Fear my daughter missed heaven

[mom2sarah]

My daughter Sarah passed away Aug 2, 2008

I am  a Christian mother who always prayed for her salvation. She gave her heart to Jesus and always believed in his mercy and grace I did have a conversation with her the last week she was alive about Jesus. She assured me she knew Jesus, prayed to Jesus and loved Him. 

  I do feel sometimes that God did leave us a sign that she is now with him because when she breathed her last breath it was in the churchyard of the church that prayed for her to come into our lives. My husband and I lost our third baby (stillborn) and

my friend Lynn at that time told me her church was  praying for our loss and for us to have another child which resulted in us having sweet sarah. When this happened (her death) I remembered the church prayed and shortly after my friend (who had not heard of her death yet since she lived out of state) called me! This blew me away.

Why would God who has everthing under control allow her to pass away in the church yard that she was prayed into this world at?

  Because she had Jesus in her heart  I cannot find peace yet in this storm. If anyone has found peace of their loved ones salvation in similar circ**stance please share wha you have found that led you to be assured of them being with the Lord now.   It will torment me all my life.  Sarah was a very special girl who was selfless to a fault and I cannot fathom her in eternal Hell. Its my worst nightmare. TYIa Laura

[ericasmom]

Dearest Laura,

forgive me for not putting so much stock in the scripture but instead into the God that I feel is ever-present in our lives. I do believe Sarah is 'saved' that she is safe and loved and comforted where she is now. Your loss is very recent so I give you so much credit for reaching out this early, this is agreat thing to do. My daughter died 5 years ago at the age of 19, I post most times on Loss of an Adult Child where there are many fine parents struggling with the losses that have turned our lives upside down. I assure you however, from this point in time, that life will feel better than now one day, not for a while however, but one day. If you are God loving, please believe that he loves Sarah and that she is at peace. Please tend to your health, taking care of your body and spirit as you travel this difficult road, know that we are all here if you would like to talk and question the world. We all do. You will survive, but you will be changed by this and so don't let people bully you into thinking you should be over it by some time element that they have...there is not timetable for grief.

My heart to you Laura,

Dee

[mom2sarah]

Dee,

  Thank You for your comforting and uplifting words.  I  so need them now. I have read on the Loss of Adult Child board your inspiring post for your dear Erica. I was amazed at the signs and wonders you witnessed in the clouds and the naming of the

storm , Hurricane Erica.  WOW ...is all I can say!  I also can feel what a beautiful person she was to everyone she knew.  What a reflection of jubilant life she must have aroused in those around her. And is still doing by the signs and wonders you have witnessed since she broke free forever.

  I only hope and pray I am able to witness God sent witnesses of Sarah  heart while I wait to be with God forever. She was a peacemaker, compassionate and selfless soul. I just hate to see her suffering forever because of a drunken state of mind! I just here so much on dying in your sins as a hopeless loss.  It was a instant death they said it was fast. I do not know if she cried out to Jesus in the minutes before her death. I will never know here on earth for sure unless God comes strongly to me with a mighty witness of her being safe with him. Its in my nature to doubt, I must see the nails scars in Jesus hands to believe he rose my Sarah from the grave. I do believe however that He rose from the grave though to rescue those who accept his death to be saved. Its just hard to believe because we have a choice in the matter that Sarah

made it right with him at the last minute. Hope it doesn't take a lifetime for me to be assured she made it Home.

 I have posted on Loss of adult child and it went thru to that board, however today, for some reason (which is why there are 2 of the same posts) , when I posted on Loss of a Adult child it won't show there but on the main board here? If you can help me learn how to make sure my post goes to the Loss of adult child board please do. TY again Dee.  We are changed forever in just a twinkling of a eye. Who knew we'd be here now? But we are and were not alone. Oh but we could be meeting on a board of cooking or hobbies. I feel the losses of all those here AND WISH WE COULD DRY EACH OTHERS EYES AND HEAL EATH OTHERS PAINS. Oops sorry for caps.  God Bless us all

Laura

[wyomingsal]

Laura,

I can not presume to know where your beautiful daughter stood with our Lord before she died, however she told you that she accepted Jesus as her Lord and Savior.  We know that all have sinned.  Jesus came to redeem sinners.  We all still continue to sin.  If your beautiful daughter accepted Jesus as her Lord and Savior, then we know from scripture that she is with Jesus even now...this very moment.  She has gained much more then we can understand right now.  I have never read in the Bible where it says if you die drunk you will not go to Heaven.  I put my trust in scriptures not in people's beliefs.  God knew the plans he had for your beautiful Sarah...Princess...before she was even born. We can't understand this early separation.  However know that God does understand and one day we will know that God knew what he was doing when he allowed her die.  He would not allowed one of His children to die were she not ready to join Him.  She told you she gave her life to Jesus.  Based on that I believe your daughter is in Heaven.  My Joshua was there to greet her.    God's peace upon you sister,

Sally

[kirksdad]

Laura, I believe that our children are happy and peaceful.  I have a story similar to yours.  Our son was 17 when he was killed in a one car crash a couple of blocks from our house.  Here 8 years later our churchs stands in the spot where he died.  Like you I felt it was a sign that said he was ok.

