Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted February 27, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 27, 2014 It is going to be 17 months since you are gone...I struggle everyday just to get through the day...at this point most everyone has went on with their lives...it is to be expected... ...but mine is shattered in ten thousand pieces with no hope of ever having the happiness level that once was... ...and now it has come to the point where I must wear a mask...or turn into a complete hermit...I do a little of both honestly... ...I have not looked at your photos lately or tried to go back to your house...to do so twists the dagger of grief lodged within my heart... ...so I walk alone...wondering if I had done something deserving of this fate by God's hand...while others go blissfully through their idyllic life confident that they are so deserving of those blessings...yet what I have discovered is that your entire life can be dissolved in a millisecond...death respects no one... ...I do not know what I have done to deserve two son deaths....you were so incredibly good to people, you tried to follow God's way to the best of your knowledge...yet you were killed, ran over by someone with no regard for anyone...she was the lone "bullet" that crossed your path that day...was this really your appointed day, I still hotly debate that within my heart and mind, Jesse... ...and your next court date is just 4 days before my birthday...I pray that God may have mercy on me, He knows my prayer... Poem of Masking Grief My beloved son... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members hotrod Posted February 28, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 28, 2014 Laurie,I do hear you and so understand, Jesse was certainly a true gift from God. Honoring his memory and missing him as you do reflects a beautiful Mother's heart filled with love. I lost my only child, Stephen nearly 7 yeaars ago and I wear that mask of which you speak each day. I know that it covers a truly broken heart. You are not alone. . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MissingB Posted February 28, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 28, 2014 Laurie, I am just behind you in the timeline (15 months on March 7th). As you know this is the place to confide these feelings and we "get it". I'm afraid I don't have perfect words. I have found myself doing ok and thinking I can get through this life without Bryce and find purpose to go on. And then, I think because I get cocky thinking I could find some kind of happiness in life, I revert to a dark fog of sorrow. I'm there right now and the poem you attached with this is just so perfectly stated. I agree with Betty, the pain is so deep because that is how deep the love is. Take care of yourself. Jill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shorty16 Posted February 28, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 28, 2014 Laurie,You are at a very tough time in your grief. For me, the 2nd year was worse than the 1st. Reality sets in. I felt the horror of knowing Brian was really not coming back. I hated, and sometimes still hate, my life...I did not want this "new" life.Please know, the pain will subside. Time allows us to got longer between breakdowns.I pray for youColleen, Brian's Mom 4ever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members wgreenlee Posted March 4, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 4, 2014 Laurie...I wish so fervently that I could do something...anything...to help you through these times right now. I wish I had known Jesse...I wish he and Brooks had met and were friends. Your son was an amazing man! Your love for him fills your heart and the words you write display that love for all to see. I will never forget him, even though we never met. I can't take away your pain, but please know that sharing Jesse with me has a been "gift" that I hold dearly. I am truly honored to know your son and to say his name with pride. Jesse... a good...honorable...gentle man who is missed...but will never...ever...be forgotten! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted March 4, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted March 4, 2014 Laurie...I wish so fervently that I could do something...anything...to help you through these times right now. I wish I had known Jesse...I wish he and Brooks had met and were friends. Your son was an amazing man! Your love for him fills your heart and the words you write display that love for all to see. I will never forget him, even though we never met. I can't take away your pain, but please know that sharing Jesse with me has been a "gift" that I hold dearly. I am truly honored to know your son and to say his name with pride.Jesse... a good...honorable...gentle man who is missed...but will never...ever...be forgotten!Wade, thank you for your kind and beautiful post. Yes, I think Brooks and Jesse would have had a great time exploring the outdoors of the southwest area...Jesse loved to hike the unexplored wild areas and is a great convincer of his many reluctant friends to join him...Yes, I can see them in some restaurant eating tacos together and plotting a grand adventure or two...the new picture of Brooks in the other thread has his wonderful smile that reaches into his eyes...very much like Jesse, they would have been a pair!We owned property just south of Flagstaff AZ...now being sold... Thank you for sharing Brooks with me as well...I appreciate getting to "know" your son too...it is a honor to hear the stories of others...and share their love... Picture taken in Arizona on a biking backpack trip with friends Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted March 4, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted March 4, 2014 Thank you to all who responded to this thread...like I wrote to Wade, it has been an honor to hear the stories of your children and the love you have for them... May we find some comfort in this journey we never expected and hold each other's hands as our children cheer us on from the great beyond... Hebrews 12:1The Voice (VOICE)12 So since we stand surrounded by all those who have gone before, an enormous cloud of witnesses, let us drop every extra weight... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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