Angry

[AuntB27]

Good morning everyone!

 

This post may be a bit of a strange one, but I've found myself feeling angry towards my mom that passed away December 5th.

 

I just got engaged on Valentine's Day, and I'm mad at her for leaving me & not being able to enjoy the engagement/wedding planning with me.

 

The circumstances of her death weren't curable. She had a terminal illness, and was suffering quite a bit, so I know it was best for The Lord to take her. I totally understand that it was her time, and it was her turn to rest since she had been sick for so many years.

 

Even knowing that, I still find myself being angry. I know that may sound silly. I've been allowing myself to feel & sort out these feelings. A nice little side note/silver lining is that my mom actually found/introduced me to my fiance. She said that she knew from the second she met him that he was perfect for me. Of course she was right.

 

Anywho, does anyone else feel like this/ever feel angry at their parent that has passed away?

[Guest Kirbibizzle]

Dear AuntB27,

 

I have had the same kind of feelings towards my dad. I was really angry for a time right after he passed and I kept asking myself "how could you do this to me?". I wanted to just know how he could leave me like this with not even so much as a goodbye. But we both know that our parents didn't want to leave us, it's the last thing they'd want for us. If they had a choice, they would never leave us, and they would never die. But things beyond our control intervened, thus ruining so many of our plans for the future. Such is the nature of life, and death, as sad is it is to admit.

 

My dad smoked his entire life, and I know it wasn't his intention to just suddenly die one day as a result from it. I most likely figured he would get lung cancer, but God had other plans for him. Even though I was so angry at him just from even smoking in the first place, I know that smoking is what made him happy. You can't fault a person for wanting to be happy, even though them leaving has sucked so much happiness out of yourself. I can't blame my dad for dying. I can't blame me for him dying, even though every ounce of my being wants to blame someone, anyone. I just want to direct this anger towards someone, but I feel bad in wanting it to be towards my dad.

 

Our parents didn't want to leave us, I don't think anyone wouldn't feel remorse in leaving their child. Even through all the suffering, being with you for just a moment longer was worth the pain to your mom. Being with you as long as she could was what made your mom happy. Your mom knew what was best for you, as moms usually do. She helped guide your way for as long as she could until her body told her it was done. Even though she is gone now, she can still continue to guide you through your upcoming marriage. You know your mom so well, and she knows you. Let her spirit carry you forward.

 

-Kirbiboh

[AuntB27]

Thank you for your response. It's nice to know that I'm not alone in feeling the way that I do. You are absolutely right, our parents didn't want to leave us. Unfortunately, we don't call the shots or make the rules in life. I know your father loved you as much as my mother loved me. You are correct that we can't fault our parents for wanting to be happy, and pursuing that happiness even if it contributed to their deaths.

 

Thank you again for responding.

 

 

[Trish91]

Hi B,

 

Congratulations on your engagement, I know your mom is sharing the joy of this new milestone in your life! I can imagine how hard it must be not having your mom physically around to share in the happiness. However, you need to believe that she's there with you, in a different form. The soul exists, there is a Supreme being, and we will be together again with our dearly beloved ones at some point in time. We need to believe and help each other out during our very tortuous and difficult grieving process, which is like a roller coaster.

 

Sometimes, I myself cannot help but feel angry at God and my mom, for taking her at the age of 67, and in a very short and difficult time, and at my mom for leaving me. I often speak to both and say, why did you take the person who I love, loved and will love the most and who truly loved me when I prayed that she would live till she was 90 years of age since I was a little girl, and that we could take that journey to the next life together, as we had always done it, since I was a little girl, we did everything, pretty much, together, as a team. I also feel angry at my mom for going so soon and abandoning me in this really tough life and world without her, without her physically here.

 

Of course, I know I am acting completely childishly and immaturely, and irrationally, but such is the grief that I have experienced and continue to experience every single day.

 

Although I love my husband, my dad, my friends, my baby nephew and the rest of my family, including my mom in law, I miss my mom every single day more than anything or anybody, and I never thought I could feel so much pain in a life time.

 

I dream of her often, which is a blessing and pray that I dream of her all the time, because she's my soul mate. She's truly happy and at peace now, it is me, us who are left here to suffer.

 

Yes, I know there is still happiness in life, but right now, everything seems harder and insignificant compared to the happiness that having my mom around me brought me. She was and is my guiding light.

 

Warm regards, and thinking of you, and of everybody who is going through what I am going through.

 

Trish