Kirk had a blood alcohol level of .1 probably a couple of drinks.  We later found out he liked taking the curves on that block at high speeds.  Some say the police were chasing him that night.  The police kind of had him picked out as one of their favorites to harrass.  He lost contol of the car, it rolled and he was ejected.  The car came to rest on his head.

I had to idenify the body in the parking lot of our hospital with about 20 people standing around.  They unzipped the body bag in front of me and it seemed as though I was in a nightmare.  He looked so peaceful, he had a 7 cm break in his skull at the temple, I could tell what had happened, but still he looked peaceful.

Kirk was a wild child, but still he was so loveable.  He had so many friends and adults would tell me he was the kind of kid that would talk to them, something a lot of kids won't do.

His death was the end of our lives, his mother and sister, myself, were devastated.  It shaped our daughters high school years.  The school system was down right mean to her and her friends, well, they were pretty bad.  We are both teachers and had had to start school 2 weeks after his death.  Our daughter and ourselves were around everything that was him, his friends, his teachers, his life before his death on a daily basis, it was so emotionally draining that we didn't know what to do.  My wife tried taking some time off, but the administration in our district would only allow it if we took a loss on our salary even though there was bereavement leave available.

Now 8 years later our lives have smoothened out and we are able to look back at his life and feel good.  We know he had his faults, but people still remember him fondly.  I, though, still have a very defined opinion about law enforcement.

As far as the church goes, it was finished last year, I was the choir director at the dedication, and am a cantor about once a month.  Knowing such a beautiful stucture has been built at the site of his death is very comforting and everyone associated with it that knows our story has been very supportive.

The loss of a child is something that is a life long battle, I remember the sheer and utter devastation I felt for so many years.  Now I miss him deeply, but not to the complete pain I felt in the beginning.  Life is strange, I am glad we at least have the places our children died as more of an inspiration than a dread.  Jim

[mikesmum]

Laura - I guess I have always believed if there is a God he is one of wisdon beyond the human fraility.

Your Sarah sounds like a young girl, with a love of life, a knowing of her Jesus and a faith that despite her 'drinking' he will welcome her.

It is hard for me to believe in a power that is so literal that to be found lacking in some way will prevent you from finding peace at the end of your journey. 

Your baby girl, so young, your grief so new......I guess we need to find our peace in our beliefs.  They might not always be the accepted or the ones most favoured, but they should be ours.

Your church has prayed in the past for you and your family, their prayers have been answered before.  Maybe this time a prayer for peace in your heart that your darling girl is as you would want, free and safe?

Take Care - Trudi

[4everjoeysmom]

Dear Sweet Sarah’s Mom, Laura:

I am so very sorry for your traumatic and tragic loss.  I am very familiar with where you are.  My heart sank and just aches so deeply for you after reading your heartbreak, recognizing in your tone the same desperation and fear I carried in the early weeks after losing my son Joey.  You wanted to hear from someone in a similar walk…   I am.

My name is Claudia.  I love Jesus too.  Like you, I spent a lot of time on my knees praying for my children.  I have 2 sons, one now gone.  Joey prayed to receive the Lord the summer he turned 21.  I knew he believed, and there were many times when I would catch a glimpse of something he was doing at the time, or hear something he said that would affirm that he was growing in faith, that he was bearing fruit.  There were other times when I was discouraged that he was backsliding.  The reality is that he knew Jesus, and Jesus knows Him, but just the same Joey was a “work in progress”.  I clung to this Scripture as one that brought me great comfort in the Lord’s faithfulness, not to abandon or forsake us when He has called us, even though we forsake Him.  Philippians 1:6  For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.   I saw the good work He was doing in Joey.  I know Jesus would not abandon that or him.  I don’t ask others what they think.  I stick to the Scriptures as my guide and leave my heart open wide to the Lord teaching me what He will have me learn in this trial in His time, in His way, in His grace.  I have found many answers and much peace along this journey over the past 2 years, when I first began.  Joey passed on July 31, 2006, 7 days before his 24th birthday. 

