How do I carry on?

[Amyvictoria]

Hi All, 

 

I recently lost my mum due to bowel cancer, a day before my 14th birthday. My mum fought for three years and although I knew that one day I would lose her, I never could prepare myself for when it actually happened.

 

I have good days and I have bad days, as expected but i'm slowly having more bad days and they seem to be getting worse. I just want this whole experience to end! I can't accept that my mum is dead because I feel like if I can/do accept it then i'm forgetting about her and I don't want to forget about her. So what do I do? How do I carry on and move on with my life?

[Guest Kirbibizzle]

Dear Amyvictoria,

 

You are so young to have to go through this kind of thing and I'm so sorry this happened to you and your mum. Cancer really is an awful thing.

 

I want to have good days too, but I haven't really been able to do so. It's been mostly all bad, all the time. That's why I joined this forum. There are so many people here going through exactly the same things as us and we all can help each other get through this.

 

My dad died 3 weeks ago. Like you, I didn't have time to prepare for my dad to be gone because it happened so suddenly. He died from a brain aneurysm, which is kind of like cancer because it can't really be stopped unless you go out of your way to have a brain scan to find it fast enough, and most people never find out they have it until it's too late. He may have had it his entire life, and then one day it just burst.

 

I knew that something could happen one day because of his unhealthy lifestyle, he smoked and never really took care of himself, but I just never expected it could be so soon and especially like that. Needless to say, losing a parent is hard enough as it is. But to lose one when you're no where near ready is even harder.

 

I can tell you one thing though: accepting that your mum is gone doesn't mean you'll forget about her. Your mum may be gone, but she can't be forgotten. You will never forget her. I think about my dad all day, every day even though I know he is gone. I don't want to stop thinking about him, but it makes me cry to think about him sometimes.

 

I talk to my dad out loud all the time. I write to him all the time. I'd like to think he is still here with me and can hear what I say. He has given me what little strength I have to keep going on. It's so hard to want to go on without him, but he'd want me to go on. He wouldn't want my spirit to die once he did.

 

Your mum would want the same for you.