Healing and Moving On - Scary Stuff

[backyarder1]

I'm reading a book called "Second Firsts: Live, Laugh and Love Again" by Christina Rasmussen. This isn't the first book that I have read in the last few months about re-creating your life after a great loss. But its a good one.

I really like the thought of making ourselves stronger after a loss and working to create the perfect life that we have always wanted.....again. We won't have the SAME life that we had with our beloved, or the same life that we had before we met them. But I don't think there is any reason to believe that we can't be happy again.

So I am taking lots of baby steps towards a new life. I'm reaching out and trying to meet new people. I'm joining groups. I'm learning new things. I'm trying to grow some balls. Haha. We'll see if the obscenity checker changes that word for me.

I even posted a profile on a dating website. I really had no intention of dating yet but men who seem interesting are responding. But here's the scary part.

I don't ever want to forget Tom. So it is a challenge to move forward, and to know that I am worthy of a good life again, and not feel guilty about it. So that's where the tears come from now. I still love Tom and still miss him and see him in almost everything around my home. And I don't really want that to stop. I just need to be able to do that without it causing me pain and guilt.

This current book says that you can't live in the past if you want to move forward. And I don't think that I am LIVING in the past, but I don't want to forget any of it. The book says that you should take down photos of your beloved and maybe even redecorate some of the rooms. Again, I'm not ready to do that. I was kind of hoping that I would just "meet" some guys on match who would be willing to correspond for awhile before we met. I really don't think I am ready to meet anyone yet.

[Caremal]

first you will never forget him.   I lost mine almost 2 years ago,  I will never ever forget him.   I found a new friend and was so unsure of doing so --- should I - could I- would I- well I did.   I am so lucky I found a friend who I get along with in a special way and we enjoy each other very much.   We travel and spend our days being together and learning about each other.   After several months we are so comfortable that we do not spend a day apart.    I also read several books some were better then others. I also drank more liquor in a the time I was alone that I needed to do so.   I am working on no longer having a pitty party for myself again. My friend has helped me walk out of my dark place.      I did find my friend on Match - so don't give up.   You might also try (meet-up)   they are all over the country it is groups who meet for different activities.   wish you well - and never forget them and never give up as forever alone is a long time.

[needy]

Just ordered the book.  I preorder what I thought was a widow dating book and it arrived a month ago, stupid thing is a fiction book not a self help book.  I have tried the online dating thing, I will warn you there are "special" people out there so be prepared.  I have only met two guys from the online dating thing, most seem to disappear after awhile (I have been told this is normal).  The first guy was not for me, the other guy is in love with my dog but I don't see our friendship turning into anything else.  All we have done is walked the dogs together.  

 

I really have to grow some balls too.  Never use to have a problem going out on my own but now I have to force myself to go, and generally when I do go out I feel so much better.  

Widow to widow is another good book it also suggests to redecorate rooms and make it more you.  I did that it wasn't easy but now I like my home.  

 

Meet-ups sound wonderful but unfortunately none in my area.  

 

You are never going to forget Tom but we all know we would want our spouses to live life.