Joey was a college boy.  He loved college life.  He studied hard, and he was pulling grades at honors level, yet he held to humility and chose not to join clubs or fraternities.  He was “Just Joey”.  Everyone loved him that knew him—his friends, his teachers, his family, his acquaintances.  He always had a spark in his eye and a zest for life.  He also like to party and cut loose with his friends when he had a break from studies.  Joey was a social butterfly.  He liked to be with people and he liked having fun.  Joey made a lot of bad decisions in life.  Haven’t we all?  But he also made a lot of good ones, and he showed the world glimpses of his heart for Jesus.  There are so many stories. But one in particular I will share here for now.  Joey had a friend who struggled so long with drugs.  His friend went to rehab a couple of times.  Since then his friend has been recovering and is doing well.  This friend is also a believer in Christ as Savior, Redeemer and Friend.  He was raised in a believing home.  He fell hard when he fell, but the Lord caught him.  Joey stayed away during the hardest times of temptation, citing that his friend was in really rough shape and he could no longer help his friend.  It made him very sad.  I remember when he told me.  Joey and his friend restored their relationship and friendship when his friend became healthy and non-toxic.  A few weeks before Joey passed away, he went to church with this friend.  The day of Joey’s memorial service his friend said to me…”Joey was in church with me 3 weeks ago Sunday.  I know he knew Jesus, because during worship I looked at him.  His hands were raised in the air and he was singing his heart out.  He was one on one with the Lord like no one else was there.”  When I heard that my heart rejoiced.  It was one of many, many affirmations.  (I won’t say signs, because I don’t believe we need them to know that “GOD IS”.  But I do believe God has ways of showing us things through people, places and events, through His creation and beyond.  Joey didn’t give up on his friend.  And Jesus didn’t give up on Joey.  There are religions that believe that if a person dies in the act of sin, then he cannot be forgiven, thus is damned to hell.  I say that is not Biblical.  There is but one unforgiveable sin and that is denying Jesus as Lord, denying His deity, Him.  There is but one Hell, and that hell is eternal separation from God.  Those who know God and whom He knows, they shall not be strangers to Him the day they come face to face.  He will not send away His elect.  I believe Joey was called.  I believe your Sarah was called.  Forget what religion says.  Call on what God says.

Joey died one night after having been out partying all afternoon.  He was abandoned to walk home alone on a dark country road.  He sat at the railroad tracks with a .21 Blood Alcohol content.  He passed out on the tracks and was run over by a train.  His death was tragic, traumatic, and gruesome.  I had nightmares for weeks, envisioning that train running over my boy.  I feared for his eternal position.  Then one night in the middle of that same dream the light of the train morphed.  It became “the Light”, he Lord coming to take my boy home.  It was that dream that ended all others.  There were no more nightmares after that.  I have found peace.  And I know Joey is safe in the eternal presence of God.  He is free, and I am free as well, though the journey of missing him goes on.  Prayers of peace & comfort to you, Claudia, (4everJoeysMom) 

Rev 21:10  And he carried me away in the Spirit to a great and high mountain, and showed me the holy city, Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God…

[DawnFisher]

Just a note to let you all know - there were three duplicate threads and I have deleted the other two so now there is just one thread for this topic "Fear my daughter missed Heaven."  To 4everjoeysmom and SusanBruce - your posts in one of the duplicates could not be moved over.  I kept this one up because it had the most replies.

Thank you all for responding to Sarah's Mom.  And to Sarah's mom - one of the passages from the Bible that has offered hope to so many in your situation is Romans 8:26-27.  The same, loving God who heard the church's prayers to deliver this child to you all those years ago, is the same, loving God who helped Sarah in her weakest moment. May this verse give you comfort and peace.  ~Danny's mom,  Dawn

[align=left]In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And He who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will.” ROMANS 8:26-27[/align]

[4everjoeysmom]

Laura:  In the deletion of the duplicate threads you may have not been able to read the other messages.  Just in case...   Susan Bruce was so sweet to say that your girl is in Heaven with Jesus.  I basically said that if "anyone", no matter who they are, is quicker to speak condemnation and despair into your life through their words and deeds, you don't have to receive it.  I don't believe that anyone operating in the Spirit would be so lacking of tact and compassion, and most of all love.  In the trials and brokenness of our llives the Lord desires us to run to Him.  He is a God that empathizes with our hurts and our weaknesses. 

Additionally, I believe the twisted understanding of Justification is what prompts such comments of condemnation on whether or not our children are in Heaven or not if having died in the act of sinning.  Laura, when Jesus took the sins of the world upon him, He did it "once and for all".  If His Act of Love did not cover future sins, then He would have had to be crucified over and over again to cover the future beyond Calvary.  Oh how hopeless we all would be...  It is said nowhere in the Word that His forgiveness is limited to past or present sins.  His sacrifice covers all sin--meaning FUTURE as well.  That doesn't mean we should not have repentant hearts or that we shoud go around willfully sinning just because.  But sanctification (the journey to being made perfect and worthy) is a process.  No being will reach that perfection on this side of Heaven, though many will like to believe they can.  It is there that our sanctification is complete and we are glorified with God.  Dear One, if Jesus called your daughter by name and she answered to His voice, be assured they know each other and she has been forgiven by His Grace.  There is nothing anyone can do to earn that grace.  Nothing!  Seek your answers in the Lord.  Seek Him and He will make Himself and His Will known to you.  It is asked so often, "Why do bad things happen to good people?"  I constantly have to remind myself that this world is fallen and no one is immune to disasters, pain, suffering and loss!  But it is written--continuing where Dawn left off:

Rom 8:28 And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

Rom 8:29 For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren;

Rom 8:30 and these whom He predestined, He also called; and these whom He called, He also justified; and these whom He justified, He also glorified.

