40 weeks pregnant, homeless, and Mom just died

[LecNSed]

Hey there. On Friday march 28th I choose to take my mom off the respirator. She was in septic shock and 3 of her systems had failed. She was so swollen n bleeding freely , platelets were down to 6,000 (norm is at least 125,000)!!! Only taking 3 breaths per min on her own at this point as well heart doing 5 bpm.

My husband and I watched her take those last few breaths. They were very strained. she turned her head and looked at my hubby n I as her eyes bulged out for about 5 seconds... and she was gone. Blood poured from her mouth..and she twitched for the next 30 seconds.everytime I close my eyes. .. I see her gasping n that blood . Haven't been able to sleep at all or even eat.. if I drift off I wake up jumping or startled. Every loud sound, I nearly jump out my skin!

On top of it all I'm 40 weeks pregnant. She's due this Friday and we are homeless. We struggling to stay in a hotel.

I don't think I will ever get over the trauma of watching her pass. I've cried less today n yesterday but it's been so hard emotionally

I just can't believe she's just a picture now...

I miss her every second. No more laughs, sharing crossword, puzzles, arguments. Devastated she wont see my new baby due any day now or watch the other 2 grow up... she was only 56. I mean f! I have a special needs brother I'm now going through a custody battle with wit a random step n family member who just want his check. And my dad is incarcerated so he never got to say goodbye.

How am I supposed to be a happy n good mom goin through all this?!? I feel like I'm loosing my freaking mind. No one else I know has lost they mom either so NO-ONE around me truly understands what I'm going through.

I know it will get easier with time. I just hope my sanity can hold up

[MissuDad]

Hi LecNSed,

 

I´m really sorry for the loss of your mother and all you have to go through on top of that.

 

Those feelings and sensations you´re having are normal, adding that to being pregnant, you naturally have to feel more out of control. As hard as it might seem, you need to take care of yourself and your baby, I know sleeping can be the worst part (I still have that), but you should try to eat and get some rest.

 

For what is worth as time goes by the feeling won´t be so overwhelming, you´ll still have those awfull moments but for shorter periods.

 

Talking to other you went through the same thing, helps. Keep posting and allow yourself to feel those feelings.

 

A big hug and congratulations on your baby