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lost an ex-girlfriend - it's complicated


cicero

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I don't think that it really matters being an ex or a current.  You shared a lot of years with this person.  Your souls entwined and I would think it a little weird if you didn't feel at least a little something.

 

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

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Hi Cicero. I think that regret is a very common emotion for all of us who have experienced a loss. But I encourage you to examine your feelings. If you are experiencing sadness and loss because you felt love for her and you are sorry that she is gone, no matter how painful that feeling is, it is still a good feeling. But feeling guilty doesn't do anyone any good, unless it helps you to grow and be a little better in your future relationships. But as for the other feelings, such as feeling betrayed and cheated, again, I encourage you to examine those feelings.

The death of someone we love can have the potential to change us in profound ways.

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Guest Kirbibizzle

Dear Cicero,

 

What you are feeling is common, as I and others can attest to. No matter what kind of relationship you had, be it girlfriend, spouse or even father, if you were close to them then it's okay to feel sad and guilty that you never got the chance to reconnect and make amends. There are a lot of unanswered questions and there probably always will be, but the times you spent together can't be replaced and those memories will always remain with you.

 

Even though she may have hid some dark secrets from you, that doesn't mean the person you knew wasn't the genuine her. You reshaped and made her into the best version of herself. She wanted a fresh start to get away from her past and you gave that to her, and she is so thankful for that. I mean sure, she had many other people in her life, but 9 years isn't something a person can just forget about. You talk about that bottle being uncorked, and I'm sure hers came uncorked when she saw you again 20 years later. There's no doubt she still thought of you and though she seemed angry, maybe that anger wasn't directed towards you but towards herself for not reaching out to you sooner.

 

She had a big impact on your life or else you wouldn't feel this way. You should continue to think about the good times, don't blindly trust everything you read on the internet. Except maybe here, because all of us have been through similar situations and we want to help you to heal just as badly as we want to heal ourselves.

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