Rom 8:31 What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us?

Rom 8:32 He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things?

Rom 8:33 Who will bring a charge against God's elect? God is the one who justifies;

Rom 8:34 who is the one who condemns? Christ Jesus is He who died, yes, rather who was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who also intercedes for us.

[cheryl36]

DEAR MOM2SARAH:  I READ YOUR POSTING TODAY AND HAD TO COME BACK AFTER I HAD THOUGHT LONG AND HARD ABOUT YOUR SITUATION.  I CANNOT SIT HERE AND LIE AND SAY I HAVE READ THE BIBLE AND TOTALLY UNDERSTAND IT.  I HAVE BEEN TO CHURCH MANY TIMES AND I HAVE NEVER HEARD AT ANYTIME THAT NO HUMAN BEING WAS NEVER FORGIVEN FOR DRINKING!  NOR HAVE I EVER HEARD OF ANYONE WHO HAS PASSED OF A ACCIDENTAL DRUG OVERDOSE AND NEVER MAKE IT TO HEAVEN.  YOU DAUGHTER WAS A YOUNG VIVACIOUS WOMAN WHO WAS VERY BEAUTIFUL IM SURE.  OUR GOD AS WE KNOW HIM IS A VERY LOVING, FORGIVING, GRACIOUS GOD WHO LOVES US ALL!!!! JUST LIKE WE LOVE OUR CHILDREN, HE LOVES US ONLY 1000 TIMES MORE.  PLEASE FIND COMFORT AND REST ASURE SHE IS IN THE HANDS OF OUR LORD AND IS SAFE AND HAPPY AND BEAUTIFUL, AND FREE!!!!  WATCHING OVER YOU!  I TRULY, WHOLEHEARTEDLY BELIEVE THAT WITH EVERY BREATH THAT COMES FROM MY BODY.  OUR GOD IS A VERY FORGIVING GOD AND KNOWS US BETTER THEN WE KNOW OURSELVES, AND DO YOU KNOW WHY THAT IS? BECAUSE HE MADE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US INDIVIDUALLY! HE KNOWS OUR STREGNTHS AND WEEKNESS, AND HOW MUCH PRESSURE OF THIS WORLD WE CAN TAKE, AND WHAT WE CAN'T TAKE, HE CARRIES US THROUGH IT.  I KNOW YOU HAVE READ MY FAVORITE POEM "FOOTPRINTS", AND IT IS MY MOST FAVORITE AND SO, SO TRUE.  YOUR DAUGHTER IS WITH OUR LORD, AND DON'T LET ANYONE TELL YOU ANY DIFFERENT!  WE WERE NOT MADE TO BE PERFECT, WE WERE MADE TO BE JUST WHO WE ARE AND GOD LOVES US NO MATTER WHAT!!!! I WILL BE PRAYING FOR YOU AND PLEASE KEEP THIS IN MIND WHENEVER YOU SHOULD HAVE ANY DOUBTS,  SHE IS WITH HER HEAVENLY FATHER!  I AM SO VERY SORRY FOR YOUR LOSE AND KEEP PRAYING TO GOD, HE WILL ANSWER YOU!!!

CHERYL

[mom2sarah]

Sally,

   Yes, I have since grasped that our sweet Sarah's acceptance of her salvation thru Christ Jesus (in which she has told me more than once in her last week on earth)

set a seal of the Holy Spirit on her as a down payment to guarantee her redemption

as being God's possession.  WOW!!!  I have learned so much more about Gods redemption plan thru Sarah's passing than I ever knew while she was here with us.

Amazing Grace's verses have more meaning to them also. Our children, Joshua and Sarah are partakers together in paradise now...WOW!!! Right  back at you....God's peace and blessings to you and yours sister

Laura

******************************

Jim, 

   I am amazed at how similar our children left this earth.  My close friend told me she looked very well. And I get glimpse's of her in my mind

of her reassuring me she is fine now with her sweet smile. I always called her "Sarah Smile" after the song which always brought a smile to her face.

 

 Jim,  I do think God had a helping hand in our childs deaths in a positive way not that He took their lives. I really like how you put it "I am glad we at least have the places our children died as more of an inspiration than a dread. "  I could not have said it better!

   We have no idea how this will affect the rest of our life but God has used this tragedy/blessing to draw closer to Him.  My husband, on the other hand, is upset with

God for not remembering how much trust he had in God and yet He let Sarah lose her life so young taking her from him.  I could be upset too but I don't believe He would

have allowed this to happen unless He had good reason. I can only relate to Job. I do worry if my hubby will get over being upset with God for letting him down. I can only hope he will grow into a deeper understanding of who God is thru his disappointment.

