Lost my Dad 3/23/14

[katz56]

My dad passed away on Sunday, March 23rd.  I had put him on hospice the end of December, but we were alone when he passed.  He had Alzheimers.   I did everything I knew to do, I was trying to work 8 hrs and have someone stay with him and then take over when I come home and I was with him on weekends.   I told him over and over how much I loved him, I had "the talk" with him about me being okay if it was his time, but then I walked out of his room that Sunday afternoon for like 3 minutes and heard something on the monitor went to check and I knew he was gone.  I wasn't there with him, I don't know why he waited until Ileft, I know it happens like that sometimes, but maybe he didn't want me there.  He was on low dose of Morphine and mostly sleeping, but I had been with him almost constantly.  My dad had a good life, he even told me  coming home from a trip he was "very happy" with his life, a gift from God to me I think.  But I thought I was doing okay, I was finally sleeping some with meds. and crying a little, but the last two days I can't quit crying and I'm very nervous and I feel so lost and alone.  I mean I all alone.  I'm not married, no children, no siblings, no family here...I am alone.  I'm scared, I'm numb, my mind can't process simple things, I am literally shaking all over,  I find myself either just zoning out on TV or the internet, anything to not have to think.  I have to go back to work Monday and I can't even think of that, IDK maybe it will be better.  I still come home to an emply house.  There's so much here that has to be done, financially and physically I don't know if I can do it.  I will figure that out for right now my heart just hearts so much.  I miss him, he was all I had, he was such a wonderful man and father.  I truly don't know what to do,  My mother died 8 yrs ago and that was awful, but I had him, now there's noone but me.  How do you get thru this pain.

[mwruby1]

Hello,

My condolences to you. You remind me so much of me, when you started to express to your father how much you love him....I did the exact same thing to my mother, who passed away on 3/20/14. I know the feeling, when you can't sleep because you feel so empty...sad. I always wake up crying. Just before reading your post I was thinking about my mother, feeling extremely hurt in the fact she's no longer here. I lost my dad 3 years ago to cancer, so I too have neither parent. I am all alone as well.... staying busy as possible seems to help you not think about it, but I do find it difficult when I come home. I just feel so sad inside. I am writing you back because you aren't alone. I don't know you, but I am here if you ever need to talk.