Lost, anxious, heartbroken.

[merrylea]

Hi all-

A little two weeks ago, I lost my husband of 1 1/2 years to a car accident. He was on his way home early from work as I was home sick. He was stopped on to make a left hand turn just a few miles from our house, was rear-ended and pushed into an oncoming car. I relive that night that the Sheriff and coroner came to the house nearly every second.

We both waited till a bit later in life to get married. I was 32 and he was 41 when we wed in 2012. We both waited until we found our soul mates. Things were not perfect, as we were both human. But we were so very very happy!!!

We just bought a big new house in October. Got a new puppy to add to our dog and two cats, and were trying to make a baby. Richard was so brilliant, he was in the middle of a ton of internet projects, new websites and the like, remodeling his man cave, and we were about to redo the bathroom.

This was all taken from me in a matter of seconds. Here I sit, in a big house I'm unsure how I'm going to make the payments on, with no husband, no family no nothing. Everything is just so unfinished.

[HeyJude]

I am so very sorry MerryLea.  I think the absolute worst thing in the world is how nothing is ever really under your control, know what I mean?  In an instant our lives can be changes, leaving us sitting there dumbfounded.  You have come to the right place though, you will be sure the get a lot of support here.  I know I have.  I just hate it that so many people have to deal with this.  It doesn't seem right. 

[MissingDaniel]

Merrylea, I am so sorry!  I totally understand what you mean about reliving the night the Sheriff came to your door.  That moment stays with you.  For me, my husband was out of town and staying with his mother, and she felt like it would be best to have my parents come and tell me rather than call me in the middle of the night and tell me by phone.  So I have the memory of my parents knocking on my door at 2:00 a.m. and telling me he was gone.  It's like a moment frozen in time.

 

My thoughts are with you.  Those first few weeks and months are so difficult, and I know that you still can't believe how much your life changed so quickly.  We are here for you to help you get through!  I am just about to reach a year, and I can't believe he's been gone that long.  But I can honestly say that I've come a long way.  Still miss him every day, though.  That will never change.  Hugs to you!

[sogovia]

I am sorry for you loss Merrylea

 

Lily

[erip]

Hello Merrylea.-

My heart goes out to you, im so so sorry for your loss. I feel I can relate to you because in february I lost my boyfriend and it was unexpected, he had a brain aneurysm out of the blue and he died the next day. 

Like you said we were so happy together and I felt the luckiest girl in the world, we had so many plans for this and next year, talking about getting married, having babies, live abroad and in a minute the life i knew was no longer there.

I feel miserable and so very sad, I just miss him so much...when you talk about how you waited to marry because both of you were waiting for the perfect person I know what you are talking about.
 

Lately I've been saying that I grief for Francisco and I am also grieving the loss of our future together and I think thats the feeling you get too. 

My dad died 3 years ago and i was so very sad (til this day i miss him so much) and my mom was so sad she lost her husband but had me, her daughter, a reason to live...I feel now that this happend to me I have nothing to look forward too, but please Merrylea hang in there, grief, cry, talk about it. I've been reading books to validate my process and I don't know if it helps or not but makes me feel I am not crazy or alone in this awful process, I found very interesting books on amazon even on the subject of young widows.

Take YOUR time, dont let anyone tell you how to grief because truth is there is no map nor magic wound that can help during this time.

If you ever want to talk Im here.

Hugs to you.

[msmouse]

Merrylea, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my boyfriend suddenly in Feb,  It is hard but hang in there, I am here for you if you ever want to talk. Hang in there.

[merrylea]

Thank you all. I feel so disconnected from everyone, but you all understand. To be honest, I think I'm in survival mode right now... Just taking minute by minute. I need to go back to work, and am not looking forward to it. I start grief counseling on Tuesday, which I'm looking forward to and dreading at the same time. Looking forward to your support and to be supportive.