Members backyarder1 Posted February 12, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 12, 2014 Hi everyone. I thought I would ask some opinions on this. One of the hardest times for me is when I first wake up because I just can't think of any reason to get out of bed in the mornings. I don't work, so I don't have a job to go to. I don't have kids or pets to take care of. Currently, I don't volunteer anyplace. My psychologist suggested that I come up with a list of things that would excite me and make me happy but if I KNEW that, I would already be doing those things. I'm not sure it makes sense to get a pet now, because I am still pretty depressed. And the new stages of a pet can be more trouble than happiness. And I'm not sure what kind of volunteer activity will provide more pleasure than sadness. I mean, I think being around other people who are very frail and/or sick will only make my sadness worse. Being around pets that I know might be euthanized would be sad. Does anyone have any suggestions? Have any of you found any "tricks" to get yourself excited about getting out of bed in the morning? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Alone Posted February 12, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 12, 2014 BY1 - I don't have to work, but I've decided I should work. I've been interviewing and am actually finding some joy in the process. The joy comes from the fact that I recount MY accomplishments. I get compliments about who I am and what I've done. I think that many of us (maybe most or all) suffer mightily from the fact that the person who complimented us the most is gone. Our angels are the one's whose compliments really mattered. As I get compliments from recruiters or potential employers, I hear my Tom's voice echoing those sentiments and that brings me joy.I'm not recommending a job search for you or anyone. What I am recommending is that you find a way to get some compliments. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members HeyJude Posted February 12, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 12, 2014 Betsy - there are a lot of "no-kill" animal rescues and shelters, you just have to hunt them out and they really need a lot of help! There are also places who assist the homeless or people down on their luck. Have you ever watched "Secret Millionaire"? Those are the kind of places you need to search out and I guarantee you will love doing something like that!! If you'd like I can help you by searching for you. A rescue or NK shelter would be fun. You may even meet your future "pet" there when your ready. And helping people who really need help can be so rewarding and so inspiring. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Alone Posted February 12, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 12, 2014 I and some people from a local grief group are tracking our activity and sleep habits. I use a little device called a fitbit. I'm trying to walk 100 more steps each day, which is easily accomplished if I just get up and move during TV commercials. I've committed to moving just that little bit more each day, so I have a goal. Just think how many steps a person could get by walking a dog! Unfortunately, I can't have a dog where I live but I might investigate HeyJude's idea of volunteering at a shelter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Alone Posted February 12, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 12, 2014 Another question...What are people doing to feel and look their real age or maybe even younger?I started feeling and looking older while my Tom was ill and it only got worse after he passed. For the first few months of grief I said "who cares". I think my feeling and looking old reinforced reinforced my "why bother" attitude; giving me one more reason to stay in bed. Now I know my Tom would be telling me to "up my game". I've started with walking. What are other people doing? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members backyarder1 Posted February 12, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted February 12, 2014 Hey Jude, I agree with you, in theory. Many of the volunteer opportunities that I have explored in the past wouldn't be good for someone as depressed as I am. I am very empathetic so being around people who are homeless or sick is only going to make me feel worse. And working with animals probably isn't a great options either, since I am very sensitive to odors of all kind. But I do appreciate everyone's suggestions. I am going to work on my "homework" assignment for my psychologist and I will let you all know what I come up with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members backyarder1 Posted February 12, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted February 12, 2014 Alone, I feel like I look a million years older but I think most of that is dark circles and puffy eyes. And the fact that I am losing my hair in handfuls either from the stress or something else going on in my body. Plus, smiling always makes anyone look younger and instead I seem to have these big frown lines now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Alone Posted February 12, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 12, 2014 And most of us eat so poorly that we have vitamin deficiencies. Stress, lack of exercise and bad eating habits affected my skin and hair. I'm sure that the periods when I didn't have energy to shower, move, or eat for days didn't help either. I remember many times that the only thing that got me to get cleaned up was the recognition that I stunk. So much for being all alone.... I think that's why logging things is helping me. I still have all kinds of bad behavior but at least I can look at my log and know what I'm doing; even if I'm not strong enough at that moment to change. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members traveler1959 Posted February 12, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 12, 2014 Betsy, maybe a pet is what you need right now. A (a six week old kitten) can put a smile on the saddest person in the world. Just watching them play and learning new things will keep a smile on your face and when they get tired they will curl up in your lap and sleep. The ones we always had are clean, all they need is a litter box and food and water.. Don't go out and buy a pure breed kitten, a lot of times the breeders will breed the mother to a son of hers or a dad to his daughter. and a lot of time they will come out an odd acting animal. Just look in the paper and find someone giving away kittens that their house cat had. Just get one, that way it will only look to you for companionship. God bless you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members HeyJude Posted February 12, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 12, 2014 I agree with you Traveler. I had a stray kitten show up at my house and of course, being an animal lover, I took him in. This kitten is so darn cute and funny. But what really broke my depression was getting my puppy. I'm a dog person and my puppy who is now 6 mos old makes me laugh every single day. And when her and the kitten play it is hilarious. It feels good to laugh again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members backyarder1 Posted February 12, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted February 12, 2014 You guys must not remember my cat story. Or maybe I didn't post it on here. I tried getting a cat about a month again. She seemed cute enough but kept jumping up on things and knocking things on the floor, which didn't add much to my mood. In the middle of the night, the first night, she knocked over a whole shelf full of plants. I woke up in the middle of the night to broken pots and dirt all over the floor. I took her back the next day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members traveler1959 Posted February 12, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 12, 2014 How old was the cat? that can make a difference on how they act, you never know how they were raised before you got them, That is the reason I said a (six week old) they are to small to get into much and they learn what is ok to do and what is not, the cat we have is about 6 years old and we got her when she was 6 weeks old and she never cause any trouble ----- it has got to the point we don't need a litter box, she outside most of the day and sleep in the house at night, if she needs to go potty, she will come to us and meow and go to the door and we let her out and in a little while she wants back in. (Six week old puppy) is good too, they are just a lot more work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members backyarder1 Posted February 12, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted February 12, 2014 Thanks Traveler. I don't believe in letting domesticate cats outside because I am a nature lover. Love squirrels, birds, etc. and cats kill quite a few of those. I believe the cat was older than 6 weeks. I'm really not ready for a pet yet. Unless it is a quiet man who will just lay around the house and purr when I rub his belly. hahhahah. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members traveler1959 Posted February 12, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 12, 2014 lol I bet there would be a lot of men that would love to have that job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members backyarder1 Posted February 13, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted February 13, 2014 LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sammijo2424 Posted February 13, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 13, 2014 Backyarder - about a month after my Ron died, I rescued a 1 1/2 year old poodle/bischon mix dog and many, many days he was my only reason for getting out of bed, I had to take care of him, he has literally saved me many times in the last year. I also do not work, I tried volunteering at a food bank, it was just not for me, now I volunteer at the school 2 afternoons a week reading to kids in the library, and helping them find books, etc, I love it. I am a nurse, worked hospice for many years, have considered volunteering at hospital, but I just can't stand the idea of being around sick or dying people, just too hard at this point in my life. Some other ideas I am considering volunteering for is the senior citizens center, and the shelter for battered women, it would be great to share with them what a true MAN is about, like my husband.Just wanted to share those ideas with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members backyarder1 Posted February 13, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted February 13, 2014 Thanks Sammijo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MissingDaniel Posted February 13, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 13, 2014 Betsy, I have recently been considering how I can take my pain and heartbreak and channel it into making a difference somehow. Because I lost my husband to an overdose, I have become much more interested in the things that are being done to combat the disease of addiction. These stories are always coming over the news about celebrities dying from some sort of drug abuse or overdose, and I know that for every celebrity there are thousands of ordinary sons and daughters, husbands and wives, mothers and fathers who are being lost. So that has been my challenge to myself - to find a way that I can contribute a make an impact in the fight so that perhaps someone else doesn't have to lose someone precious to them in this horrible way. I say that to say this - try taking the things that you feel strongest about, whether it is the environment or some other cause, and try to think of some ways that you could make a difference and help to strengthen that cause. Some contribution of your time that you could make. Maybe if it is something you feel very strongly about, the depression won't hold you back so much, or it might even help to combat that depression. That's just my two cents. I know it's not easy. I hope you are able to find something to help you through these very difficult days, and I really hope that eventually you can find something to get excited about Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members backyarder1 Posted February 13, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted February 13, 2014 Thanks Andrea. You know, I think that everyone of us should go in and edit our profiles and put our REAL name where it says Advanced Member. I mean, I feel like a lot of us are friends now. Anyway, I agree with what you are saying and I know that volunteering somewhere is a good idea. I did contact the lady at the local hospice about volunteering at their office and she said I have to go through training first. And I could always volunteer at one of the libraries. I will find the right place for me. I had another good day today, so I'm feeling pretty good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sammijo2424 Posted February 14, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 14, 2014 MissingDaniel - I too have decided to make Ron's death count for something, I think the best tribute I can make to him is to do something more with my life, he loved helping others less fortunate than us, so I want to continue with that. I want something, anything good come out of all this, it is what he would want me to do. I want his love of people to continue thru me. I want to come out of this a better person because of this...that is what he would want.What I really want to do is to start some kind of program for the needy, I just have to come up with a plan, and figure out how to implement. I have already adopted a little girl in need thru a program and they have a birthday party for her, give her Christmas presents, school supplies and shoes at start of school and a new coat and shoes for winter but I want to be more personally involved.I am just trying to find my way in this world alone. I never realized how much I depended on him, I just thought we would always be there for each other and he was my rock. I thought I was such a strong person, I am not, I am weak, and it makes me mad when people tell me I am so strong, they don't know I am screaming, yelling, crying inside and so very depressed.But...I am on the road to a better and improved version of myself, I just know it. I truly believe there has to be some good left out there and there is work for me to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members backyarder1 Posted February 14, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted February 14, 2014 Sammijo, I commend you. You may not think you are strong (and I hate to hear people say that, too) but as someone else who has lost a loved one, I am telling you honestly, you are quite admirable. I, too, have decided to try to become a better version of myself because of all of this. We really only have two choices. Lay down and feel sorry for ourselves or stand up and become someone that we can be proud of. I, for one, am very proud of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MissingDaniel Posted February 14, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 14, 2014 Good for you, Sammi!! That sounds like an excellent plan, and I do think you have the right idea. I'm sure Ron would be very proud of your determination to continue what he believed in And Betsy, I hope one of those options works out for you. I, too, believe that you will find your place. Kudos to you for another good day! I'll be in your neck of the woods tomorrow as I'm taking the girls to the beach for the day - I know it will be a little cool, but I think we'll have a nice day anyway. Meanwhile, I wish I could just crawl back in bed today and sleep until tomorrow - today is NOT good Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members backyarder1 Posted February 14, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted February 14, 2014 Today isn't good for me either, Andrea. I cried myself to sleep last night and just plan on hanging around the house so I can cry as much as I want. What beach are you going to? I imagine somewhere north of me. I'm in Melbourne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MissingDaniel Posted February 14, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 14, 2014 I'm unfortunately at work, but can't say I won't cry anyway. We're going to Cocoa Beach, may go to Jetty Park. Haven't been there in a long time. You'll be in my thoughts today - hope it's not too awful. Take care of yourself! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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