Lost mom a month ago..Anxiety HIGH!! Only Child, fear if losing spouse...

[oddgeekout]

Hello All...

I recently lost my mother it has a been a month...I became her caregiver after her stroke on mother's day 2008...im an only child & MISS MY MOMMIE!!! I have been blessed with a wife who is so strong its scary...she suffers from lupus and Raynauds and she is absolutely AMAZING!!!! Im terried of everything...!!! Like I want her with me all the time like I want to save her... its so hard!!!! Its hurts so bad and I just wana get it over with! My mom got to see me obtain 3 degrees...we met the president...just life with mommie!! I was mommies little girl!! Im no ones little girl any more!! so many great memories!!! How am I to deal???? The fear and anxiety are taking over!!!!

[Trish91]

Hi oddgeekout,

 

I am really sorry for your loss. I lost my mom two months ago exactly and I miss my mommie every single day, just like you, and sometimes I feel overwhelmed by anxiety and fear about a future without the most important person to me, my very best friend, my soul mate.

 

I am glad that you have a wonderful wife who is really strong and positive, and who supports you through thick and thin, and it is understandable that you are freaking about her illnesses and their impact on her life, your lives, in the longer term; however, I'd just say, please live the present and each day that you have together as if it was the last. I know it sounds like a cliche, but it is true.

 

I think all we can do is try to live our grief each day at the time, each moment at the time, cry whenever we feel like it, which in my case is on a daily basis, express yourself through this forum where all of us understand what you are going through and nobody will be judging you, perhaps join a support group where you live, or see a grief counselor if and when you feel ready, and also try to eat, sleep, exercise, pray, medidate,  and do things that nurture both your body and your spirit. Also, talking to loved ones also helps, even if they don't always understand what one is really experiencing. I often talk to my husband, and to some of my closest friends, also to my dad and one of my aunts, and it helps immensely.

 

Anyway, I just wanted to say hello and if you wish to talk further, I am here, so please feel free to reach out.

 

Warm regards

[Trish91]

Having said that though, I don't think that there are any recipes to overcome this terrible pain. I think it comes in waves, and will linger for a very long time, and will never completely disappear, at least in my case, for my mom was my everything and such a massive loss is and will always be utterly devastating. I wish the pain was more bearable, but it is not. In fact, I somehow feel worse today than a month ago, and I think because her loss becomes more and more real every single day, as I cannot call her and tell her everything, and that hurts immensely.....

 

Anyway, thinking of you and everybody else on this forum, and I hope we all feel at least a bit better as time goes by, because right now it is constant sadness, anger, shock, anxiety, pain, fear, guilt, at least for me......

[Guest Kirbibizzle]

To oddgeekout,

 

I can relate to you in more ways than one. Your username, for one. I'm what you would classify as a "geek" too. I never had many friends growing up and was the odd one out. The one person I could always trust and know would always be a friend to me was my dad. Even when there is no one else to turn to, he was always there for me. Sadly, he passed away a little over 3 weeks ago. The pain you feel is just like mine.

 

I am glad that you have support during this difficult time. No one should have to go through something like this alone. Trish is right though, taking care of yourself might seem like it's not necessary during all of this, but it is. You might forget to look after yourself because you're concentrating so much on the loss of your mom. That's not good for anyone. Your mom wants you to be healthy and happy, the happiness can come later but the health is important.

 

There is a lot of fear behind losing a parent. You don't know what your life will look like without them, I certainly don't myself. My plan for the future... what plan? What future? There isn't a plan because my plan always involved my dad, and he's not here anymore. Just life with my dad, that was living. We did absolutely everything together.

 

The anxiety is bad too, you are worried for your future, and may also be worried that your mom is in a safe place. I know for a fact she is safe now and she's waiting for you. She's watching you every step of the way and doesn't want you to fall apart just because she's gone. I struggle to tell myself that every day about my dad.

 

These waves Trish has mentioned can approach at any time and they will knock you down. They can even make you fall to your knees in the literal sense from the realization that your loved one is gone. I try not to let that happen to me too often, but it does happen. I wish I could control it. I, like Trish, somehow feel worse today than I did when he died 23 days ago. I don't want to always feel this way, I want to set these thoughts aside and try to find some form of happiness. I want the same for you.

[lemc87]

Hi Oddgeekout:

 

First of all, I just want to say I am so very sorry for your loss. Of course our situations are different, but I think I can relate to the pain you're going through.

 

I lost my mom to a heartattack in October 2013 and not a day goes by that I don't think about her. She was my rock and I feel empty without her. I miss her and I cry for her a lot. 

 

Fortunately, it does get a little better over time. I don't think the pain ever truly goes away, but you will have good and bad days. The sad memories are sometimes replaced by good memories. That's what I do to cope sometimes. I try my hardest to think of a happy time with my mom and it generally helps battle the depression and grief. 

 

I too am afraid something's going to happen to my fiance, but please try to enjoy and live in the present. You have today with her and that's all that matters. Try not to waste any time worrying about the what ifs. 

 

If you ever need to talk to anyone, please feel free to message me. Hugs from afar.

 

 

[WhereIsMyHome]

I know how you feel.  I'm pretty much alone, and my mom and dad, both, died within 2 days.  My dad died in surgery, and my mom was so beside herself with grief that 2 days later her heart stopped.  I am still in a state of disbelief, the pain is crushing, the terror and fear are overwhelming, the anxiety becomes something that doesn't let you rest, doesn't let you sleep, doesn't let you leave, and the guilt and need to have her is just more than a human can withstand.  My consolation is that I think they knew how much I loved them, and how much I would've done to still have them here with me.  This is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to endure in my life.  I send you many blessings, that you may have peace and calm.  Your mom knew and knows how much you love her, and she loves what you did for her.  She is looking out for you. 

 

Hello All...
I recently lost my mother it has a been a month...I became her caregiver after her stroke on mother's day 2008...im an only child & MISS MY MOMMIE!!! I have been blessed with a wife who is so strong its scary...she suffers from lupus and Raynauds and she is absolutely AMAZING!!!! Im terried of everything...!!! Like I want her with me all the time like I want to save her... its so hard!!!! Its hurts so bad and I just wana get it over with! My mom got to see me obtain 3 degrees...we met the president...just life with mommie!! I was mommies little girl!! Im no ones little girl any more!! so many great memories!!! How am I to deal???? The fear and anxiety are taking over!!!!