How can he be gone?

[LaurenClaire91]

I lost my wonderful father yesterday and I can't even begin to describe how broken I feel.

 

He raised me and my brother on his own and did everything to make our lives better. He wasn't a perfect man but he was all I had. I can't even think that he can be dead and I can't help but wonder how a man so full of love and of life is gone. How is it possible?

 

I'm nearly 23 and my older brother is 27 but is autistic. My partner who I live with is completely lost too - it was so unexpected.

 

I need some help as we're lost.

 

LaurenClaire

[mbal41]

I can relate, as I lost my father completely out of the blue on Sr. Patrick's Day. I'm still in shock and the whole thing seems like a horrible nightmare. I can tell you that you'll have some horrible times and some sad times, but you'll get through it. You can post here whenever you're upset and someone will be there to support you. It's a comfort to communicate with people who understand how you feel.most days I'm functioning, but other days are horrible and I can't stop crying. We all just have to hang in there.

[cindyjane]

Hi

 

I am sorry for both of your losses.  The loss of a parent is so hard and it is always too soon.  My mom passed on 6 months ago and it really does get better after the initial shock and deep sadness hits.  For me, the sadness slowly started turning into feelings of gratefulness to have such a wonderful mom.  I say go with your feelings ... cry, let the tears flow ... holler if you feel angry ... feelings are not meant to be held in.  You will always miss your dad but a day will come when you too will be able to miss him yet not feel so lost.  Take care.

Cindy

[LaurenClaire91]

Thank you both for your support, he was so much more than a father to me. He raised me and my brother alone and was such a lonely man because of it. The outpouring of support has been overwhelming and also suffocating somehow. I don't know how to cope with it all, my partner lived with me and my Dad for a year and as such he's dealing with grief just as much so it somehow feels wrong to go to him for help.

 

My Dad had been ill for some time but the nature of his illness (blood clots) meant that we didn't know when it would happen so we couldn't plan for it and we thought he had more time. We don't know where to start and it's crippling us all, he also didn't tell the rest of my family how bad it was so we're having to deal with a lot of blame and upset directed at us. I just can't deal with it.

 

I miss my Dad and knowing I'll never talk to him again, hear him laugh or hug him is just beyond comprehension. I wake up and feel devastated and have to make myself numb to cope with the details. I just wish I could run away from the responsibility or just scream that I'm not ready for it all.