Right now we struggle just getting one foot in front of the other to get walking again

as it would be much easier to just lay down and die.  She was our only child so we do not have much to live for except seeing her again but we must stay here for each

as we know thats what she would want us to do. 

  Thank you Jim for sharing your heart, your grief and your hope with me as we are strangers yet close because our loss/gain Peace and Joy to you and yours

Laura

*************************************************************

Trudi,  Thank You for encouraging me and actually this Sunday we went to the church

where Sarah's Circle of Life is and because God knew my thots /fears He allowed to me to get a glimpse of Sarah at her last breath. I saw her confused as to why her head hurt and then she felt a overwelming power drawing her nigh to which she found hard to resist.  God drawing her completely back to Him gives me the peace

of mind I needed to go on living here till I die and see Him and her again. Thnk You for caring and Bless you with Peace and Joy

Laura

*************************************************************

Dear Compassionate Claudia,

  Oh how I feel the hurt and healing of your last two years of the growth you went thru.  Not only do we as mothers have a similar walk but I think our JustJoey and SarahSmile both did to. They both were loyal to their friends and yet when they needed a friend on that frightful night they were left all alone.  But in the end their

True Friend  Jesus  was loyal to His Word was there in the end for them and

forevermore. I somehow think it was His plan to show them thru the abandment of their friends that it was Him that was their real friend.  The only mistake our children made was choosing the wrong friends in life but Thank God they chose Christ.

  Just like Joey God put on a Christian friend of Sarah's heart to come to me after

her death (during calling hours) to tell me Sarah told her she had Jesus in her heart. She told me Sarah kept pounding on her heart telling Crystal that she had Jesus in her heart. Before Crystal came to calling hours she felt the tug of war going on in her heart and mind to go and let me know how her and Sarah shared their relationship

with Jesus with each other at a Christmas party last year. After Crystal gave in and went to calling hours and shared Sarah's confession of Christ to her as she left the building she felt so free and at peace.  She shared how hard God pulled her there that night and  than lifted her afterwards when we saw her a few weeks later. So no doubt God sent these real friends of our son and daughter to reassure us they saw the relationship they had with God.

  I do agree 100% that your Joey and my Sarah were called and also chosen

and although the enemy of our souls stole their earthly life from them and us

he could not take their eternal life with God from them.  I so wanted that more than

ever for her as I know you did for Joey to be saved from Hell.  Now its a done deal and instead of praying for their salvation we can now rejoice in their salvation. What a Mighty God we serve.  And one day the dead in Christ will rise and be in their resurrected bodies.  So our Joey and Sarah will have their new body but we can rest

now in that they are with our Father in spirit waiting until the fullness of time to put on the incorruptible body living in perfect peace in the new heaven and earth.  We all have that future to look forward to.  Bless God for His promises!!!

   Our children may have had a short life here but they brought forth much light to others in that short time.  I always knew Sarah had a special calling and I can see by

your Joey's character he had a special calling too.  They are now receiving their rewards.  Their good works are now a jewel in their crown. Bless God

May His Peace and understanding follow you thru out the rest of your life Claudia

Laura

PS Claudia,  I agree what you said about being perfect before we pass as I read

Gal 5:19 and realized that I won't be entering the Kingdom of God either as I fall into

a few of those works of the flesh.  As long as we have faith that Jesus's blood covers

our sins so we are presentable to our Holy Father then we will be able to inherit the Kingdom of God. And God is faithful to convict us of our sins and we cry Jesus and are forgiven.  Only after knowing His love and forgiveness and then turning away to the point we deny He is the Savior will we lose our salvation. And yes I guess I have found myself thinking I needed a blood washed bath everynite but I guess it was why

I struggled so thinking she lost heaven. Plus He who began a good work in her/him  will finish it Phil 1:6 Thank God

*******************************************

Dearest Dawn,  How helpful and encouraging you were in sharing your thots about God helping her in her weakest moment.  As a mother I felt so helpless not being there to help or protect her. And thank you for caring.  We all will always have this same loss but we will always find genuine comfort from those who know our same pains. so it's with  compassion I pray for comfort and encouragement whenever

your at your weakest moments.....

[align=left]In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And He who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will.” ROMANS 8:26-27[/align][align=left]*************************************************[/align][align=left] Caring Cheryl,[/align][align=left]  How very kind you are for sharing with me how you feel about God's forgiveness and grace and I believe his love for everyone is 100% love I only hope that we will all accept it.  Peace and love with understanding wisdom[/align][align=left]Laura/mom2sarah

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[4everjoeysmom]

Laura:  Through the pain I couldn't help but smile when I read your responses---so Spirit filled.  I can see already how strongly the Lord is working in you and through you on the other side of this grief.

