Loss of my sister, brother-in-law and my father

[ag0712]

I lost my sister and brother-in-law 2 years back. They got married on 10th feb, 2012 and passed away on 8th march of the same year.They just spent 28 days of thr married life and left us. Its so difficult to come out the pain. My sister was 2 years elder to me and she was like my 2nd mom. nurtured, cared, took care of me like a mother. protected me from all the bad things always, stayed with me like my own shadow. I miss her so much, Life has become unlivable without her around. My parents were equally devastated by her loss. But as time passed by we someone gathered ourselves and started moving forward in life. It was in december last year tht my cousin was getting married. After almost 2 years i saw my parents a lil happier than before. But i dint know life had something else in store. On 19th of december i lost my father in an accident, I felt like the my whole world shattered, now there's only me and mom left with so much of pain left behind.

I have given up on life. i feel like a lifeless tool without much feeling, I feel so numb and feelingless, Really dont see any purpose towards life. I have been robbed with evrything i had, with everything tht mattered to me, with everything tht i loved the most.i dont know how wl i cope up with this, i feel so suffocated from inside, sometimes i feel like crying my heart out bt those tears doesnt come out, I feel there's no air to breathe. I dont know how to heal myself, All these are too much to bear, i used to be a very fun filled girl. enjoyed my life to the fullest. but now i feel so dull, i feel m losing it, i dont know for how much time more will i be able to hold myself. I dont feel like living anymore, I dont see any purpose towards life. i have lost all my self confidence,

 

Astha Gupta 

[Heartlight]

Dear child, it is a terrible thing to lose someone and it rips us even more when we lose more than one person we love so close together in time.  I have had days of feeling exactly where you are, not knowing how this life can be worth living when we have to feel such intense pain.

 

I don't have any answers for you because each person has to find that for themselves but at the very least I do know that I know with 1000% certainty that your mother is grateful that you are here with her, even if she is in so much pain that she can't express it either.

 

I know it seems like it's been a long time but two years isn't and neither is the very few months since your father has passed.  You have lived all your life with these people in it and now you are just a baby in this brand new world where they are not physically here with you.  It is the most difficult thing we all ever have to cope with.

 

And cope is the wrong word because the only tool that has ever helped me is 'allowing'... allowing yourself to feel the pain of their loss and recognizing that it is the expression of your love for them... allowing yourself to be scared and hopeless but to not judge those feelings and instead be soft and caring towards yourself... you know they would want that for you, right?

 

When I was (and am) in my deepest despair, which crops up every now and again just like it was in the beginning, I find myself having conversations with them in my heart, I allow myself to feel their love for me and what I know they would have wanted for me.  They would have wanted me to be gentle with myself.  They would want me to just hold on and have patience with myself.  They would tell me that one day, I will be able to understand beauty again and that I mustn't push myself too hard right now.

 

And dear one, it always helps if you can express how you feel to someone.  I'm happy that you found this forum even to express it a little.  I found that a few counselling sessions also helped me when I was at my most desperate.  Maybe you can find something like that for yourself, too?

 

Hold onto their hands in your heart and just hold tight during this time.  The coping comes through your mourning by expressing your love, being gentle with yourself and not at all judgemental of how you feel in each and any moment in relation to either loss.

 

Sending with great empathetic love.