Losing a best friend, mentor, and father all in one.

[jerseyITguy]

Hello my names Mike and I'm 21 years old from New Jersey. Been pretty much trying to cope with this myself for a year and I feel myself digging deeper and deeper into a ditch. One year and ten days ago I lost the person who meant the most to me in the whole world, my father. He got diagnosed with stage four cancer and three months after he was diagnosed he was gone. He turned 50 March 5th and died two weeks later on March 13th. My dad was someone that anyone could get along with. No matter what age, race, fat, skinny, tall, short, he was cool with everyone. Where ever we would go whether it was the gym, the store, to the beach, he always knew someone because he made friends with everyone. He dedicated his life to helping people as a police officer since he was 19. My dad was the toughest guy to me like superman. I never thought anything like this could happen to him. He was literally my best friend and that might sound cliche but its true. For my 18th birthday you know what I did? Went down the shore with my DAD.. not with my friends, my dad. We hung out almost every single day. All the advice I needed I got from him. If I needed support he was there, if I needed a friend he was there, if I needed to drink and beer and laugh all day he was there. Ever since I was little I was close to my dad. He didn't deserve dying so young from such a deadly disease so drastically. All of my "friends" haven't been there for me at all. The last time I've hung out with my "friends" was in August. They never call me, text me, nothing. No ones been there for me and I've been so alone. I just don't know what to do anymore so I'm hoping some people can help me. I posted a picture of my my dad and I. This was the last picture we took together.

[Trish91]

Hi JerseyITguy,

 

I am really sorry for your loss. You are not alone in this, we are all here for you. You're still really young and have a full life ahead of you, so seek professional support from a counselor or therapist and try to help yourself. Do you have any siblings or other family you can talk to? I know friends can really disappoint you, but perhaps they are all scared and don't know how to react or how to approach you, or else, they are simply not your friends. However, there are great support groups, like this one, which is a virtual one, but still pretty helpful, as we are all in the same boat and nobody will judge you, you will be able to vent here whenever you feel like it.

 

I lost my mom to stage IV cancer that took her 2 1/2 weeks after her diagnosis, and she was my everything, my life, my soul mate, my best friend and reason to live, when we were together, we did not really need anybody else. That's how happy we were. Like you, we talked about anything and everything without fear, we could laugh and cry together easily, we trusted each other completely. I know what you are going through, not having my mom has left a massive void in my soul and life, and I really don't know how to live without her. However, I do so one day at the time, with her help, and God's, I believe. At the same time, I try to seek help, through this forum and outside, from my other loved ones, who I am lucky to have in my life.

 

All I am saying is that you should take care of yourself, and that you are not alone, we are here for you, there are some wonderful people in this forum, including Kirbiboh, a young guy, like you, in his 20s, and who lost his dad at the end of January, and had a very similar relationship with his dad.

 

I think you should reach out, and check his posts. He's written some amazing stuff since he joined, and helped many of us.

 

Anyhow, once again, we're here for you.

 

Take care, and warm regards,

 

Trish

 

P.S: Another guy, Miss U Dad, is also a great person to reach out. He lost his dad to cancer nearly a year ago. Reach out to him please, check out his posts, and you'll find support!!!!

[MissuDad]

Hi Mike,

 

First, let me say I´m really sorry for your loss I can´t even imagine how I´d be, if I had lost my dad 10 years ago, that was when I needed him the most...

 

Your dad seemed like a great man and for the way you wrote about him, I can´t tell he was indeed more than just your dad

 

You´re still so young and friends at that age tend to let you stay along the way when you can´t keep up... But I think we all feel that way about our friends who let us be alone and stop looking for us, it probably happened to us all here

 

Do you have family to turn to? Feeling alone is probably one of the most tough parts of grief, I really know how that feels, sometimes I feel completely abandoned....

 

Therapy is a good way of helping you to talk and sort through your feelings and emotions and coming here is also healing as you´ll be able to see you are not alone in the way you feel.

 

Keep posting and feel free to text me, if you need something.

 

A big hug

[ChelseaRaeMiller]

I'm one of the youngest on this site as well. I'm also 21 but I was 18 when I lost my dad to liver cancer. Stage 4...took him in two months.

I'm very sorry for your loss mike.

Missudad does have some amazing things to say. A lot of his posts touch me very deeply.

[jerseyITguy]

I thank everyone for their replies. I honestly didn't think I'd get so many wonderful and careful replies but I'm happy I did. It's sad to here all of you lost your parents to cancer that took them quickly as well.

 

 

As far as family, eh. I guess I have my mom, I guess I have my aunts, I guess I have my uncles. When I say I guess I mean.. Are they there for me? No... but I guess if I talked to them they would be. My families pretty crappy. More of the "yeah so happy to see you" around the holidays. The rest of the year? I won't even hear from them.

[WestCoastGirl]

Im SO sorry to hear about your dad, I lost my dad in Decemeber and he was my best friend, we did so much together and I find it so hard to move on. We found out he had cancer and one month later he died, it was so hard, so fast for us. Now the numbness is wearing off and reality is hitting me, its a bad pain. I know your dad would want you to move on best you can.