Its been 2 months since my husband died

[Kathys28]

My husband of 25 years passed after a long illness, CHF, Diabetes, kidney failure. 

Even though he decided to stop treatment  it happened so quickly I feel like we didn't discuss things. 

Although the last words we said were I love you. 

Im having a hard time because people think of his passing as a blessing and a way of making my life easier, 

and somehow don't see the grieving. Comments like so what are you doing with all your free time now. 

Have you gone on a date yet? WTF ! No matter how long he was sick and how difficult it was, he was still my husband and I still miss him and feel alone. 

 

[JuneB]

Kathys28... I also lost my loving husband of 25 + years last March. Like you, I resent it when comments are made in regard to how

I should get on with my life. Reference to "free time" fuels the anger! First and foremost at this time I am not interested finding another man (as my own sister suggested) to replace my husband. Further, my "free time" is still filled taking care of the endless piles of

paperwork that come with settling a deceased person's wishes. Then let's not forget we have to obtain new medical insurance IF you the spouse were insured under your husband's employer. Of course If your husband was a functional Disabled Veteran, and his Chemo was at the VA you get to deal with the endless paperwork of our wonderful government. (TY, DAV your organization is a God send).

Now let's move on, IF big IF your spouse worked at all for the year you get to file income tax. Yep, tax for the dead! Not going to get a refund but you sure have to file it! Then there is taking care of bank business. Perhaps filing for Life Ins. IF big IF you were fortunate to

have any. One thing gets settled another pops up. Endless paperwork! So where exactly is all this so called "free time"? Some of the comments people make are extremely hurtful and add to our grief. Like you I miss my husband and feel very much alone.

[Annie_]

Kathys28,

 

I has also been 2 months since I lost my husband.  In my case he had not been sick, it was sudden and very unexpected.  The first month was a blur, now that I just passed the two month mark I've been dealing with lots and lots of paperwork (medical, financial, etc.).  My concentration and energy are very limited, so even simple things take longer than they would have otherwise.  Please try to hang in there and do whatever you need to do to be kind to yourself.  If you have people who by being with you or what they say make you feel better, then surround yourself with those people.  And the opposite is true, if there are other people who by their actions or words upset your or make you feel badly--ignore them and try not to give them the opportunity to wound you further. 

 

 

[Kathys28]

thanks so much for your responses, I am still working full time, so I stay busy at work. 

But I do think everyone here is right, you process different things at different times.

[southernyankee]

Kathys,

                One day at a time will get you through. My wife of 30 years died 8 years ago this month. I don't remember much of the first year. Life will unfold for all of us daily and there will always be surprises and change. The loss of a loved one changes everything and it will take time for the shock to wear off. My best advise is to try not to look to far ahead and to be grateful for what you still have as hard as that may be to do right now. God Bless you and good luck.

[Tryingtohavehope]

It has been 2 months since my bf the love of my life died and Im not even sure how to move forward? He died the beginning of Jan, but his one year anniversary of having a new kidney was Jan 30...and then his birthday was Feb 19 and Feb 20 wouldve been a year since he came home with his new kidney! I cant wait for March to get here so I can move forward from all the happy dates that are now bad dates! Just this week my boss at work decided she wanted to try to hook me up with a guy! I know I didnt date Keith very long (about a year) but I still hate the fact that people act like we just broke up! I do have a heart even though a good 99% is with him now and I know Im fairly young and hope I'll find love again! Im just not sure I want to endure this kind of heartache again! Im so sorry for all of your losses and I hope we can all eventually have some good days!