Your husband feels the way I did for a time after my shock began to fade.  It came down to the simple fact that I was allowing my emotions to rule my actions.  You see, just months before Joey passed I had made a life commitment to work on the mission field with my husband.  We shared our plans the Thanksgiving before, and just 3 months after arriving in Ecuador Joey was taken.  I cried out to God, asking why?  Am I not faithful enough?  I have surrendered to work for You!  What more do you want?!  God answered. "Everything".  I realized it's not that he took Joey away from me.  He called him home, to the place I long to be too.  It makes life here more challenging to be missing Joey so much.  But "the goal" has not changed.  I am still Heaven bound.  I'm just traveling there at a slower pace than Joey did....  You know? 

Recently I read an artciel by Dr. AL Mohler and he sadi this."

There is a sweet and genuine emotional aspect to the Christian faith, and God made us emotional and feeling creatures. But we cannot trust our feelings. Our faith is not anchored in our feelings, but in the facts of the Gospel.  Our confidence is in Christ, not in ourselves. We are weak; He is strong. We fluctuate; He is constant. We cannot trust our feelings nor our emotional state. We trust in Christ. Those who come to Christ by faith are not kept unto him by our faith, but by his faithfulness."

How true and wise.  Like you have come to see, I now find deeper, mush more personal meaning in the Cross, in The Resurrection, in His plan for Redemption.  It's not that those things were unimportant before.  It's just that now they are vivid.  I pray that your husband finds his personal connection with Christ, that his relationship will grow to a deeper more intimate level.  I pray that your husband can see eternal aspects of his faith beyond the worldly claims we've made on our children.  I pray God's peace and comfort will cover and shield you both.  Love, Claudia

[mom2sarah]

Oh Sweet Compassionate Claudia,

     You are so very open in sharing your grief with honest geniune openess. How

much Jesus must love you and so do I.  Your experience in coming to terms with

so moves me and I feel your pain as well as growth in understanding the letting go

of our holding on to our loved ones.  You put into words so lovely how you now see

He wants everything from us. And thats hard for us mortals to do while we are still here struggling but "Oh what that sweet surrender brought to you when you did"

You are so Blessed with wisdom Claudia, a very Godly woman who awaits her crown

of jewels as rewards for being His Faithful servant. You have so much to look forward to when you pass on to your Eternal home.  I just know Joey is so proud of you now

and looking forward to  being reunited with you.  Oh what a reunion that will be

when you and your husband and son enter into Heaven. I can see Joeys face shining with anticipation!!!  Until then there will the memories of his heart here that will

carry you your hubby and son thru to the end of your journey here.

  I see your compassion toward not just me but everyone here you have met as your

kindness touches hearts who hurt. Your very much healing me and others. How pleasing to God you are. May God continue blessing you in strength and wisdom as He lifts you up thru your "missing Joey" moments.  Our Sarah's Rememberence cards say

"Miss Me but Let Me Go"

Bless You and Thank you Claudia

Love You

Laura

[4everjoeysmom]

Laura:

If I could send you a God-sized HUG, I would.  I don't know exactly how big they are, but I know they are infinite!    Thank you so much for your beautiful expressions.  You are the second person to say such sweet things to me in the past couple of weeks about crown and jewels.  I say I would be very pleased and blessed to receive such extraordinary gifts from the Lord when I do arrive in my eternal home.  But that is not what drives me.  I just love that God has planted in my heart sincere love and compassion for the brokenhearted and brokenspirited.  His leading me into a new awareness of brokenness in this world has strengthened me and brought me to an incredible healing journey of my own.  My dream and vision is to help others find that healing and restoration, because it is SO BEAUTIFUL.  Jesus is so beautiful!!  I love Him with my whole heart, and I love you too, My Sister.  I know you are going to be alright!  You are so Spirit-filled.      GOD-SIZED HUGS, Claudia

[mom2sarah]

Dear Claudia,  I love your God -sized Hugs  and  Here is a Huge  JESUS hug back  At You

(((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))))  I am so glad to meet a sweet sister in the Lord.  Reread my last post as I changed it to include your other sweet son in your family reunion

in Heaven someday!!!!   God be with  with you today as you celebrate this Labor Day

and remember Gods promise that your labor was not in vain as he enjoys Joey  now and your family that will be with Him later and all those you have helped heal in their heart brokeness. Love in Christ Jesus

                               Laura

[4everjoeysmom]

Laura:  A real quick story, because you mentioned my son, whose name is Patrick.  Patrick had not received Jesus prior to his brother's death.  The week of the memorial service and following week Patrick asked a lot of really good questions about faith and God.  He was seeking and his heart was so broken.  He knew Joey believed, and he knew in his heart that Joey was in the presence of the Lord.  He cried his broken heart out with my husband one night when they had gone for a walk together.  They stopped at the park and sat for a while to talk.  Patrick found Jesus that night, and I know it was by the grace of God.  He earnestly sought after the Lord, and the Lord scooped him up.  It was so cool to witness that happening to him--vicariously through my husband and the following days of seeing Patrick's countenance change.  Patrick was alway the kid who never got in trouble, obeyed us and all rules, and was as level headed as any mature adult--so responsible and thoughtful.  He didn't consider needing a savior before.  But when he saw before his own eyes the difference of Jesus as Savior and what that meant, he received with gladness and tears.  I don;t know that he would have found his way had he not lost Joey.

