Members Tryingtohavehope Posted March 17, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 17, 2014 This morning I have this sudden urge to just give up! I know I cant cause my family would miss me but I would give anything to be with Keith again! I hate this feeling that has crawled up inside me all of a sudden! I just knew shopping on Saturday would somehow bring more heartache the next day! I miss him soooooo much I dont know what to do anymore? I feel so lost, so heart broken, so angry, so sad, so alone....hoping it will all change for me soon! I want out of this funk but not sure if I care to be out of it! Its like all of a sudden my body has taken over and decided to become bipolar or something?! I DONT LIKE THIS HELL IM IN....and no one seems to care.....thanks for letting me rant! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Stacey1225 Posted March 17, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 17, 2014 Sadly I understand how you feel. I am in tears reading you post. I am in tears all the time. I would never take my life because I promised my husband I wouldn't and I wouldn't let him down. I too am lost angry sad alone and shocked. Why would he be taken from me? I can't understand it. I wanted to writei help you but all I can say is I understand and you are not alone in how you feel. Let it out, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Stacey1225 Posted March 17, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 17, 2014 Ps TryingtoHaveHope...I care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members frankly Posted March 17, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 17, 2014 I Care. Others do too. At my worst time, all I wanted to hear was that someone cared. Someone understood. Someone would comfort me somehow....... I needed something. I couldn't even figure out what it was that I was asking for from others. It wasn't that no one else in this world cared for me and what I was going through, because they did. What I needed and was so desperately searching for, was Jerry's comfort, his love, HIM caring like he always had. I was searching for the comfort of his arms. No one else's would do, no matter how much they tried to help ease my pain. Of course what I craved, wasn't possible, so it left me feeling so very alone in that pain. Even knowing that the people here knew it and understood it............ and cared, I still ached for the one thing and the one person that I was really crying out for....... Jerry. I wish I had the words to comfort you. I know I don't. My heart goes out to you. I care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tryingtohavehope Posted March 17, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted March 17, 2014 Thanks! Frankly...u are exactly right...I need Keith's arms, his words...his comfort! He was the only one who could calm me down! Ive been stressed out with work lately too & he always knew just what to say to keep my mind off of it and to keep me calm! Gosh I miss him! Thank you both for caring! I know people care, its just I dont feel it in the same way I felt his caring! Im trying to have faith that I will be okay! I keep thinking I have to be strong! His Aunt told me thats why he fell for me because Im a strong person so I know hed want me to be strong & I dont think he wouldve let God take him if he didnt think I could make it! So Im just going to be strong! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members HeyJude Posted March 17, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 17, 2014 You will get through this sweetie. If I can so can you! I always thought I would just lay down and die if my husband died first but I'm still here. Still kickin and trying to live my life. We will all get through this together. One thing that really helps me is I kind of pretend that he is still here and I just go about my day as if he were home. I'm lucky because nothing really changed for me other than losing income. Don't get me wrong, his presence is hugely missed but I know he would want me to go about my business as usual. I am really a very spiritual person. I believe he is with me always. I talked to a medium and he told her that he is with me all the time, joined at the hip is what he said. Maybe it would help you to speak with a medium. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tryingtohavehope Posted March 18, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted March 18, 2014 Yeah, Im not so sure I trust Mediums other then Theresa Caputo! But I will prob never get the chance to meet her let alone get a reading from her! See for me everything changed...I never lived with Keith...never actually spent the night with him but I text him all the time and called and used Skype! So for me I cant pretend he's still here because I cant just text or call him like I used too! I seem to go in spurts...ill have a decent/good day and then the next week is horrible it seems! My aunt just told me today maybe i need help and shes worried about me??? Shes on my dads side of the family and i havent even seen her since prob last year at an uncles funeral...really? u dont even know me!!! I just feel at times im bipolar cause im good one minute then the next someone says something and i start bawling!!! lol im hoping its just normal and i will be able to move FORWARD!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members HeyJude Posted March 18, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 18, 2014 Honey, your not bipolar. Your grieving. You have to find whatever it takes to get through this. For me it is pretending my husband is still here. I love Teresa Caputo too! I would love to have a reading from her. The medium I did use was just as good though. She told me things there was no way she could have known. