Brother went yesterday, mom destroyed

[gonehome]

My older brother, 45 years old, died suddenly last night. He was in great health, so it was shockingly sudden. I'm grieving terribly, but I'm fearful that my mother is in a much worse place emotionally. She is DEVASTATED. 

 

I feel lost . . .

[ModKonnie]

Gonehome,

I am so very sorry for your family. Do you know what happened yet? Your mother will need your support, but she can get through this. It's going to be tough, but we will be here for you, too. Take it minute by minute for now.

Let us know what is going on,

ModKonnie

[Heartlight]

I see you joined just to post.  I joined just to respond.

 

I lost my sister suddenly.  Without even knowing she was sick, she died in her bed one night of pneumonia.   She was 49.  We were in shock and devastated.  Two and a half years later, my dad followed her.  My mother is just now, two years after my dad passed, starting to live again, slowly.

 

There is no easy answer.  In fact, there is no answer.  I still cry almost daily for one reason or another, whether it be from sadness and grief or happiness and love.  The biggest thing for now is to survive, to not judge yourself for anything you feel, to allow your combined pain and desperation to allow you to cling together, if you can.  If you can't, that's ok too.

 

Something that I found happen in our family is that everyone was feeling the need to understand how important their relationship with that person is.  And you need to know: it is.  Your relationship is just as important as their relationship.  And their relationship is just as important as yours.

 

Be soft with yourself.  It is harsh, it is the worst thing in this existence, but some day you'll get to experience all that love you have for your brother - and for your mom, because you are also going to suffer watching her suffer - without so much pain.

 

It is so new that right now, you just need to focus on surviving.  The rest will come.  Don't judge.  Understand that there is no understanding it right now.  Cry and then hug yourself and your mom.

 

And if if helps you, try to think of what your brother would want for you.  It is only because I knew my sister wanted me to be ok that I was able to live after this happened.  So if it takes thinking "my brother would want me to eat" for you to eat, then do it.

 

A great deal of empathetic love being sent your way.