23 years old, have 2 family members left

[darkpira]

Hello everyone,

I'm not quite sure what to expect out of this forum, but I can only hope that it can lift some of the emotional numbness I have been experiencing by taking part in helping other people cope with their experiences of grief.

 

I'm almost 23 years old, and I've lost my mother, all of my grandparents, and my great aunt. My mother had liver and colon cancer, my grandmother had leukemia, my grandpa died of a heart attack, my great aunt had Alzheimer's, and my other grandparents on my Dad's side died of old age. I first lost my mother in 2008, by far the most defining moment of my life. My grandmother in 2012 marked the end of emotional feeling for me. I can no longer feel anything. My mother and grandmother were as close to me as best friends were, to put things into context. I was 17 when my mother passed.

Currently, I have 2 family members left: my brother and my father. Both are very supportive but they have very intense problems that need to be dealt with. My father is 63 and my brother is 17. None of them take my issues seriously, and my boyfriend, when talking about grief tells me I need to simply get over it when I finally have the courage to cry.

Does anyone have the same feelings of numbness and disbelief regarding a loss?
I really need some help here.

[Trish91]

Dear Darkpira,

 

There are some wonderful people in this forum. It has personally help me a lot, not to feel judged and so alone in my grief.

 

It is normal for you to feel a certain emptiness in your life after your mom and grandma, your best friends, passed away, and in such terrible circumstances.

 

Perhaps you need to see a therapist or seek professional support to be able to deal with all those emotions that you have bottled up over all these years? Do you have any spiritual beliefs and are passionate about anything, like arts? All those things are healing. I so wish that I was an artistic person, or that I had a true passion, for that would be very healing, I am sure.

 

Do you have really close friends? Have you ever discussed group therapy with both your dad and brother?

 

You are very young and had to go through so much at such a young age, but as I said before, you are admirable, for you went on with your life in spite of the devastating effects of your losses, which, by the way, I am truly sorry for.

 

My mom died of lung cancer three months ago, which metastasized to her bones and liver, and took her in a very short time. It was devastating and truly heartbreaking to see her lose her zest for life and independence, after always seeing her like almost invincible. I loved her, do love her and will always love her till I die, and I will always live with the memories of those last days, and her absence in every aspect of my life, at least in the physical form, for I believe that we will meet again when I pass.

 

In any case, the mind gets used to withholding its feelings to protect itself, for the pain is such that it is almost unbearable and debilitating, and that is why you feel numb. You had to survive, and in order to do so, your emotions had to be protected with a sort of armor. But your feelings are still there, and you need to let them flow, regardless of what anybody, including your boyfriend, might think.

 

I have a father, a brother, a husband, four really good friends, and lots of aunties, uncles and cousins, and none of my peers has lost their parents as yet, though they will, of course, sometime, so I feel terribly lonely, but this forum has truly help to vent and not feel so lonely and miserable in my grief, and not have to cry and burden those around me all the time.

 

It's hard for me to cry in front of others, but if I feel sad and need to cry, I do so, as it really reliefs some of the pressure and anxiety.

 

Anyhow, I am here for you if you wish to talk.

 

Warm regards, and thinking of you,

 

Trish