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sammijo2424 Posted March 18, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 18, 2014 The mood swings are perfectly normal, especially in the early months. Has been 13 months for me and I can be fine one minute, laughing, and then someone says something my hubby would say, or I think of something about him, and I just start crying.Things will get easier, wont say better but we do learn to adapt, I told my counselor one day that it is amazing the the horrible things we can get use to, and his answer was...what other choice do you have. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MissingDaniel Posted March 18, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 18, 2014 Yes, I'm with Judy and SammiJo, the swings are absolutely normal. I was in the grocery store the other day just grabbing something for lunch, and a song came on the store speaker that we played at my husband's funeral, and I almost collapsed in the middle of the store. I started bawling and just had to hold it together long enought to get through the checkout. Just because of a silly song. You never know from one minute to the next how you are going to feel. And it's been almost a year for me. In the early months, it's even worse! But it does get better. You'll never stop missing him, but you learn to cope. Just know that, and do your best to get through. Hugs to you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sharon2476 Posted March 24, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 24, 2014 Hi ,I'm Sharon and new to this site. I just wanna say my heart goes out to all of you. I can really relate to giving up. It has been 7 yrs aince my husband passed.away. I have tried to live life without him but it hasnt been easy. Thirty yrs with someone that was my world just ended when he died. I only feel I do what I have to in life. My children are grown ans have their own lives. Seems my life was the only one affected in such a dramatic way. I keep going on, but I cant say its getting easier Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members HeyJude Posted March 24, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 24, 2014 Hi Sharon. I totally get what your saying. My husband and I were married 32 years, together for 33 1/2 years. I don't feel like I have a life anymore. I'm too tired to start a new life and right now I just don't want to. After being with the best, I don't think anyone else would ever measure up. And I am just too darn tired to have to go through multiple relationships to find "the one". My son and his family live in California, far far away from where I'm at. They don't understand that since Dad is gone I just don't have the money to fly out there to visit anymore. I just want my old life back. I didn't ask for this change, it is the pits. But what choice do we have? We have to keep moving forward I suppose. I don't want to be alone. Pooey! I'm having a bad day...lol!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lost&alone Posted March 24, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 24, 2014 Today it has been 12 weeks since I lost my husband of 30 years and I can relate to the feeling of wanting to give up. It seems that no one understands how hard it is to keep going. My children are adults and I know that they are trying to help but I don't think they even really understand the pain I am in. There is a song that I have been listening to a lot that sort of describes the feelings that I have. I shared the lyrics with my daughter and I think it gave her some idea of how I feel. I started a journal where I write letters to my husband, sometimes that helps. I wish you luck in this awful journey. I hope you can find the strength to move forward. I think everyone here understands your pain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sharon2476 Posted March 24, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 24, 2014 I wish that I had of found this group alot sooner. I didnt go to any grief counseling. Although its been seven yrs. I appreciate hearing from the ones that have the same things that I can relate to. It made me really stop and think that we are all still living. Although we are thinking where do we go from here. I ask myself ,do I really wanna start over. It was easy after thirty yrs to know what the other one was thinking ,habits... how far u could push their buttons. All and all that didnt happen over night. I thank God.for what o do have ,yet I ask him why? My husband familu has been severly affected by cancer. They we like my own family. So not only did I lose him ,ive lost them as well. His dad 2000, his mom 2012 and this Jan his brother. Theres are reason we are still here. Try to take it day by day. We can all be here for one another... God Bless you all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members HeyJude Posted March 25, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 25, 2014 Sharon - I think that one of life's hardest trials to deal with is looking around you at any given time and realizing just how many people in your family have passed over. In my family alone, including in-laws, there were 18 people. Today there are 5 left. That is a lot of missing people when it comes to holidays etc!! And that is people that you just can't replace either. We can move forward, well, we just kind of do, ya know? We can move forward without them and we can also move forward by allowing new people into our lives. But like I said earlier, I'm just too tired to go through all the "new relationship" crap. I had my husband trained just the way I wanted him...hahahahaha!! He would tell you the same thing! I guess what I'm getting at is us folks who are well into our 50's just kind of have to hang in there and try to make the best of the time we have left. Enjoy our adult kids, our grandchildren, make new friends. Life can be good again but it will never be the same as it was, ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.