Loss of my dad

[awholenewlife]

I am 22 and trying to cope with the loss of my dad. He died 2/16/14 and its still not even real to me. Hes been sick for about 7 years on and off. He had an aneurysm and the surgery from that changed his life forever. Things never really got better. Eventually he formed a fistula[ which means an organ had a whole in it and was leaking blood into places it shouldnt ] which made him lose lots of blood all the time. His doctor told him his heart wasnt strong enough for another surgery so there wasnt anything else they could do and he was just waiting to die. He was 56 and he spent his last year of his life thinking he was going to die, his quality of life was terrible. Eventually we found a research hospital that would perform a special surgery for him. It was going to be long and hard but they thought it would work out. He has surgery on the 10th of February and on the 16th he passed away. It was a long struggle that week and my brother and I never left his side. The things we saw happen, i have nightmares about. At 22 I had to make a deciskon on what to do with my dads life, i had to plan a funeral, and deal with everything else. I cant sleep at night now. I try to go to sleep and have nightmares or things that happen play over and over in my mind. I usually lay in bed all night and then sleep when the sun comes up. I quit my job, lost some friends but my life is different now. Im emotionally changed forever i feel like. Its really hard for other people who havent lost their parents to understand, so thats why im here. 

[cindyjane]

I am so sorry for your loss.  You are so young to have to go through this but it sounds like you have great strength and courage to have been there during all of this and arrange his funeral and other things.  It sounds like your dad went through an awful lot in these past several years.  He also sounds like a strong person ... you probably got that from him.  Losing a parent is tough and takes awhile to settle in with us but things do get better with time.  If you are not sleeping I would suggest to see a doctor.  Maybe you just need to be on something until you can catch up on your sleep.  Lack of sleep always magnifies whatever we are feeling.  Take care.   Cindy