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Even Jane Fonda is weepy...


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Saw this, I http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2566899/Jane-Fonda-76-reveals-stop-crying-comes-terms-mortality.html


I think what is affecting many of us...it's called time.  I have seen a country that has changed from all recognition, and I see a people (including me) that are totally not connected to their surroundings.  So, I think like in my case maybe yours, a loss of person that I invested so much at one time....dies, severs what few links I had to modern society, and maybe yours.  What connects us all, is family, friends, community, if you're lucky you have all of that and when you have a loss, you grieve of course but then re-connect to those around you and move forward.  TV, and alot of the modern world including what I'm doing right now, I think creates an illusion of connectivity that is immediately exposed as a fraud when the loss hits you square in the face.  The fact that, in my case, that I had to find out my ex- was dead with a google search shows me in particular how disconnected I have become.  No doubt the pain is real, even if it makes no logical sense when taken to extremes. 


Let's examine the word "empty".  Why did the world seem empty several hours after I confirmed her death through various google searches.  The world didn't change, it was the same after as before.  The difference, I think, was because sub-conciously she was the only link I had to that earlier life, and in particular that time period of age 27 to age 37.  As all of you who are older you know that is a very decisive time in your life.  It was further complicated for me as her youngest, a couple of her friends had also died one by one, young, thus nuking almost completely that time period.  So I think, if a connection back to that time period had still existed, I could have had some bad feelings, but also know this is life, as some day I will die myself, ...but that I am still connected and to continue on as before. 


So, in conclusion, what I'm saying is these modern times are making a loss way more severe than in the past.  It is almost like we are on a desert island, and you could imagine a loss of a partner in those circumstance would be.  Cast Away with Tom Hanks, is movie about loss in that vein.  That partner you would share every thought with, about everything, suddenly dies.  Tom Hanks talked to a soccer ball, but I'm not ready for that yet.  I kayak, and maybe have an imaginary conservation with my ghost, but I know that isn't healthy.  I wish I hadn't taken that trip to Mars and come back to find everyone gone, is the best analogy for my story.  Connection...that is the key word, to moving forward. 


Personally, I have done something that astonished me.  I found another ex-, on Facebook that actually precided the girlfriend that I have been grieving for.  Hopefully she'll visit her facebook page and respond to my message.  She lives in Guadalajara, Jalisco, so hopefully I can connect to her, even if it just messaging in facebook about those crazy days.  She has aged very nicely, and I don't see a guy in her pics, but too much time has passed, so what I only need is word from her and all might be good again.  If she dies, then I'm sure my world will truly crumble.


Just some thoughts, still putting them together.

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