First time I'm asking for help

[Tangerines]

My husband died one year ago tomorrow. I can't get over the anger I feel. 

Why did he do this? Why did he leave me alone to raise our daughter?

How could he do this knowing he'd never see her again? I'm alone, and

the depression is going to kill me as well. 

[frankly]

Hugs Tangerines...... I'm so sorry for your loss.  I don't know any words that would help comfort you.  Just wanted you to know that we all understand.  Sometimes it helps me to just post about it all.  Or I get on the forum here just to talk.

 

There are days that the only thing I can concentrate on is just today, not the future or the past.  Just right now.  That has helped me survive this.

[Tangerines]

Thank you for caring enough to respond, and your kind words. I'm so alone

with my thoughts, as my family thinks I should just get over it already.

 

I'm very sorry for your loss and pain @ Frankly, and I will try to take your advice.

[HeyJude]

I can't even imagine what you are having to deal with Tangerines.  My husband died of natural causes and that is hard enough.  Plus I have no small children to raise.  I guess in the death scenario I am kind of lucky.  I was with my husband for 34 years.  We had a wonderful life together.  It just breaks my heart all you young kids who are having to deal with this at such a young age.  We are here for you, whenever you feel like talking someone will always respond. 

[Tangerines]

Thank you HeyJude, so much. I appreciate that you support others, even tho you're

going through such pain yourself. Bless and many thanks

 

. I feel like a loser because I just can't get over it.

I've isolated myself, because I feel everyone blames me for his death. 

[Sammijo2424]

My husband has been gone a little over 13 months, I still grieve, mourn, cry, some days stay in bed with shades drawn and won't even talk to anyone. I think it is absolutely crazy that people think we should mourn a year and then get over it. Even my own children tell me when I am having a bad day...Mom, it has been over a year now, you need to get with it.

So sorry for your loss. This is the right place to be, even though I might go months between posting, I still read on it almost daily. Here, there are so many just like me and they really do understand what I am going thru. I hate it when other people who have never lost a spouse say they understand, they do not, they cannot. Give yourself all the time you need, there is no timeline.

I do have to say I have many more good days than bad now, but like last night I was sick, running fever, and had nightmares of my husband.

[Tangerines]

@SammyJo2424. Thanks so much for understanding, and taking the time to help.

 

Seems my daughter is taking it better than me. She never cries, or talks about him. Ever.

I don't bring him up, I don't know if that's wrong on my part. Maybe we're both in denial.

 

Again thank you, and I hope you, and your children find peace.

[MissingDaniel]

Tangerines, I'm curious how old your daughter is.  I will tell you that I have daughters 8 and 12.  My youngest was 7 when we lost her daddy.  The only time she cries about it is when I do.  My older daughter has more moments.  For example, we got a picture of him blown up onto a canvas, and the day it came in the mail and we opened it, she picked it up and took it into her room and just cried.  And after a few minutes, she put it back and didn't say anything else.  I think with younger children it is more natural for them to not deal with it all the time, and to just move on with their lives.

 

I am so sorry for what you are going through.  It has been almost a year for me, too.  My husband's death was an accidental overdose, but I have had to deal with the question, especially from my older daughter, of why he would do something that could take him away from her.  I can imagine it has been very difficult for you in many ways.  I would try not to worry about people saying you should be over it.  I think people who haven't been through it look at it that way. Like there is some prescribed time period and then you are magically better.  You will adjust in your own time.  Hope you can find some of the help and support you need here.  We are here for you!

[Tangerines]

@MissingDaniel my daughter will be 12 in June.

 

It worries me because she's just like her father. Quiet, and reserved.

I'm so sorry that your kids lost their daddy. 

 

Must be so much harder on you, having more than one child.

 

Thanks so much for caring to reply.

 

[MissingDaniel]

She's almost the same age as my older daughter then.  I do think that they all cope differently, and it is very much about their personality.  For the first 7 or 8 months, I couldn't even bring up daddy in conversation with them without crying, so I didn't.  I've gotten to where I can handle it better, so I mention him more often now and I think it's good for them.  If they want to comment, I let them.  But you can't force it.  I think I would just let your daughter know that you are open to talk to her about her father whenever she wants to, and let her talk when she is ready.  She may think about it more often than you think.  But generally, kids handle these things better.  I'm sure you are doing fine and doing the best you can.

 

As for being harder with 2 kids, it would have been hard no matter what.  I have no doubt that you are struggling with your one daughter just as much, and are just as devastated at having to raise her alone.  On the bright side, my daughters had each other to lean on when I wasn't really available to them in the early days after the loss.  I know for at least the first month or two, I was lost in my own grief and wasn't much good to them.

[Kurtybearhugs]

Tangerines, We're practically neighbors! I live in Rockford. I am so sorry for what you are going through, and the resulting situation you find yourself in.

There is nothing at all wrong with your response to your grief. Your family doesn't get it... It IS different when you lose your partner. It is so much worse than other losses, and people just don't understand, but they seem to think they have the right to tell us how to live our lives. My mom is the only family I talk to anymore, except a couple of cousins who are really cool. I'm here to tell you that you have the right to grieve any way to please, and as long as you need to. It has been four years for me, and I remember very well what I was like at one year. Just about where you are now. I have come a long way since then, but I haven't forgotten. The best thing I did for myself was to go to a (several, actually) grief support group. Talking it out is the best way to heal. As many times as it takes. Having people who understand, really listen to you is an experience like no other. I hope you can find the strength within yourself to try it. You can do this..... We're here for you!! We can private message, if you like.. Big Kurty Bear Hugs To You !!!

[Tangerines]

Thank you @KurtyBearhugs, and MissingDaniel. so much.

 

I just can't get past the anger stage, or whatever it is.

I can understand where my family is coming from in a way.

He left us in a bad situation, and why if he loved us would he do that?

I just don't get it.