Hello, im new...

[erip]

Hello.

 

I lost my boyfriend 2 weeks ago, out of the blue he had a stroke and a day after he died.

I'm so sad, lost, and a lot of feelings that are hard for me to put into words (i speak spanish so im doing my best typing all this down).

I met him 2 years ago and we've been so happy together, he was the best.

3 years ago my dad died of a heart attack and i was so sad i thought i would never be happy again. A year later i met F. (my boyfriend) and he was everything i ever wanted and i was everything he ever wanted too! I felt the luckiest girl in the world.

We had so many plans together, he was going to take a test to do his masters in new york and i was going to go with him because i work in the fashion industry and was looking through classes i could take, we were talking about getting married and this whole new life we where going to have and suddenly this happend.

 

I feel like I don't want to live anymore, the future scares me, i feel lost i just want him back! My mom kind of understands me because she lost my dad but is different, my boyfriends family are so sweet they care about me and have small details with me to brighten my day but its not the same.

 

Sorry im making this long but i feel like no one understands my pain and i wish i could stop the world. I have a group of friends but is like they dont understand, they are sad but also keep asking me "how are you?" EVERYDAY, of course my answer is "bad" "sad"...they say typical things like "time heels all wounds" bla bla...Dont they understand i lost the love of my life?? another friend said i understand how you feel is like when i broke up with...STOP IT its not the same.

 

I dont like it when people tell me "you are young..." so?

And i was looking for support groups on this subject but apparently here in Peru we dont have much of that.

Tomorrow i am going to therapy for the first time..and then to pick some things from his house..

I need you guys (anyone who is reading this). I feel so alone.

 

Eri

 

 

[llovern]

I am so very sorry for your loss.  I'm glad you found this support group because it is good to have people who truly do understand what you are going through.  Friends mean well, but they just don't realize that some of their remarks can really anger us.  I am also glad you are going to therapy.  I believe that will be very helpful to you too.  Read the forum messages and you will find so much that you can relate to.  It helps to know we are not alone in our grief.

 

We have a chatroom and I find the best time to find others in the chatroom is in the evening, but sometimes in the daytime too.  It's a good place for us to comfort each other.

 

Linda

[Guest Kirbibizzle]

Dear Eri,

 

You are definitely not alone in what you're going through. So many of us are all going through the same thing as you right at this very moment. I lost my best friend a month ago from a stroke too... and that best friend was my dad. He died three days later, and I am so sad, I too don't feel like I can ever be happy again. But this cannot last forever, can it?

 

I am not sure how you did it, but you made it through the passing of your dad and managed to find happiness again only to face another tragedy and have it all stripped away once more. The world is so unfair when it takes those we love so dearly from us. I've wanted so badly to just find one single reason why my dad was taken from me, why anyone is taken from us. But sometimes, we can't find that reason, no matter how hard we try.

 

I know how you feel when you say you don't want to live anymore. You feel like it would be pointless to have a life without your boyfriend. Sometimes, I feel that way about living the rest of my life without my dad. But we can't give up on ourselves even when we've lost everything. We have to find something to cling to. Happiness is still out there, we just need to find it.

 

By utilizing this forum, I believe we can find that one thing to keep us going. This is a good of a support group as any. You can say exactly how you feel here without judgement. We all need each other to help us through this. Even if we are not together physically, talking about this to someone who can actually understand and not say those "typical things" will make a world of difference.

 

Travis

[odetoanoddity]

Eri,

I can relate to your circumstances! I lost my boyfriend 3 months ago. He died from cancer. It's honestly been a whirlwind of a ride since he passed away. I have just finished university and now I am unsure about what on earth I am going to do now. We too had talked about our plans, plans about spending the rest of our lives together and having family. And also, like you and your boyfriend, I met my boyfriend around 2 years and 6+ months ago. I can see some similarities between us, I'm young myself (21 years old) and have had friends say that they can relate to me because they felt loss when their boyfriends broke up with them. I had a friend tell me that yesterday, and though I could agree with some of the things she was saying, I can't agree with her on that. She said that any loss was like a death, but with her situation, there's always the chance of her ex coming back. For me, that chance is closed to me forever.

I'm also anxious for the future and depressed about the past. I replay it in my head every single day, there is never a moment when I'm not thinking about Michael, feeling resentful towards time and how everything and everyone around me is moving forward while I'm still here trying to understand what happened.

I hope therapy has/will help you through this journey. This forum is also a great place to share your story with people who have experienced similar feelings. I'm going to start using it some more, for I feel like people on here can relate more to me than my own friends.

If you like, you can privately message me and we can talk about our grief and loss.

Kind regards

[TaraNic0le]

Eri,

Although all our circumstances suck - that's the only way I put it these days.  You are not alone.  10 days ago I lost my fiancé and love of my life unexpectedly.  We worked together and it happened at work and well I simply cannot understand how my life without him works.  Instead of planning our wedding, I planned his re-pass and funeral.  I miss him more than words can even express and it still almost feels unreal to me that he is gone.  I still go to text him, or talk to him, everything makes me think of him and I cry.  We dated for two years and got engaged on December 22, 2013 and were set to be married on November 28, 2014.  Everyone around us (before he passed) said they never saw a love like ours which makes it special to me that not only myself but people around me realized our love for one another.  It sounds corny and I hate all the BS texts of how you doing? and how people can say they understand but they don't.  We on this board can relate and help you to feel less alone and together we can grieve together.  Just know that tomorrow when you wake up - your boyfriend would want you up and showered and doing something you enjoy and not sitting at home crying.  This is the only thing I keep telling myself to get through daily functions is that my fiancé would never want me to act like I currently feel because if that was the case I would be in bed all day and never speak to anyone again.  Your loved one is lost but you didn't lose your love for him.  

 

My grandma passed away two years ago as well and we always went by her motto in life which is Keep On Keeping On - my pain is unbearable right now but I have to hope that someday I will be able to live with this hole in my heart.

 

Thinking of you and praying for you but together we can all talk and celebrate the loves of our lives.

[erip]

Thank you so much for your reply to my post.

I feel so lost and sad but it helps me talking about him and this situation, i am also reading a book that helps validate my grief.

 

Thanks Tara, talking with you yesterday was good I can relate to you.

 

Odetoanoddity i will contact you so we can talk.

 

Thanks linda for your words and kirbiboh well you always listen to me talk about this.