Members Tryingtohavehope Posted March 8, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2014 I'm in a really odd mood today and I can't figure out why? I feel like I'm starting all over, back to when I found out he died! I don't want to start over, I want to keep pushing forward! I want to be happy again! Everyone else has gotten back to normal, but not me I'm still suffering day by day just trying not to break down! He was my rock and the only one I could turn to...now he's gone! I understand he's always going to be with me...I GET IT but right now it's not something I can smile about! I feel like everyone is trying to force me to move on and I just can't do it! Please someone promise me that it will get easier and I will move forward!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lost&alone Posted March 8, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2014 Hi Trying,I am about a week ahead of you on this awful journey. I know that I have had more OK days than bad days lately but Thursday was awful, I think that is how things go, some good and some terrible. I wish I could promise that it will get easier but I know how you feel. Everyone else is moving on but I am stuck here without my husband, best friend, rock and the greatest man I ever knew, It is just so hard. Don't let people make you feel guilty, no one knows what you are going through. It is OK to do things on your time frame not the time frame others have for you. I may move forward a little at a time but I do not ever want to MOVE ON. Terry was part of my life (the best part) for over 34 years, I do not want to forget that! Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Annie_ Posted March 8, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2014 Trying, My husband died suddenly on December 14 so it has not quite been three months for me. I can't promise you a certain time frame because everyone is different and each person will work through their grief in their own way. But hang in there--let yourself grieve. It's okay if you need to breakdown sometimes and let the tears and the sadness out. You don't have to force yourself to "move on" before you are ready or to grieve by anyone else's timetable. For me the first month and even into the second every day seemed worse or harder than before. But I think a lot of why I was feeling that way was a matter of perspective. I started keeping a journal--just to start writing whatever was in my head or heart when I was feeling overwhelmed. After a while I was able to look back and read my previous entries and realize that, yes I might be having a really hard day but that compared to a month ago I was now struggling with something different than I was then. It is still hard sometimes, but being able to go back and see that was I was struggling with the last time I'm okay with now made me feel like I was making progress in some way. Only in the last week or two have I experienced some "good" days where I could actually feel happy at times. A month ago I didn't believe people when they said it would get easier with time, because I just couldn't see how that was possible. But I can say now that it is possible. I have hope now for myself that as more time goes by that it will continue to get better and that the "good" times will stretch longer between the "hard" times. Remember, when you do start to have some happy moments again--enjoy it. You might be tempted to feel guilty for being happy, for smiling, or laughing, but don't put that pressure on yourself. Give yourself permission to feel your emotions when they come--not just the sad ones but also the happy ones. Those happy moments mixed in help make the sad times a little more bearable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members backyarder1 Posted March 8, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2014 Hi Ashley. Things do, eventually, get better. But you are very early on in the grief process. It ebbs and flows and it if different for everyone. For me, I have days or weeks when everything is starting to feel good, and then I get down in the pits again. But I was still having a very hard time up until about the three month mark. Since then, I think things have been getting a little better. I'm just a little bit past 4 months now. No one can force you to rush what you are going through. Just accept the crying and the grief and try to stay strong through it. Do you have someone you can call when you are experiencing your grief? To me, it helps to have someone to talk to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members HeyJude Posted March 10, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 10, 2014 The relationship that you had with your boyfriend was completely different than the relationship everyone else had with him. Nobody knows what this is like except for those of us who have lost their loves. If anybody told me to move on I think I'd go off on them. And I'm 14 months into this process. Honey, you will have good days and you will have bad days. I still cry. I can cry at the drop of a dime, all I have to do is think about my husband and how much I miss him and the tears start. I've talked with women who have been widowed for 5-6 years and they still have moments of sadness. It is all part of it. You take whatever time you need to process your grief and don't listen to what others say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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