warning rant/triggers venting

[Guest]

I have nothing left in the tank. All my reserves are gone.

I have know what i should do, but no way to become not paralyzed, so I can get it done. I have beauty in my head, but why should I put it on paper. I have love in my heart, there isn't a reason to release it. It will just get stomped on. I have skills and no reason to use them. I have music, but no reason to sing. I have humor, but no reason to laugh. I have honor, but no one to honor. I've got integrity in a society that doesn't value it anymore. And no one left to recognize it. I have loyalty that is battered, cut, and bruised from continued years of abuse. I've got the stars and no one to share them with. I've got my eyes and no one to see through them.

I've got friends, some of whom have remained and new ones who have helped me beyond their knowledge. I've got family, some are understanding and steadfast, some have disappeared.

Oh yes, I have so much going for me. I have my mind, my proudest possession, it doesn't seem to work properly anymore. All that I am, all that I was and all that I could have been has been stripped from me.

All those years of struggling and working and loving and forgiving are for what I have now? How is that fair value trade for the few spots of happiness?

Hope? There isn't any left.

I couldn't even retain my dignity and keep my thoughts and desires to myself.

I can still sit and just be. Just drink coffee.

[frankly]

That was Beautifully said.  I can so relate to it.............. I'm so sorry that you feel this pain.  I'm sorry anyone does.  Reading that, makes me feel that at least someone out there knows what that feels like.

 

That probably doesn't really help you though.  Just know your words helped me somehow.

 

Thank You.

Hugs.

[HeyJude]

Yep...you hit the nail on the head Em.  Good to see you by the way.