss him all the time. He truly was the most amazing guy I'd ever known, and he loved me unconditionally. I too have a hard time sleeping and I am just going through the motions. What helps me is just going on this site as well as reading some books about grief, or downloading some of them. I went to church last week and it helped a little bit, but I think the only thing that will really help is time. Just time and keeping busy, and eventually maybe volunteering to reach out to others so that we can get outside of our heads for a little while. It is truly truly the most exhausting thing I've ever been through, and I have been through the loss of my father, my mother, my half-sister, a very dear friend, and countless pets. Losing Brian was the most devastating thing in the world, the person you thought you'd spend the rest of your life with. And people tell me to be brave and just remember the happy times, but they don't know the pain of losing a partner. I also go to a grief support group and see a therapist once a week, so that may be an option as well. I am here if you ever need to talk. My heart goes out to you and just know that you are not alone and there are others out there like myself who can totally empathize with you. My heart goes out to you on this horrific journey.

[Just here]

Thank you it’s mean a lot! Seems like you can relate very well. You make a very good point I put down my dog last year it was very hard I had her for 10 years but I had Ed there and if it wasn’t for him it would of been much harder. Lost my aunt when I was young from cancer she was my second mom but nothing compares to this. My partner and my future. We lived together in US and work took him to England I was suppose to move there Sept 1st and just visited him at the end of June. This was the last thing I expected for our future together. He was so amazing. Had the biggest heart ever, always made me smile, knew the right thing to say when I was having a bad day, provided for us, and we just enjoyed each other’s company so much. Didn’t matter if we had any money or nice things as long as we had each other. I’ve never felt the love that he gave me and honestly he made me a better person. And I do remember the happy times I watch videos every day of him but I’m more concerned about my future. I know I shouldn’t be thinking of that and go day by day which I do. But I don’t want a future without him in it. I think that’s the hardest things for me to grasp. Is not only did we lose the love of our life but my future is gone too! 

[Jamiei]

I'm so sorry for your loss..its tragic we all are going through this! I lost my boyfriend 6 months ago! We were on vacation with family and friends and were hiking and suddenly he just collapsed. He had a massive heart attack at 42 and was perfectly healthy! I'm also so very lost, I have completely isolated myself from everyone. I hate how everyone's life is going on as nothing as happened, it makes me want to scream. I can't take phone calls, I work and come home and don't leave the House! I was wondering if anyone has thought of some sort of retreat for us, just a weekend away in the mountains or beach to talk and share and someone try to heal! If anyone is interested we could plan something?? Just an idea for us all to be with people who are going through the same thing!

[KayC]

20 hours ago, Victoria90 said:

Its been one week today and i feel stuck in a mental prison sleeping is hell eating is hell smiling feels quilty and i have so many feelings raging thru my body all at once until i truly cant feel at all and i forget think he still can be coming back and when i finally get out my head and remember it starts all over again idk whether I should go to counseling church a medium ive never read so much in my life trying to find peace nothing feels right and i know it never will i have to get out of this hell he was my brothers best friend for 15 years my best friend for most of that time when my brother went to jail he has been my roommate my security for a long time when we fell in love it was so perfect and now i hate every thing and anything i once enjoyed cant feel any thing and wish i could find any kind of any thing to just let it ease even just a little

I'm so sorry, it is the hardest thing in the world to even start trying to figure out how to proceed.  I recommend a professional grief counselor that can help you navigate your way through this, it's very hard to do on your own.

One week is very fresh, we're in shock at first, then in grief fog, no clarity of mind, it's very hard to function.  It takes much time to process our grief.  Everything you are describing is normal in grief, we've all been through it, keep coming here.  You might want to start your own thread so we know where to look for you.