There's a lot more to it, as you can imagine, but that's a short story.  I am sharing it for the obvious reasons, but also to say this...

I spent a couple of months being pretty angry at God.  I know that was wrong and selfish, but it was humanly weak.  God was so faithful, though.  He isn't like us who wave and stumble when we become the target of someone's anger.  He listened to me, just like all of the rantings in the days of David.  And when I was finished and had spent all my energy cursing Him, He said very quietly:

"I am a Father of many sons.  I chose to sacrifice my One and Only perfect Son so that many sons (and daughers) could enter fellowship with me for all eternity.  You are a mother of two sons, whom I gave to you.  If I had asked you to sacrifice one so that you may have both for eternity, would you have chosen as I had?"

I thought about that for a long while, and I could not honestly answer that question.  I went about my devotions and grieving in the way that I had become accustomed...and then a week later God said this to me, onlly these words:

" I didn't make you choose."

I was blown away... truly!  That changed my course forever.  I knew I could not be angry with a God who loved me so much, and loved my Patrick so much, that He saw ahead of me what I could not.  He chose for me so that I would not have to--what I could not.  He spared me the anguish of having an unbelieving son, lost.  I am eternally in His debt and gratitude.  It has changed the face of my grief.

I still grieve and miss Joey terribly,  But God has blessed me in this trial beyond anything I possibly could have imagined.  It's a terribly painful journey.  But knowing now what I didn't know then, I trust that He knows what is for my good better than I could possibly ever know on this side of eternity.  I don't know what the Lord has in store for you and your husband, your family.  I know He loves your SarahSmile, and that she lives now with Him and my JustJoey.  And I know without a shadow of doubt that if you seek Him, He will show you His way through the valley.  His ways are not our ways, but we can trust Him in every circ**stance of our lives, without hesitation or fear.  It may seem we have much to lose in this lifetime.  But we have amazing treasures way beyond what our finite minds can hold, that which awaits us for eternity.  Being reunited with our babies is just the beginning of that....

I hope you can be inspired and encouraged by this.  Much love, Claudia

 

[DawnFisher]

Laura,

I was re-reading your earlier posts and I just want to give some gentle words of advice that may be valuable down the road.  While I have not gone through anything like this myself, I know that several of the people posting on this site can say "Amen" to my suggestions. 

Your grief is so fresh right now and sharing your story is a big step in this long journey called "grief" but since the death of your daughter involved adults allowing underage kids to drink and drive....there are implications that could lead to a lawsuit against them for what they have done...even in a town run by the "good 'ol boys" legal system.  You may want to edit some of your comments regarding the people responsible for this - just in case this situation ever goes to court. 

Trudi can tell you that defense attorneys sought out and used her posts in court.  She prevailed in the end...but I want to caution you that sometimes we get so comfortable here on our BI home and feel that we are just among others who understand (which we are) but it can also be read by anyone on the internet.  If you haven't used the PM feature yet, you can private message people if you have specific questions. 

I certainly don't want to discourage you or anyone from sharing their story or make you afraid to post here because others may be watching - but I just thought I should suggest that you think on these things.  If I were in your shoes, I would visit a trusted lawyer (who is not part of the good 'ol boys club) for advice.   I know some of our regular BI posting friends can jump in at this point and offer their expertise in this area.

Hugs to you,

Dawn

Beyond Indigo

[mikesmum]

Laura - As Dawn says, your grief is so raw and new and this site does give such comfort that many times we feel we can express our feelings openly without judgement. 

Unfortunately the other side to this is the legal system that know no boundaries.  Other parents whose childs death has come under the scrutiny of the legal system for whatever reason have been subjected to having their most personal thoughts played out in the courts.  For me it was Mikes Memorial site as well as my BI postings that were presented (unannounced) in court. 

Please please do not stop coming here.  Mike as been gone 20 months and the support, kindness and understanding I found here far outweighs the negativity of the courts. 

If you need to speak or vent of something that might be misconstrude in the courts, write a PM (personal message) to those you feel drawn to, that have been your strongest support. 

No matter what, remember Sarah is a girl of many days of memories, not just the one day that saw her taken.

