Lost my Mother

[Lindadaughter]

Hi. My mother passed away on February 4, 2014. The day before my father's birthday and 6 months before their 40th anniversary. She was 61 and was a kidney/pancreas transplant recipient. She went into the hospital for pneumonia the week before Christmas. Turns out her pneumonia was caused by CMV, and it eventually moved into her brain. She went from stable and in an induced come for treatment to organ failure over a 12 hour period. The last time I saw her was Boxing Day. The last words i said were "I love you, I'll see you soon." The last words she mouthed to me around a respirator tube that day were "I love you, too."

I guess i have that.

It's three weeks today that she died. I still can't quite wrap my mind around the idea that I can't pick up the phone and call her. Most moments, I do ok, I stay distracted. It hits me pretty hard about once a day.

My dad's methods of coping and my methods aren't meshing too well right now. He's doing all the busy work, filing insurance paperwork and the like. We're both singers, and he is putting together a tribute DVD for her from tone of pictures. yester day he sent me the music for a song called Letting Go and asked if I'd record it with him....

Right now, I can't say "My mom died" to a sympathetic stranger without losing it, i sure can't sing a song about my mom, in a recording studio no less, with any sort of composure.  I have a hard time meeting people's eyes right now because i feel like there is this giant hole in me, and everyone can see it.

I guess I'll see if he's willing to wait a few months if he really wants to do a duet. Right now, that seems like an absolutely awful thing to try to endure.

[Guest Kirbibizzle]

Dear Lindadaughter,

 

Welcome to the site. Thank you for sharing your story, I appreciate you taking the time to tell us about your family during this painful time. Just so you know, this is a safe place. No one here is going to judge or criticize anything that you want to tell us about your mom or even your dad so feel free to share as much or as little as you want.

 

I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. Hold onto to those memories that you have of her, even the ones from at the hospital, as painful as they are. She loves you and she always will, and I am so glad you got to have those few final words with her. I didn't get the chance to do that with my father before he passed. He was only a year older than your mother, and he went from perfectly fine one day to on his death bed 3 days later. It's terrible that these kinds of tragedies have to even occur to bring us to seek out this forum.

 

Recording a song in remembrance of your mother would be an incredible way to honor her memory. I personally would love to hear the song once it is finished. No pressure or anything, I know that if and when you manage to finish it, it will be a deeply personal project and you may not feel comfortable in sharing it with us. It may take a long time for you to even come close to wanting to attempt to do it. We are all grieving here, and your song may provide the comfort someone else will need to help them in this long healing process.

 

Kirbiboh

[glamourtech]

I lost my mom last week and am feeling quite the same way. The last year, my mom knew that this would be her last fight with cancer. We all knew. Knowing beforehand does not make the loss any easier. I am a singer as well. My friend took me to open mike night and they asked me if I could sing "The Dance" by Garth Brooks...heck no I can't sing it, but I can sob it...will that work? I hope it will get easier for both you and I as time goes by. Bless you!

[Trish91]

Dear All,

 

I am truly sorry for your losses, and complety understand your pain, having lost my beautiful mom on 17/12/13, to lung cancer.

 

Lindadaughter, your mom was truly beautiful, and is now in peace, like all our parents, and truly happy again, and whole again. We want to remember them when they were healthy and full of life, not when they were sick and suffering, that hurt too much, and they needed to get let go of their damaged bodies so their souls could thrive once more.

 

It is great that you both have your music, your singing. I wish I had that, something else to let off steam, a real outlet, a positive outlet. Art and music are fantastic forms of healing, though it is understandable that it will take time for both of you to be able to sing certain songs or to sing to both of your moms without breaking down. So give yourselves time.

 

I know our moms and dads are around us somehow, although in a different form, inspiring us and protecting us, allowing us to somehow go on. I did all the hard work after my mom's passing, as my brother lives overseas and my dad in a different city. I got support from everybody around me, including my husband, but it was purely my responsibility, and I would not have been able to fulfill it without my mom's incredible love and support, and while feeling totally devastated, shocked, angry, confused......I still am, it is an ongoing process.

 

Thinking of all of you, take care, and post here whenever you wish, there are wonderful people on this forum.

 

Warm regards

[kikidee12]

Hi. My mother passed away on February 4, 2014. The day before my father's birthday and 6 months before their 40th anniversary. She was 61 and was a kidney/pancreas transplant recipient. She went into the hospital for pneumonia the week before Christmas. Turns out her pneumonia was caused by CMV, and it eventually moved into her brain. She went from stable and in an induced come for treatment to organ failure over a 12 hour period. The last time I saw her was Boxing Day. The last words i said were "I love you, I'll see you soon." The last words she mouthed to me around a respirator tube that day were "I love you, too."

I guess i have that.

It's three weeks today that she died. I still can't quite wrap my mind around the idea that I can't pick up the phone and call her. Most moments, I do ok, I stay distracted. It hits me pretty hard about once a day.

My dad's methods of coping and my methods aren't meshing too well right now. He's doing all the busy work, filing insurance paperwork and the like. We're both singers, and he is putting together a tribute DVD for her from tone of pictures. yester day he sent me the music for a song called Letting Go and asked if I'd record it with him....

Right now, I can't say "My mom died" to a sympathetic stranger without losing it, i sure can't sing a song about my mom, in a recording studio no less, with any sort of composure.  I have a hard time meeting people's eyes right now because i feel like there is this giant hole in me, and everyone can see it.

I guess I'll see if he's willing to wait a few months if he really wants to do a duet. Right , that seems like an absolutely awful thing to try to endure.

So sorry about your mom.  I, too, lost my mom in February -- the 12th.  She was admitted with pneumonia on Jan 8 and released to homes health care on the 25th on IV antibiotics.  On Feb 8th, had to take her back to ER. The pneumonia was raging again and on the 12th, she was put on the ventilator and we were told she wouldn't live past that day.  This was a shock to us girls because she was doing so much better just the day before. The  CCU unit kept her on the respirator until all our family was able to come in and say goodbye. She was very aware of what was happening. After they removed the tube, one of her last spoken thoughts was worry for us girls. After we assured her we would be okay, She died peacefully and quickly.  I try to hold on to the fact that she wasn't alone when she went and that she was no longer in pain.  I like to think that she is now reunited with Dad and my brother.   

You have to take your time and do what feels right to you. If you aren't ready to sing right now, maybe in the  future you can.