Members cameronsmom1 Posted September 23, 2008 Members Report Share Posted September 23, 2008 I found out i was pregnant 6 months into my relationship with my husband. We weren't married at the time but had talked about it. I already had a 3 year old son, Cameron, who is 4 now from a past relationship. We really weren't planning on having any kids so it was just a surprise and I was so nervous about telling him thinking he would feel like I trapped him since we weren't together very long. When I told him about it he was so excited that he was gonna be a dad which shocked me but made me feel so much better. So we started making plans to move in together and get everything prepared for having a new baby. We found out I was having another boy which made my husband happy because he did not want a girl at all! We decide on naming him Brayden Jeremiah. The pregnancy was going great. I had no morning sickness, which I didn't with my first either, I wasn't gaining a whole lot of weight like I did with my first just the normal weight gain, and all the tests and ultrasounds looked great. I started having moments when my heart rate would go up and I could feel palpitations. I wasn't too worried because I had that with my first too and had to wear a heart monitor but never had any other problems with it. They said I just have an irregular heartbeat and my heart rate stays pretty high. So they put me on a monitor and still found nothing to worry about. At 35 weeks I stopped working because I was getting so big and miserable I couldn't take it anymore. That week my ankles started swelling which they did with my first son too so I didn't make a big deal out of it until I noticed they weren't going down even when I had them propped up all night. So I went to the doctor on that friday, now 36 weeks, and he said my blood pressure was great and was a little worried about the swelling since it was all the way up to my knees so he sent me to the hospital to get lab work and do a 24 hour urinalysis. So I got up saturday morning and took a shower getting ready to take my tests back to the hospital and go grocery shopping. I kept feeling like I needed to go to the bathroom, lots of pressure, I thought it was just a real bad gas pain. So as we were there I decided to go ahead and get checked since I hadn't been checked yet to see if I was dilating.Come to find out I was fully thinned out, dilated to a 3, and having contractions every 2 minutes. No grocery shopping today! The heart rate was showing to be around 135. They tried to give me the shot to stop it since I was only 36 weeks but it didn't work. So I made the call to everyone and they were on their way!! We were so excited it's finally time. We couldn't stop smiling. Then the doctor came in and broke my water. The fluid was kind of a tea color which worried him. The nurse came back in and was having trouble finding the heart rate. No longer smiling. They tried the other monitor on his head and still nothing. They brought in an ultrasound machine and thats when I saw, no movement, no flickering, nothing. He was gone. I felt like my heart stopped too. I then had to make another phone call to everyone and break the news.They brought in the ultrasound specialist and found that there was fluid around his heart which they estimated him being gone for at least a week. I was in shock, there was a heartbeat when I got here, how is that possible? Come to find out with my heart rate being so high they were picking up my heart rate through the water and it was high enough to be a normal baby heart rate and once they broke my water they couldn't pick it up anymore. I still had to go through the whole labor like normal and was so mad. How could they do this to me? How can they tell me my baby is dead and then make me deliver? I just wanted to go home. I didn't want him to come out because I didn't want to let him go. I asked for everything possible because I didn't want to feel a thing. Got demerol, didn't work just made me feel high, got the epidural, didn't work, could feel everything and by then it was too late. It was time to push and they allowed me to have whoever I wanted in there for support. My husband was right by my side the whole time. It seemed like I was pushing forever. He started crowning and it was burning so bad. I started thinking back when I delivered my first son, Cameron, the crowning was the moment i realized I was really having a baby come out of me because I felt his head start moving around trying to wiggle out. But this baby, Brayden, he couldn't help himself, it was all left up to me. Finally the head was out. Then the shoulders. But his abdomen was so swollen from being in those fluids for so long it was a struggle. I was pushing so hard, I wanted it to be over. The doctor was pulling and I could feel myself being pulled off the table. One of the nurses was on top of me pushing my stomach trying to get him out. It was so scary and so painful I was screaming but was too mad to cry. Finally he was out. Birth and death date, April 5, 2008. I felt so much relief but at the same time so empty. They cleaned him up and handed him to my mom. I couldn't hold him. I was too scared of what might happen. I knew I wouldn't ever be able to let go. I reached out and touched his face but that's all I could do. They layed him in one of the bassinets and allowed everyone to come see him. He looked just like Cameron. He was 9lbs, 7oz. Only 7oz lighter then my first. I had to stay the night at the hospital that night and went home that sunday.Monday morning we went up and planned the funeral. I have never done this and never thought I would ever do it for one of my kids. The funeral was beautiful and he looked so peaceful. This definitely was the hardest thing i've ever been through. Coming home to an empty nursery is not at all what I had planned. I would have never dreamed of this happening to me but I have learned so much from it. I have learned not to take anything for granted because it could be gone tomorrow. Thank you for reading my story, sorry its so long. Amanda (Mother of an Angel Baby)http://www.myspace.com/dedicatedtoourangelbabies Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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