Members backyarder1 Posted April 25, 2014 Members Report Share Posted April 25, 2014 Some of you know I've been having a pretty hard time lately. And I think one of the reasons may have been that I kept hearing that I needed to "let Tom go" before I could move on, and I just wasn't ready to let him go. And I really doubt that I ever will be. Well, I was thinking about my grief this morning and decided that what I really need to let go of are the thoughts that the HAPPINESS that I had in my life before was dependent on Tom. And I need to let go of my FEAR of life without him. I wrote a pretty long blog post about it if anyone wants to read it: http://betsyfranz.blogspot.com/2014/04/overcoming-grief-means-letting-go-of.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members msmouse Posted April 25, 2014 Members Report Share Posted April 25, 2014 Betsy, What a beautifully written blog!! Thank You for sharing that with everyone. I can relate to a lot of what you say. I lost the love of my life suddenly almost 3 months ago and I have the same fears. And yes. fear can definitely stand in the way and hold you back , as it is with me. I am so sorry for you loss. Hugs to you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Dr. Pat Posted April 25, 2014 Members Report Share Posted April 25, 2014 Oh Betsey, and all you others - don't ever let anyone try to convince you that you will/can "let go" of person you love. You are right about changing your focus to letting go of the fear of living without Tom. As for happiness - yes, now you have to be in charge of that. A picky thought I had, that I wrote about in my book, Journeys Through Grief: With and Without God, was that happiness and joy are very different. Friends had asked me at one point why I could be so "happy" in the face of my loss. I looked up the word to find it meant "getting something you want". Well, I didn't get what I wanted at all - he didn't live. But I did have joy - a deep, quiet peace in my heart. I had to work at this. It meant acceptance of a plan that was not mine. But I did find a peace that surpasses understanding.Pat, Thriving Despite Grief Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Dr. Pat Posted April 25, 2014 Members Report Share Posted April 25, 2014 Oh Betsey, and all you others - don't ever let anyone try to convince you that you will/can "let go" of person you love. You are right about changing your focus to letting go of the fear of living without Tom. As for happiness - yes, now you have to be in charge of that. A picky thought I had, that I wrote about in my book, Journeys Through Grief: With and Without God, was that happiness and joy are very different. Friends had asked me at one point why I could be so "happy" in the face of my loss. I looked up the word to find it meant "getting something you want". Well, I didn't get what I wanted at all - he didn't live. But I did have joy - a deep, quiet peace in my heart. I had to work at this. It meant acceptance of a plan that was not mine. But I did find a peace that surpasses understanding.Pat, Thriving Despite Grief Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Shattered14 Posted April 25, 2014 Members Report Share Posted April 25, 2014 What a beautiful blog. So many of the things you said make sense. I too lost the love of my life 2 months ago. I have never loved anyone the way I loved him, and I was so amazed that he loved me back. He gave me true unconditional love, and I was truly at the absolute happiest point in my life. I waited my whole life to find that love (I was 47) and we only had 2 1/2 years together but it was a love that completely changed me. My problem is that the woman I was before he died is gone. I feel I died right along with him. At least the best parts of me. Now I am in a living hell. I can't understand why this had to be this way. I question God and life every day. I found your words meaningful so thank you for taking the time to write them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members HeyJude Posted April 26, 2014 Members Report Share Posted April 26, 2014 You are not alone Shattered. I also feel like I died the night my husband died. I don't know who I am anymore without him. To me, living in this grief is truly hell on earth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Frenchie's Doris Posted May 3, 2014 Members Report Share Posted May 3, 2014 I loved that blog. It rocked me. it really resonated with me. Seeing your blog about the fear... it really hit home with me. The fear of living without your Tom.... and yes I feel this deep fear... Fear of being a new me without my Chris by my side. I am not ready yet and I don't know when that will come. I love the posts you put on here supporting everyone. You are amazing. I'm living a day at a time.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members obakesan Posted May 5, 2014 Members Report Share Posted May 5, 2014 Backyarder, great post and interesting also that today I was thinking something similar. Best wshes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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