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It's been 7 years

Katie C

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I lost my mom on February 16, 2007. It was a Friday, and it was cold. Typical for Connecticut winter. I was getting ready to head to her house for lunch (I did this EVERY day because I worked close enough) and my cell phone rang....it was her ringtone (Mama by Boys II Men, which I still can't hear). I picked it up and just hurriedly said "Hang on Mommy, I'm just checking my work voice mail then I'm heading out." 


It wasn't my mom on the other end, instead I heard my sister screaming "Katie, mommy's not breathing, she's not breathing!"  I couldn't quite comprehend what I heard......I just said I'll be right there and hung up the phone. I remember gathering my things (in an oddly calm matter) and informing my co-worker that my mom isn't breathing and I have to leave...By the time I got to the parking lot my phone rang again. It was the paramedic (I had babysat for his kids for years so he recognized my mom) and he told me it was too late, she was gone. It was 12:23pm. 


I don't remember much of the drive to my mom's house, I just remember sitting in her chair in her living room sobbing. My sister was there but we hadn't talked in a year so she wasn't comforting me, her boyfriend was tending to her and my husband was on his way to my mom's but he was about 35 minutes away. We buried her the following Wednesday; I was made head of her estate because my sister said she couldn't handle it, even though she's older. 


It's been 7 years. I have received my B.S. and am almost done with my M.S., and am now currently facing a divorce. Seven years and it's not healed. I don't speak to my sister at all. I don't have any other blood relatives, but my mom's best friend has become a HUGE part of my life. I don't have any kids. Is it easier in some ways? Yes. My grief doesn't completely consume me anymore, but it still hurts. I just want to call her and have her help me through the end of my fourteen year marriage. I was only 25 when she died, she was only 55..........she beat stage 4 esophageal and stomach cancer, only to lose to a heart attack. My life wasn't supposed to be this way. 


I just wanted to get out some of my thoughts and post something, maybe someone here feels the same and can offer some words of advice. There are still some days when I don't want to get out of bed and I miss her so much it's a very physical pain. Any advice would be appreciated. 




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Guest Kirbibizzle

Dear Katie,


I am only 25, and I just lost my father a little over 2 weeks ago. He was 62, and his life was cut short far too soon, I feel. He was my greatest friend. My life had meaning because I was able to call him my dad. He died from a ruptured brain aneurysm that went undetected his entire life until one day it just burst. He fell into a coma on the living room floor and never woke up again.


I can relate to how you say you are in physical pain. I never knew I could hurt this much over anything, until that fateful day that my world was completely changed. There is a hurt inside me that I can find no way to numb or dull, except for very small periods of time. Then the memories of those last moments with him come flooding back and the pain begins all over again. It is seemingly endless.


I have no idea what to do with the rest of my life now that he's gone. I can't even imagine my life 7 years in the future after this. Let alone a single year, or even a month. He was always supposed to be here, the one person I could always count on to be here. He was a heavy smoker, and I knew he could be gone one day, but that day seemed so far off. There are so many tragedies that occur daily, but I was in my own perfect world with my dad that seemed endless. I never thought it could happen to me.


The only other person in my life is my mom, but she and I have a strained relationship, so I can relate to the loneliness you feel too. I am so glad you have at least found someone, your mom's best friend, to share your fond memories of her with. Many people on this forum are going through the same things as you, so just know you are not really alone, even though you feel that way. We are all in this thing together.


We can't feel this way forever, but that loss will always be there. It has permanently changed and reshaped us. The only thing we can do now is what our parents had hoped we would always do: try to make the best of a bad situation. Try to find some form of happiness, though nothing can bring them back. They wouldn't want us dwelling over their deaths the rest of our lives.


I hope, through this forum, you can not feel so alone in your grief. It has helped me tremendously already.

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