Take care - Trudi

[kirksdad]

Laura, thought I would share this picture.  It was the last picture I took of him before he died.  We were at Science Olympiad and I really liked the LOVE sculpture.  I am glad I got it, what a last picture to take.  Jim

[mom2sarah]

Dear Kirksdad, Jim,

    What a lasting memory picture of your precious son to have. Its so important to us to find as much as we can from our loved ones after they pass on. The Love sculpture is another confirmation of where he was bound to be in the unending "Love" of Jesus

and when you first took that picture you probably had no idea what that love sculpture would mean to you today.  I know now there were things that stood out to me that before we lost our Sarah that afterwards I could see were put there for me  to look back at and see God had a better plan for Sarah.  "Love" was meant  for our Kirk.  Kirk was destined for Gods unending Love even before he left this earth. WOW

the all consuming Love of Jesus is wrapped into and thru your Kirk right now. What a symbol to carry you, your wife and daughter thru this life here. Gods certain Love.

    I also can't imagine how hard it was to have to be pushed into the envirement of

teaching kids that were reminders of your Kirk life as a student. I think of how I grieve when I see a mother/daughter together in a store. I miss so the connection we had, Sarah and I, as she grew to be a mature daughter/friend to me. Though it was short

lived because of her rebellious years I did get to reunite with her a mother and daughter relationship before she left us here alone. How did you and your wife/daughter cope with that  scene.  And just how could, why would the school system be so  unmerciful to your family  at such  a broken time in your life. What

character was built in you & yours thru  their  handling  your grief so  haphazardly?

   I can see now your faith and you have  helped me  to  see  there will be light at the end  of this tunnel. and I liked how you said to me " I am glad we at least have the places our children died as more of an inspiration than a dread.  Jim" con cerning the church grounds our child breathed their last breath on.  They are still Alive Thank God and we can always go back to that fact because of where God put them to come home.  Sarah was just a few blocks from her home here on earth too but I remind my hubby and myself that even though she did not make it home to our house that morning she is Home Forever now and so is Kirk. Praise the Lord

Laura/mom2sarah

[kirksdad]

Laura, the schools were actually pretty heartless.  Our daughter was told about a month after school started by a counselor that they didn't feel a need for help for the students because he was killed a couple of weeks before school started.  I guess that is about as good excuse as you can come up with when you try to ignore problems.

What really hit hard was after his death, that same year, the principal decided to remove all memorials from the school, citing some moronic "grief counselor"  who probably got his degree from a cereal box.  We had decided not to put a memorial up, but when the memorials came down and the parents were told to come and pick them up all hell broke loose.  The parents came to us, even though it hadn't even been a year and asked us to help them.  I guess I was ready to fight it because this principal had once told me to take Kirk to a different school about 15 miles away.  A real "salt of the earth" type of person.

It took us about a year and during that time we had to take a lot of crap from a few board members, a couple of school counselors, and of course this principal.  There were, though, a lot of people in the community who were behind us, some great people that had more influence than the ones that were trying to stop it.

In the end we were able to get the memorials put back up, across the hall from this principal's office, and had one of Kirk put up along with a policy for memorials that effects kids that are killed during their school years.

That kind of project kept us going, so many came to us to tell us they just couldn't believe how we were able to handle all the pain and pressure.  We had no choice, we were not going to let all these parents suffer more because of the ignorance of a few "educators" that really had no idea, and hopefully they never get an idea.

Anyway, they not only put the memorial up in the school, in the main hall, in the open, for all to see, they even put them on the schools website.  Here is the link, you can follow it to see them all.  This on is Kirk's.

http://www.usd407.org/usd/memorials/Balthazor.html

You can get to the others by going to usd407.org under memorials.

[shorty16]

Kirksdad,

Our school will not accept gifts to the school or memorials to our son who died one week after school let out in June of 2008.  The school did have grief counselors for students.

Since Brian would have been a senior and the seniors are allowed to present a gift to the school before they graduate, we purchased the gift of 5 lannon-stone benches.  Even though those benches cannot have any memorial to Brian on them, the benches are oval shaped like skate-boards or snow-boards.

I am so happy for you that you can place a memorial at the school - we can not.  But we did get the senior class to allow us to pay for what we wanted via the memorial fund set-up for Brian. 

Brian was an avid snow-boarder and the local ski hill is allowing us to place a memorial on a lannon-stone table and bench we purchased with Brian's memorial money.  All his friends will see that table and bench and I know they will think of him.

I am happy for you that you won the battle and were strong enough to even take part in it.

Thinking of you

Colleen

[kirksdad]

Colleen, the benches sound like such a wonder tribute to Brian.  We were lucky to be able to put the memorial policy in place.  We are also able to do a scholarship in Kirk's name to our school, it isn't huge, but we usually have about 8 kids apply for it, this last year it was given to a girl going into nursing.  Does your school allow for that?

How schools react can be so different, I am glad yours was able to offer some grief counseling, ours wouldn't, I guess it was why we became so militant over the memorials.  Sometimes you have to do things that hurt, but in the end can lead to some good. 

Jim